For those of you that know me, you know that I often wear my heart on my sleeve and this blog will be no different. The events of the past week have made me question everything. I have gone through the scenario in my head over and over again and yet can not come up with a single valid reason as to WHY someone would commit the violent and senseless crime that occurred in Connecticut last Friday.
As my family and I drove down to New Jersey Friday afternoon, my phone buzzed and I quickly glanced to see that there was a shooting at a school. Sadly, I shrugged it off thinking " Great , another High School kid decided to take on the world and shoot fellow students and then kill himself. Phone was placed back in the cup holder and then shortly after it buzzed again. What I was about to read would completely change my demeanor and forever change me as a father and as a member of this society. I quickly glanced and read " 18 Elementary school children massacred" . Uh, what?? I handed the phone to my wife and she quickly scanned the article to only confirm that someone had actually taken an assault rifle and massacred 18 CHILDREN. My heart raced and I went through the gambit of emotions. i was angry, i was sad, my heart hurt for those parents that were effected and I immediately asked the same question that so many of us are still asking.......WHY?
We arrived at my parents house to see the coverage on TV and it crushed me. I was staring at an Elementary school similar to the one that our two girls attend and all I saw were sirens, paramedics, police and a sense of horror that I simply could not handle. My kids glanced quickly and I ushered them from the room and politely asked my parents to change the channel until I had time to evaluate the situation and figure out how my wife and I were going to explain this to our two Elementary school daughters.
Fast forward to bedtime and as always when we go to my parents house, one of us sleeps with one daughter and the there takes the other one. To my credit its always a battle to see who gets to snuggle with Dad, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight we watched the news for a few minutes and them my daughter actually asked me to change it since it was making her sad. I obliged and went into Dad mode and asked if she had any questions or if she was scared. She quickly replied...."Dad, could that happen at my school?"
Gulp, deep breath and here we go. I tried to explain to her that her school had security measures in place that would keep her safe and that the adults at her school would always have her safety as their main priority. Disaster averted and my 8 yr old fell asleep as I quietly cried in bed thinking " what if that were one if not both of my girls" . These poor kids went to school as if it were any other day and YOU took that from them.
Fast forward to Monday. As I watch the 6am news I am horrified at the step by step details they are offering up and even more disgusted at the fact that they continue to mention this MONSTER by name and continue to flash his image on the screen. Why is it we as a society NEED to see this ? Why can't we refer to this COWARD for exactly what he was? Why can't Matt Lauer say " The COWARD who committed these brutal acts then took his own WORTHLESS life before the authorities had a chance to get to him. He SHAMELESSLY shot himself before the authorities had the chance to shoot him point blank in the face like he did to so many of these children.
Then fast forward to the bus stop Monday morning. As a group we are mostly Dads. Loud, obnoxiously funny, and mostly in sweats and with bad coffer breath, but we make it look good. Well Monday was different. It was a chilly morning and we were all a little too quiet for my liking. We greeted each other cordially but that was it. The focus was on the kids and I could see it as clear as day. Nobody talked football and no mention of who drank too much and who didn't. Instead, with laser focus we were all tuned into the kids and when the bus rolled up we hugged them tighter and gave them kisses goodbye and sent them off to school. Was that the right decision ?
Monday was awful . A constant reminder of what happened to those poor defenseless children as they went to the place that we as parents hold sacred and as a safe haven. I checked my phone 100 times before my youngest got off the bus at 11 and then 100 more times before my oldest stepped off at 230. No messages from school was a good thing. I hugged them both as they jumped off the bus.
Neither of them really understands the gravity of the situation, but my 8 yr old is asking more questions and we are hitting them head on. I want her to know that there are bad people in the world that do bad things and that she needs to always be aware of her surroundings, but to trust that those adults that are around her will always have her back.
But how do I say all of that with a straight face, when I , as the ADULT have questions myself. I am struggling with the fact that someone, anyone, could wake up one morning and decide that it is OK to commit such a horrific act. Why did you do this? Why on earth would you target the only group of people that could not defend themselves? Why would you pick a school? Why after you killed your Mother which is horrific enough, did you feel the need to inflict pain on all of those children and parents? Why were you so angry that you felt this was the only way you would be able to react? And why did you kill yourself, you coward? Why were you not man enough to face the punishment for your actions?
These questions for me will never be answered and from here on I will always put our kids on the bus with a touch of fear that they could possibly be in harms way. That is simply not fair. We raise our kids in stages and this is supposed to be one of those stages where they smile from bell to bell and we are supposed to enjoy their daily accomplishments and achievements. Instead YOU took that away. YOU decided that the world needed to hear you roar and YOU needed to make a statement that would resinate for years to come. Bravo you spineless piece of trash! YOU accomplished what you set out to do. YOU made us uneasy as parents but know this, you have only made us closer as we all have taken a step back and realized that maybe we ALL need some more family dinners at the table together, less FB, less twittering and for crying out loud less Tour of Duty!
As a parent I can only hope that I can get them through each stage safely and with a smile on their faces. I want to teach them the ways of the world and how to appreciate everything they have and be thankful for every day. YOU will not stop me from that mission. YOU have made me pause and take stock in our daily routine as well as what I could do better as a apparent to ensure they follow a good path, but YOU have not broken me.
I cry for the parents of the children who were so recklessly taken from them and I cry every time I think of the fear and they must have encountered in the moments prior to being taken from us. I can only hope that there will be something positive that will come out of this event. What has this society become, where an INDIVIDUAL can somehow feel justified taking the lives innocent children. Children have always been OFF LIMITS. Jeez, even prisoners beat down the child offenders.
The game has changed people. We need to be having more conversations with our kids and checking in to make sure that they are in a good place. I know that I will cherish the conversations my girls and I have , and will make no conversation off limits to them.
Its been an emotional week for me and I hope all who tuned in to read understand where I am coming from. I cherish my girls, and the thought of some WORTHLESS COWARD taking them from me has shaken me to the core. If there is any justice in the world, I will steal a line from Two and a Half Men, " I hope you're getting the prongs of the pitchfork with no lube"
SVP -OUT
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
" Girls are brutal "
So, today my daughter got off the bus and within the first three steps of her coming towards me, I could tell she did not have a good day. To my credit I immediately identified it and asked her if we could sit down when we got home to talk it over. To my surprise, she agreed. Ya see, my oldest daughter is extremely sensitive and rarely wants to express her feelings to me so when she said yes, I knew i needed to take full advantage of the situation.
So, we sit down to talk about her day and immediately she goes into defensive mode and tries to explain how she had nothing to do with what happened today. As a loving dad, I wanna believe her, but I know her too well to know that this is impossible. The conversation continues and we get to the part where I ask her how many issues did we have today. I was only kidding when I posed the question , but when she started counting in her head how many issues she had today I knew that I was in it for the long haul. Final tally......6 issues in one day.
So, here we are Dad and daughter on the couch starting to address the 6 issues of the day when I realize that these issues have nothing to do with school, but more to do with her classmates.
Issue 1. So and so was mean to me
Issue 2. So and so said I was being rude
Issue 3. So and so bailed on me at the playground
Issue 4. So and so said I was a liar
Issue 5. So and so said I was making faces at her
Issue 6. So and so was moving and would no longer be sitting next o me on the bus.
Ok, so now I have all 6 issues in front of me I need to decide how I am going to handle them. Do I take each issue on 1 by 1, or do try and tackle them all at once. Thoughts?? Well, I took them on all at once.
For you Dad's out there with girls you can identify. You grew up a dude and when dudes had an argument they punched each other or made some ridiculous comment about the other one's mother and quickly moved on to who was gonna hook up with Suzie Q at the dance the following weekend. Well, guess what, that simply does not fly in the world of girls. They argue, they make up, and 5 minutes later they are arguing again. Its mid boggling to me that at the ripe old age of 8 ,my daughter is going through this
Apparently when you are a girl of the 8-teen variety, there is a dynamic at play that involves a great deal of` manipulation and a great deal of hair loss for the parent listening to the story! As I am sitting there watching my little girl cry as she tells the story I am thinking back to the days when I was 8 and all I could envision was a Nerf football and a huffy bike that I could do made wheelies on. These girls are already to the point of forming packs and cutting you at the knees on the playground.
So I dive in, and try to address the issues with a one size fits all approach. " Ya know sweetheart, girls can be a bit mean. They tend to travel in 2's and wen you throw a 3rd girl in the mix, it completely throws off the balance of power, and the one who is used to getting all of the attention quickly realizes she needs to do something to gain it back which usually results in you getting the short end of the stick" As I am sure you could imagine, I get a blank stare and still more tears.
Phase 2! I quickly recover and decide that this is going to be one of this enlightening moments whee I explain to my daughter that maybe today people were having a bad day and that thats why they made tomorrow's. Still a blank stare and more tears. Epic fail.
Phase 3. Reach in for the hug , hold her tight and promise her that everything will be OK. We laugh a bit about how girls pretty much suck, and I remind her, as I do 3-4 times a week, that " Friends will come and go, but you will always have your sister" . Hopefully she gets it before I am too senile to witness it.
See, if she were a boy, I could tell her to sucker punch the kid on the playground with a roll of quarters in his fist and get a good laugh out of it, but this girl thing really adds a dynamic that I think most SAHD's are not prepared for. Girls today are brutal !! Here I am thinking I am going to have to protect them from boyfriends. What a crock!
Oh, and if all of this is not enough, a boy in her class told her this week that he liked her!!!!! Dude, you're 8... stay focused on your pokemon cards and get the hell away from my daughter. I am proud to report that she told him that she did not like him that way, and that she liked him as a friend. As someone who has heard that a few times, I am totally cool with it!
SVP-OUT!
So, we sit down to talk about her day and immediately she goes into defensive mode and tries to explain how she had nothing to do with what happened today. As a loving dad, I wanna believe her, but I know her too well to know that this is impossible. The conversation continues and we get to the part where I ask her how many issues did we have today. I was only kidding when I posed the question , but when she started counting in her head how many issues she had today I knew that I was in it for the long haul. Final tally......6 issues in one day.
So, here we are Dad and daughter on the couch starting to address the 6 issues of the day when I realize that these issues have nothing to do with school, but more to do with her classmates.
Issue 1. So and so was mean to me
Issue 2. So and so said I was being rude
Issue 3. So and so bailed on me at the playground
Issue 4. So and so said I was a liar
Issue 5. So and so said I was making faces at her
Issue 6. So and so was moving and would no longer be sitting next o me on the bus.
Ok, so now I have all 6 issues in front of me I need to decide how I am going to handle them. Do I take each issue on 1 by 1, or do try and tackle them all at once. Thoughts?? Well, I took them on all at once.
For you Dad's out there with girls you can identify. You grew up a dude and when dudes had an argument they punched each other or made some ridiculous comment about the other one's mother and quickly moved on to who was gonna hook up with Suzie Q at the dance the following weekend. Well, guess what, that simply does not fly in the world of girls. They argue, they make up, and 5 minutes later they are arguing again. Its mid boggling to me that at the ripe old age of 8 ,my daughter is going through this
Apparently when you are a girl of the 8-teen variety, there is a dynamic at play that involves a great deal of` manipulation and a great deal of hair loss for the parent listening to the story! As I am sitting there watching my little girl cry as she tells the story I am thinking back to the days when I was 8 and all I could envision was a Nerf football and a huffy bike that I could do made wheelies on. These girls are already to the point of forming packs and cutting you at the knees on the playground.
So I dive in, and try to address the issues with a one size fits all approach. " Ya know sweetheart, girls can be a bit mean. They tend to travel in 2's and wen you throw a 3rd girl in the mix, it completely throws off the balance of power, and the one who is used to getting all of the attention quickly realizes she needs to do something to gain it back which usually results in you getting the short end of the stick" As I am sure you could imagine, I get a blank stare and still more tears.
Phase 2! I quickly recover and decide that this is going to be one of this enlightening moments whee I explain to my daughter that maybe today people were having a bad day and that thats why they made tomorrow's. Still a blank stare and more tears. Epic fail.
Phase 3. Reach in for the hug , hold her tight and promise her that everything will be OK. We laugh a bit about how girls pretty much suck, and I remind her, as I do 3-4 times a week, that " Friends will come and go, but you will always have your sister" . Hopefully she gets it before I am too senile to witness it.
See, if she were a boy, I could tell her to sucker punch the kid on the playground with a roll of quarters in his fist and get a good laugh out of it, but this girl thing really adds a dynamic that I think most SAHD's are not prepared for. Girls today are brutal !! Here I am thinking I am going to have to protect them from boyfriends. What a crock!
Oh, and if all of this is not enough, a boy in her class told her this week that he liked her!!!!! Dude, you're 8... stay focused on your pokemon cards and get the hell away from my daughter. I am proud to report that she told him that she did not like him that way, and that she liked him as a friend. As someone who has heard that a few times, I am totally cool with it!
SVP-OUT!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
"Family Vacations"
The mere thought of the family vacation makes my shoulders rise. There are so many different stages to the vacation that literally send my stress level from yellow to red, and quickly.After recently taking a family vacation I decided to sit back and take a good hard look at the process to figure out if there were any areas that I could improve to ensure a stress free vacation. The result, an overwhelming no!
There is not one aspect of the vacation that stresses me yet a plethora of them that make me wanna sucker punch someone with a fist full of quarters by the time I get home.
Lets first start with packing. The concept seems simple, you take a few outfits and make sure that you have enough underwear and toiletries to get through the allotted time. But wait, then add 2 kids and a wife that feels the need to take each suitcase to the very edge of 50 pounds so when we get to the airport we don't have to pay the overweight fee. See, I have the wife that would actually stand in lime and move things from one bag to another while I am standing in the background with my credit card in hand telling the jovial airlines employee who is so thrilled to be there just to charge me. We actually got a suitcase weigher as a gift, and quite honestly it was one of the best gifts we ever got! We actually know before we go to the airport whether or not I will have to try and sneak a knee to the side of the bag and hold it up slightly while its on the scale so the employee does not see. Who on earth needs 50 pounds of clothing for a 5 day trip.....apparently we do! Our daughters take 4 more outfits than they will need and my wife easily packs 4-5 pair of shoes that will NEVER leave the suitcase. Yet I need to pack only one pair of shoes and God forbid I try and pack my big bottle of Polo. All of this leaves me shaking my head and gritting my newly replaced teeth.
The next aspect of the trip is the trip to the airport. See, wifey travel a ton and is an A member with Southwest so she thinks that the actual travel time of one person will equal that of 4 including two small children who are half asleep because we are taking a 5am flight. I try and get to the airport at least an hour and a half before the flight so I have time to have a cup of coffee, relax and potentially drop the kids at the pool before I get on the plane. Wifey takes the O.J. approach and feels the need to get to the airport with just enough time for me to blow my nose and again grit my teeth. And as usual I'm the bad guy because I am huffing and puffing in the airport while she is a picture of composure under pressure.
Next we move to the seat battle. See, as the SVP of Household Ops, I am the one that BOTH kids want to sit with on the plane and we always split the seats and hope that nobody sits next to us. Wifey actually has a "move" where she will not make eye contact with anyone in the aisle hoping that they will not sit next to her. Me on the other hand say hello to everyone and ultimately get the lovely 300 pound 80 year old woman that now needs to squeeze through and then squeeze out 3 or 4 times during the flight. Yumm! The seating usually involve a bribe and one kid making faces at the other for the duration of the flight. Luckily we have a portable DVD player which keeps one of them busy.Oh, and if you don't have children and are traveling to a kid friendly destination, do not shake your head at me or make any snide remarks that could have you searching for what used to be your front teeth. If you don't have kids, you have no idea how difficult it is traveling with them .We know that they might act up, deal with it or go somewhere like Vegas.
Now we are in whatever island destination we have chosen and the process of getting to the hotel from the airport begins. People become absolute maniacs when they are strapped with bags and kids. Add a foreign beach resort and all thought of rational behavior is thrown out the window. People are racing for shuttles, fighting for cabs and hitting me with the stack of 14 suitcases they have taken with them for the 5 day stay. Apparently they are not aware of the 50 pound rule or better yet don't care enough to abide by it.
Ahhhh, we arrive at the resort or hotel and all should be good, Right?, Wrong! The price conscious one next to me refuses to upgrade the room and we are on two queen size beds and again the debate begins.....who gets to sleep with Dad. Debate diffused as we come up with a rotating schedule and I take a peek into the minbar to make sure that it is stocked and immediately take an $8 beer which insights a riot in wifey's wallet. "did you just take a beer from the minibar?"she asks......"did you just travel 9 hrs with me and the kids?' I reply. Argument over for now, and me and my $8 beer head to the balcony to check out the digs.
So we are settled in and now its time to get the lay of the land. We take a quick tour and realize that there is a cruise ship that lets out every day and they have day passes to our resort. Huh? If I had known that I would have gone somewhere else! I went to said resort to relax and have fun, not get inundated with 300 plus cruise yahoos that get to take over the resort each day for $50! So each morning on my way from the gym I greet the line of yahoos with a scowl and move on.
Now that we are sharing the facility you know what we need to talk about next......chairs! Every morning I had to play the "who was gonna get to the chairs first and put down all there belongings" game. This is a game that I am a willing participant because if we do not have a seat front and center at the pool I will be in that and both all day chasing the kids around. If I can get up early enough to beat the cruise people I can get good seats and throw towels and books on the chairs to solidify our camp for the day. Success will be mine as I head out 15 minutes before the towel hut opens and am 1st in line 5 of 6 days! I rule. Eat that cruise people!
Seats secured its time to get the kids lubed up and pool ready. See the family vacation gives wifey a break from the day to day grind....for me, it's a continuation of my day to day responsibilities. By noon wifey is usually catching flies in a lounge chair while I am on my 456th trip down the water slide and 6 $8 beers deep! In fairness to her she was an active participant on the last trip because the kids are at different swimming levels and therefore were doing different slides. Day is over, I am beat and ready for a nap !
Repeat cycle for 5 more days and then its time to get packed up and ready to go home! Oh, but wait, the 50 lb suitcases are not feeling more like 80 lb suitcases and the vein in my forehead is actually visible. Thankfully people in tropical islands could care a less how much your bag weighs, so they ask us some random questions and we are on our way. 9 hrs later and a plane change in a pleasant city and we are home. I've now got 17 loads of laundry to do and need to figure out what that smell is in the backpack and where it came from! Can't wait to do this again!
Word to the wise, if you are headed on a family vacation that requires air travel and layovers bring patience and a flask of Bacardi!
Love you honey!!
SVP- OUT
There is not one aspect of the vacation that stresses me yet a plethora of them that make me wanna sucker punch someone with a fist full of quarters by the time I get home.
Lets first start with packing. The concept seems simple, you take a few outfits and make sure that you have enough underwear and toiletries to get through the allotted time. But wait, then add 2 kids and a wife that feels the need to take each suitcase to the very edge of 50 pounds so when we get to the airport we don't have to pay the overweight fee. See, I have the wife that would actually stand in lime and move things from one bag to another while I am standing in the background with my credit card in hand telling the jovial airlines employee who is so thrilled to be there just to charge me. We actually got a suitcase weigher as a gift, and quite honestly it was one of the best gifts we ever got! We actually know before we go to the airport whether or not I will have to try and sneak a knee to the side of the bag and hold it up slightly while its on the scale so the employee does not see. Who on earth needs 50 pounds of clothing for a 5 day trip.....apparently we do! Our daughters take 4 more outfits than they will need and my wife easily packs 4-5 pair of shoes that will NEVER leave the suitcase. Yet I need to pack only one pair of shoes and God forbid I try and pack my big bottle of Polo. All of this leaves me shaking my head and gritting my newly replaced teeth.
The next aspect of the trip is the trip to the airport. See, wifey travel a ton and is an A member with Southwest so she thinks that the actual travel time of one person will equal that of 4 including two small children who are half asleep because we are taking a 5am flight. I try and get to the airport at least an hour and a half before the flight so I have time to have a cup of coffee, relax and potentially drop the kids at the pool before I get on the plane. Wifey takes the O.J. approach and feels the need to get to the airport with just enough time for me to blow my nose and again grit my teeth. And as usual I'm the bad guy because I am huffing and puffing in the airport while she is a picture of composure under pressure.
Next we move to the seat battle. See, as the SVP of Household Ops, I am the one that BOTH kids want to sit with on the plane and we always split the seats and hope that nobody sits next to us. Wifey actually has a "move" where she will not make eye contact with anyone in the aisle hoping that they will not sit next to her. Me on the other hand say hello to everyone and ultimately get the lovely 300 pound 80 year old woman that now needs to squeeze through and then squeeze out 3 or 4 times during the flight. Yumm! The seating usually involve a bribe and one kid making faces at the other for the duration of the flight. Luckily we have a portable DVD player which keeps one of them busy.Oh, and if you don't have children and are traveling to a kid friendly destination, do not shake your head at me or make any snide remarks that could have you searching for what used to be your front teeth. If you don't have kids, you have no idea how difficult it is traveling with them .We know that they might act up, deal with it or go somewhere like Vegas.
Now we are in whatever island destination we have chosen and the process of getting to the hotel from the airport begins. People become absolute maniacs when they are strapped with bags and kids. Add a foreign beach resort and all thought of rational behavior is thrown out the window. People are racing for shuttles, fighting for cabs and hitting me with the stack of 14 suitcases they have taken with them for the 5 day stay. Apparently they are not aware of the 50 pound rule or better yet don't care enough to abide by it.
Ahhhh, we arrive at the resort or hotel and all should be good, Right?, Wrong! The price conscious one next to me refuses to upgrade the room and we are on two queen size beds and again the debate begins.....who gets to sleep with Dad. Debate diffused as we come up with a rotating schedule and I take a peek into the minbar to make sure that it is stocked and immediately take an $8 beer which insights a riot in wifey's wallet. "did you just take a beer from the minibar?"she asks......"did you just travel 9 hrs with me and the kids?' I reply. Argument over for now, and me and my $8 beer head to the balcony to check out the digs.
So we are settled in and now its time to get the lay of the land. We take a quick tour and realize that there is a cruise ship that lets out every day and they have day passes to our resort. Huh? If I had known that I would have gone somewhere else! I went to said resort to relax and have fun, not get inundated with 300 plus cruise yahoos that get to take over the resort each day for $50! So each morning on my way from the gym I greet the line of yahoos with a scowl and move on.
Now that we are sharing the facility you know what we need to talk about next......chairs! Every morning I had to play the "who was gonna get to the chairs first and put down all there belongings" game. This is a game that I am a willing participant because if we do not have a seat front and center at the pool I will be in that and both all day chasing the kids around. If I can get up early enough to beat the cruise people I can get good seats and throw towels and books on the chairs to solidify our camp for the day. Success will be mine as I head out 15 minutes before the towel hut opens and am 1st in line 5 of 6 days! I rule. Eat that cruise people!
Seats secured its time to get the kids lubed up and pool ready. See the family vacation gives wifey a break from the day to day grind....for me, it's a continuation of my day to day responsibilities. By noon wifey is usually catching flies in a lounge chair while I am on my 456th trip down the water slide and 6 $8 beers deep! In fairness to her she was an active participant on the last trip because the kids are at different swimming levels and therefore were doing different slides. Day is over, I am beat and ready for a nap !
Repeat cycle for 5 more days and then its time to get packed up and ready to go home! Oh, but wait, the 50 lb suitcases are not feeling more like 80 lb suitcases and the vein in my forehead is actually visible. Thankfully people in tropical islands could care a less how much your bag weighs, so they ask us some random questions and we are on our way. 9 hrs later and a plane change in a pleasant city and we are home. I've now got 17 loads of laundry to do and need to figure out what that smell is in the backpack and where it came from! Can't wait to do this again!
Word to the wise, if you are headed on a family vacation that requires air travel and layovers bring patience and a flask of Bacardi!
Love you honey!!
SVP- OUT
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
"Little Kids and Sports"
Let me just start by stating this blog was inspired after watching a "coach" last night act like a complete and utter fool. I promised a long time ago I would not use crude language, and will continue the trend , but this guy had my blood boiling, and it really made me take a good hard look at my daughters' activities, and what they are getting themselves into.
I was not a "star" athlete in High School as I played football for a team that was more interested in getting their names on a jersey than actually winning games. Our team was a dismal 1-8 my senior year, but at the end of the day I was a 150 lb( soaking wet) Receiver and Cornerback who was not looking at any pro prospects. Essentially for me, it was intramural sports and weekend games of flag football for the remainder of my career. I accepted that, and from that point forward realized that sports would be a "fun" activity for me. Key on the word fun, as it will come back later.
Before we had the girls I was able to coach a pee wee football team while we were living in Maryland. I had a BLAST!!! The kids were 9-12 yr olds and they were fun, athletic and really seemed to enjoy the game. My Head Coach was a good friend who had a son on the team and we really worked well together. We had the team humming and that year we won the Championship! The kids were elated and I could not wait until the next season to do it all over again. Well, the next year, my friend was called up to the older team and he wanted me to come with him. This time, however, there was a new Head Coach, and we were both going to be acting in an Assistant role. We were two weeks into the new season and I quit. Yes, I hate to use the word , but after watching this coach demean the kids by yelling at them and treating them like dirt, I decided that I did not want to be a part of the team. I spoke with my friend and explained that I was not going to be a part of a team that did not have fun while playing the game. The boys were petrified and they clearly were not enjoying practice or the games. He stayed, I left. I retired a coach with a Championship.....I was OK with that.
Fast forward to us having the girls, and now I am in a position to coach my daughters softball team. My buddy approached me and asked last season if I wanted to help him coach and I immediately said yes. We had a quick season last year to get our feet wet and then this year we took over the "Lightning" squad. We have a group of 7 and 8 year olds that are learning the game and trying to figure out good technique. More importantly, they are getting to spend time with new friends while running around the bases. I love coaching and thought this would be a great opportunity for me to spend more time with my eldest and figure out if she was going to be a ball player or a track phenom. See, my eldest is fast, and I mean FAST! She runs like the wind, but when you put a ball in front of her everything breaks down. She really seems to be enjoying softball, so I think we might be able to fine tune some of her skills and make it fun for her.
Fast forward to last nights game. It's raining off and on and we are just trying to get through 5 innings without anyone getting hurt or sick. We happen to have a few girls on out team that hit REALLY well. These two girls can put a hurting on a softball. After one of them ropes a line drive to the outfield the other "coach" starts complaining. Yes, complaining! Out loud he is questioning how old she is and whether or not she should even be allowed to play on a team of 7 and 8 yr olds. He even went as far as to ask her how old she was and whether or not she should be playing on a travel team.
Needless to say this infuriated me. I tried to keep it light and approached him and explained how old she was and that her sister was a ball payer at the High School which could possibly explain why she was so advanced. He continued to complain, and actually shifted his better played to positions where she was hitting the ball. At that point he then started sending girls for extra bases and was clearly trying to make the game more about him than the players. Needless to say we crushed them and scored 16 runs. I know we are not supposed to keep track but this guy brought me to a point where I started counting runs out loud! Yes, I know, two wrongs don't make a right.
What I'm ultimately getting at here is that if you are going to coach your kids team, make it about them. Yes I understand that you want to make them better and work on their skills, but they are 8!!!! They have plenty of time to get better and work on hitting, fielding and all the essentials that will lead to a fruitful softball career. Don't be "that guy". I am as competitive as the next guy but the last thing I want for my kids os for them to dread going to practice or a game. Let them figure out what they want to play. If they don't like soccer, find something else. If the can't stand softball, find something else. You had your shot, and I'm guessing that if you are coaching your kids team, and not wearing a professional jersey of some sorts than it didn't go all that well for you. And ladies, please take this the right way, but if you are critiquing your kids at gymnastics and you yourself can't do a cartwheel, save the commentary. I don't recall seeing you on the cover of a Wheaties box when I was growing up. I almost want some of these gymnastic Mom's to throw on a leotard, hop on the rings and show us how its done. Unfortunately, we all know how that would end up. Kids are smart, they will figure it out, we are simply there to guide them and help them along.
Last night before our game I told the girls the word of the day was "FUN" We even chanted it before and after the game I am pleased to announce they had a blast. They were all hitting the ball running bases and laughing the entire game. My daughter struck out a few times last night but looked me dead in the face and said" I'm going to keep my head up". That's coaching! Make it about them. Who knows, they may even enjoy it and get REALLY good at it!
SVP-OUT!
I was not a "star" athlete in High School as I played football for a team that was more interested in getting their names on a jersey than actually winning games. Our team was a dismal 1-8 my senior year, but at the end of the day I was a 150 lb( soaking wet) Receiver and Cornerback who was not looking at any pro prospects. Essentially for me, it was intramural sports and weekend games of flag football for the remainder of my career. I accepted that, and from that point forward realized that sports would be a "fun" activity for me. Key on the word fun, as it will come back later.
Before we had the girls I was able to coach a pee wee football team while we were living in Maryland. I had a BLAST!!! The kids were 9-12 yr olds and they were fun, athletic and really seemed to enjoy the game. My Head Coach was a good friend who had a son on the team and we really worked well together. We had the team humming and that year we won the Championship! The kids were elated and I could not wait until the next season to do it all over again. Well, the next year, my friend was called up to the older team and he wanted me to come with him. This time, however, there was a new Head Coach, and we were both going to be acting in an Assistant role. We were two weeks into the new season and I quit. Yes, I hate to use the word , but after watching this coach demean the kids by yelling at them and treating them like dirt, I decided that I did not want to be a part of the team. I spoke with my friend and explained that I was not going to be a part of a team that did not have fun while playing the game. The boys were petrified and they clearly were not enjoying practice or the games. He stayed, I left. I retired a coach with a Championship.....I was OK with that.
Fast forward to us having the girls, and now I am in a position to coach my daughters softball team. My buddy approached me and asked last season if I wanted to help him coach and I immediately said yes. We had a quick season last year to get our feet wet and then this year we took over the "Lightning" squad. We have a group of 7 and 8 year olds that are learning the game and trying to figure out good technique. More importantly, they are getting to spend time with new friends while running around the bases. I love coaching and thought this would be a great opportunity for me to spend more time with my eldest and figure out if she was going to be a ball player or a track phenom. See, my eldest is fast, and I mean FAST! She runs like the wind, but when you put a ball in front of her everything breaks down. She really seems to be enjoying softball, so I think we might be able to fine tune some of her skills and make it fun for her.
Fast forward to last nights game. It's raining off and on and we are just trying to get through 5 innings without anyone getting hurt or sick. We happen to have a few girls on out team that hit REALLY well. These two girls can put a hurting on a softball. After one of them ropes a line drive to the outfield the other "coach" starts complaining. Yes, complaining! Out loud he is questioning how old she is and whether or not she should even be allowed to play on a team of 7 and 8 yr olds. He even went as far as to ask her how old she was and whether or not she should be playing on a travel team.
Needless to say this infuriated me. I tried to keep it light and approached him and explained how old she was and that her sister was a ball payer at the High School which could possibly explain why she was so advanced. He continued to complain, and actually shifted his better played to positions where she was hitting the ball. At that point he then started sending girls for extra bases and was clearly trying to make the game more about him than the players. Needless to say we crushed them and scored 16 runs. I know we are not supposed to keep track but this guy brought me to a point where I started counting runs out loud! Yes, I know, two wrongs don't make a right.
What I'm ultimately getting at here is that if you are going to coach your kids team, make it about them. Yes I understand that you want to make them better and work on their skills, but they are 8!!!! They have plenty of time to get better and work on hitting, fielding and all the essentials that will lead to a fruitful softball career. Don't be "that guy". I am as competitive as the next guy but the last thing I want for my kids os for them to dread going to practice or a game. Let them figure out what they want to play. If they don't like soccer, find something else. If the can't stand softball, find something else. You had your shot, and I'm guessing that if you are coaching your kids team, and not wearing a professional jersey of some sorts than it didn't go all that well for you. And ladies, please take this the right way, but if you are critiquing your kids at gymnastics and you yourself can't do a cartwheel, save the commentary. I don't recall seeing you on the cover of a Wheaties box when I was growing up. I almost want some of these gymnastic Mom's to throw on a leotard, hop on the rings and show us how its done. Unfortunately, we all know how that would end up. Kids are smart, they will figure it out, we are simply there to guide them and help them along.
Last night before our game I told the girls the word of the day was "FUN" We even chanted it before and after the game I am pleased to announce they had a blast. They were all hitting the ball running bases and laughing the entire game. My daughter struck out a few times last night but looked me dead in the face and said" I'm going to keep my head up". That's coaching! Make it about them. Who knows, they may even enjoy it and get REALLY good at it!
SVP-OUT!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
"Adventure Princess"
It's been way too long since my last blog, but I wanted to take on a topic that means a great deal to me. I recently had the opportunity to take a 3 day camping trip with my girls which quite frankly was one of the best experiences of my life.
About 6 months ago I was approached by a good friend of mine who wanted me to become part of the "Adventure Princess" program through the YMCA. I initially resisted. Listen, I'm a stay at home dad with two girls and a ten pound dog, did I really need to become part of a group called the Adventure Princess' ?
Thankfully, I put ego aside, and joined the group. What I thought would be an absolute nightmare with Dad's standing around and girls gabbing the entire time became something quite different. See, the program had us do different activities each mont in an effort to keep all involved engaged in the process.
Throughout the year we gathered once a month to keep in touch and do different things such as bowling, roller skating, tubing, a trip to Lake George, and more. I think what impressed me most about our group was the fact that everyone showed up! All Dad's were on deck, and all the girls were present at the different activities. See, I have a different perspective than all of those in my group, as I am home with my girls. When I was joking about these trips being "work" for me, these guys were taking full advantage of the time they had to have one on one face time. These activities in a way made me realize that I am, by far, the luckiest guy on the planet.
The Princess season culminated with a 3 day camping trip to Frost Valley. Picture a wooded area with a bunch of "nature loving" guides and no cell phones. To be honest, it was awesome to completely unplug, but even more awesome to watch the Dad's that have full time jobs completely unplug and just embrace the weekend for what it was. The constant smiles from the girls were refreshing. We played soccer, climbed rock walls, ate really unhealthy food, but most importantly let our girls know that we were there for them. There was even a checklist created for both Dad's and daughter's so we were on a level playing field going into the weekend.
The list consisted of such items as:
- Dad told child he loved her at least once over the weekend
- Dad encouraged child to try something new over the weekend
- Dad spoke to child about the importance of exercise
- Dad spent a minimum of ten hours interacting directly with child
Needless to say, I hit them all, and based on the character of the Dad's in my group, they hit them all too!
I guess the reason for the blog is to let you know that these opportunities only come around once in a while, and we as parents need to take advantage of every opportunity we can to make a difference in the lives of our children. I recently read an article that a friend sent to me that talked about parents spending entirely too much time on their cell phones and checking emails, and not nearly enough time interacting with the one thing that means the most to all of us......our kids! I'm not passing judgement on anyone, just suggesting that when these opportunities arise........GRAB THEM and run with them! What you may see as a slight inconvenience, they will see as a game changer. Kids see, hear and soak up way more than we give them credit for. I know at the end of the day, I want them to look back and say " Yeah, my Dad did some really cool things with me", .........don't you?
Thankfully, my good friend suggested I lead the circle next year, and I gladly accepted the challenge!
SVP-OUT!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
'The Gym"
As a stay at home parent, I think it is IMPERATIVE that you have a hobby or something that you can do on your own. There needs to be one thing that you can do on your own that will allow you the opportunity to blow off some steam, interact with adults, and get away from the kiddies for an hour or so.
My "free time" comes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings after I drop off the little one at preschool. From about 9am until 11am I know that I will be able to throw on my iPod, listen to some expletive laden rap music from the 80's and 90's and do some serious people watching at my gym.
For those of you that have been reading, you know that my #1 tip for Job Security is staying in shape! I stand by the original statement that if your wife is willing to put in the 60 hr work week, the least you could do is stay in shape so that when she comes home she is not staring at the college frat guy on the couch with a beer in one hand and his manhood in the other. Listen, the days as a SAHD can be brutal. There will be days when the kids don't listen to a thing you say, someone calls you "Mr. Mom ( hate it! ) and you feel like the clock has stopped and the thought of wifey coming through the door is a mirage. The gym gives you the opportunity to put all of that stress to good use. Where else can you go and burn calories being angry? Come up with a solid program that will help you reach your goals and simply get after it. I view the gym as part of my responsibility as a SAHD. And listen fellas, you are 15 pounds away from potentially being traded in! And lets be honest, if you do happen to get traded in, you want to be front line ready!
The other part of the gym that fascinates me is the people watching. I belong to one of the major chain gyms here, and the people watching is fantastic! I have even come up with nicknames for the folks that frequent during my 2 hours of stress release :
The Grunter : We all have one at our gym and love them to death. While in the middle of an exercise you will hear this god awful noise coming from the "grunter" who typically has the equivalent of a car on a barbell and is curling it like its his job. The "grunter" always makes me smile, and no never directly at them. Smiling or laughing at the "grunter" could end up with you in a dumpster behind the gym.
The Cruiser : The cruiser is a slick one. He/she looks as if they are working out and putting in the time, but if you pay close attention to them they are actually just walking around the gym and not doing a darn thing. Often they will walk up to a machine, take a good hard look at it, look around to make sure that nobody is going to write about them in a blog and then move on to another machine. If you want to disturb the "cruiser" walk in their path while they are on the way to a machine....completely throws off their game plan. You will often find the "cruiser" at the WiFi table drinking coffee when you are leaving.
The Creeper : Ok, so when I was younger and went to the Bally's on Palisades Pkwy, I was the "creeper" The creeper is the guy that intentionally gets a spot on a treadmill that is directly behind the hottest woman in the gym, thus making the three to five mile run much more doable. You can just tell a "creeper" by the smirk. When you think you have a "creeper" in your sights simply look in front of him to confirm. Sorry ladies, but there is a good chance there is a "creeper" behind you !
The Newbee's : God bless you "Newbee's" . Every year at the same time ( Jan 1st) we are inundated with "newbee's". You can often tell a "newbee" by the attire. If you see someone wearing a matching Sergio Tecchini sweatsuit, or an outfit that looks like it came straight out of 1989, there is a good chance you are face to face with a "newbee". Ladies, no leg warmers or headbands please! Be warned "newbee" , there are a handful of us that are actually betting on how long you will make it. I know, its an awful thing to do, but you set yourself up by purchasing a gym membership and coming 3 times. My advice to you is to ask questions! Don't walk around aimlessly hoping that the magic program will fall out of the sky and you will figure out how to navigate the machines on your own. I think"newbee's" fail because they get intimidated. Don't get intimidated, we were all "newbee's" once!
The Ditcher : The "ditcher" is they guy/gal with the cell phone by their side at all times. They are constantly checking emails and voicemails to make sure that the boss does not know that they are at the gym instead of in the "Field". You can always tell when the "ditcher" has an important call. They run to a secluded corner, take the call and then take a deep breath after they hang up.
The Professional : The "professional" is the guy/gal that comes in throws an iPod on and GOES! The professional knows where everything is and can navigate the gym blindfolded. Most of the times the professional will dress in a way that will let the others know they mean business. The iPod signifies the fact that they are not there to make friends and have one person in mind.....themselves! If the professional has a hat on it is most likely pulled down so you can't even see there eyes. The walk is intentional and they spend little to no time socializing. In, and out!
And then you have the Trainers. Unfortunately the majority of trainers at my gym look as if they came straight from the couch. The other few look as if they just came from the tattoo parlor! One of my greatest days at the gym occurred when I watched a trainer who was doing the "cool guy" walk, walk directly into a piece of equipment. And yes, I laughed out loud and directly toward him. He was not nearly as big as the "grunter"!
As a stay at home parent you will need a stress release. Find something that you truly enjoy to do and make sure you carve out some time to do it a few times a week. I love to workout so the gym was an obvious choice for me. I get to burn off the beer I so love to drink and do some people watching all in one place. Winner winner chicken dinner!
SVP-OUT!
My "free time" comes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings after I drop off the little one at preschool. From about 9am until 11am I know that I will be able to throw on my iPod, listen to some expletive laden rap music from the 80's and 90's and do some serious people watching at my gym.
For those of you that have been reading, you know that my #1 tip for Job Security is staying in shape! I stand by the original statement that if your wife is willing to put in the 60 hr work week, the least you could do is stay in shape so that when she comes home she is not staring at the college frat guy on the couch with a beer in one hand and his manhood in the other. Listen, the days as a SAHD can be brutal. There will be days when the kids don't listen to a thing you say, someone calls you "Mr. Mom ( hate it! ) and you feel like the clock has stopped and the thought of wifey coming through the door is a mirage. The gym gives you the opportunity to put all of that stress to good use. Where else can you go and burn calories being angry? Come up with a solid program that will help you reach your goals and simply get after it. I view the gym as part of my responsibility as a SAHD. And listen fellas, you are 15 pounds away from potentially being traded in! And lets be honest, if you do happen to get traded in, you want to be front line ready!
The other part of the gym that fascinates me is the people watching. I belong to one of the major chain gyms here, and the people watching is fantastic! I have even come up with nicknames for the folks that frequent during my 2 hours of stress release :
The Grunter : We all have one at our gym and love them to death. While in the middle of an exercise you will hear this god awful noise coming from the "grunter" who typically has the equivalent of a car on a barbell and is curling it like its his job. The "grunter" always makes me smile, and no never directly at them. Smiling or laughing at the "grunter" could end up with you in a dumpster behind the gym.
The Cruiser : The cruiser is a slick one. He/she looks as if they are working out and putting in the time, but if you pay close attention to them they are actually just walking around the gym and not doing a darn thing. Often they will walk up to a machine, take a good hard look at it, look around to make sure that nobody is going to write about them in a blog and then move on to another machine. If you want to disturb the "cruiser" walk in their path while they are on the way to a machine....completely throws off their game plan. You will often find the "cruiser" at the WiFi table drinking coffee when you are leaving.
The Creeper : Ok, so when I was younger and went to the Bally's on Palisades Pkwy, I was the "creeper" The creeper is the guy that intentionally gets a spot on a treadmill that is directly behind the hottest woman in the gym, thus making the three to five mile run much more doable. You can just tell a "creeper" by the smirk. When you think you have a "creeper" in your sights simply look in front of him to confirm. Sorry ladies, but there is a good chance there is a "creeper" behind you !
The Newbee's : God bless you "Newbee's" . Every year at the same time ( Jan 1st) we are inundated with "newbee's". You can often tell a "newbee" by the attire. If you see someone wearing a matching Sergio Tecchini sweatsuit, or an outfit that looks like it came straight out of 1989, there is a good chance you are face to face with a "newbee". Ladies, no leg warmers or headbands please! Be warned "newbee" , there are a handful of us that are actually betting on how long you will make it. I know, its an awful thing to do, but you set yourself up by purchasing a gym membership and coming 3 times. My advice to you is to ask questions! Don't walk around aimlessly hoping that the magic program will fall out of the sky and you will figure out how to navigate the machines on your own. I think"newbee's" fail because they get intimidated. Don't get intimidated, we were all "newbee's" once!
The Ditcher : The "ditcher" is they guy/gal with the cell phone by their side at all times. They are constantly checking emails and voicemails to make sure that the boss does not know that they are at the gym instead of in the "Field". You can always tell when the "ditcher" has an important call. They run to a secluded corner, take the call and then take a deep breath after they hang up.
The Professional : The "professional" is the guy/gal that comes in throws an iPod on and GOES! The professional knows where everything is and can navigate the gym blindfolded. Most of the times the professional will dress in a way that will let the others know they mean business. The iPod signifies the fact that they are not there to make friends and have one person in mind.....themselves! If the professional has a hat on it is most likely pulled down so you can't even see there eyes. The walk is intentional and they spend little to no time socializing. In, and out!
And then you have the Trainers. Unfortunately the majority of trainers at my gym look as if they came straight from the couch. The other few look as if they just came from the tattoo parlor! One of my greatest days at the gym occurred when I watched a trainer who was doing the "cool guy" walk, walk directly into a piece of equipment. And yes, I laughed out loud and directly toward him. He was not nearly as big as the "grunter"!
As a stay at home parent you will need a stress release. Find something that you truly enjoy to do and make sure you carve out some time to do it a few times a week. I love to workout so the gym was an obvious choice for me. I get to burn off the beer I so love to drink and do some people watching all in one place. Winner winner chicken dinner!
SVP-OUT!
Monday, March 5, 2012
"Sensitivity Training"
Ok, so by now you know that I am a SAHD of two little girls. I coordinate matching outfits for school, and am a proud member of the Adventure Princesses of Southern Saratoga County. This is a far cry from the person I used to be. People often say that having children changes your perspective on life. As a SAHD of two little girls, I could not agree more.
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
"Thank You"
As I have gone back and reviewed my previous blogs, it has become obvious to me that through all of the stories and all of the ups and downs of being a SAHD, I have neglected to take a moment to thank the one that has made all of this possible.
You see, in order to get promoted to the SVP of Household Operations, wifey had to work her tail off to get where SHE is. As I look back on our situation, I realize just how lucky I am . Most SAHD's, or stay at home parents for that matter always talk about how thankless and difficult this job is. As I dig deeper, I realize it is relatively easy compared to the role of a working Mom. Wifey has never once complained about the role she plays in our family. Never once while we were living in St Louis did she complain about all the late night flights home and hotel rooms she stayed in over the years to support our family. She tried to remain positive, but through all the late goodnight calls to the girls and I, I knew deep down she was missing them tremendously.
I can't for a second imagine what it would be like to do what she did while we lived in Missouri. See, our initial move to the Midwest was not met with overwhelming joy. While it was a promotion for my wife, it also meant that the family was going to be relocating. We were moving halfway across the country, away from family, and really had no idea when or if we would be moving back close to home. I don't know about you, but that would be pressure I would not want on my shoulders. We told everyone that it was a two to three year deal, but in reality we had no idea how long the journey would be.
When we initially made the move, she promised me that she would do everything she could to get us back closer to family. Now since I had worked for the same company for a long time, I knew this would be difficult if not impossible to deliver. You don't get to pick your next spot, and these positions only open every once in a while. She knew that the move was a difficult one for me, and that plunking us down in the middle of nowhere was not going to be easy for anyone. It was going to require a new school, new friends, and not a family member within 1,000 miles to help during the transition. She traveled every other week for the first year that we were there, and to say that it was difficult would be an understatement. But as I look back I realize now that it was just as difficult for her. All the time that "I" was getting to watch the girls grow up, was in turn time that "SHE" was not. I tried not to complain about my day or the girls when she called and put on a happy face for her when she walked through the door after a 3 day trip back East. I tried my best to be conscious of the fact that she was missing the girls and the moaning about silly things would only make it more difficult for her. But sometimes that was easier said than done.
For two years almost to the tee, she delivered as promised. Not only were we moving due to her promotion, we were headed back closer to home. Win-Win for all. Wifey would not have to travel anymore. She would be based out of an office and really only have to do a day trip here and there. The kids are elated that Mom is home for dinner every night, and Dad is ecstatic that his better half is home every night to watch reality TV and chat with me on the couch. Having her around is fantastic. You see, living the lonely life of a SAHD while wifey traveled was hard, but in the end, worth every second.
So wifey, this is me saying THANK YOU! Thanks for all the sacrifices you have made over the past few years, but most importantly, THANK YOU for allowing me to have this time with our girls. It really has been the best few years for me. I have learned a great deal about myself and the girls. The hard work that you have put in has paid off in terms of a very good life for our family. I do appreciate all that you do for us. Not only are you a pretty good RVP:), but you are an amazing wife and Mom!
We are all very proud of you and what you have been able to accomplish. That being said, do you think we might be able to stay here for a while? I kinda like it here.
SVP-OUT!
You see, in order to get promoted to the SVP of Household Operations, wifey had to work her tail off to get where SHE is. As I look back on our situation, I realize just how lucky I am . Most SAHD's, or stay at home parents for that matter always talk about how thankless and difficult this job is. As I dig deeper, I realize it is relatively easy compared to the role of a working Mom. Wifey has never once complained about the role she plays in our family. Never once while we were living in St Louis did she complain about all the late night flights home and hotel rooms she stayed in over the years to support our family. She tried to remain positive, but through all the late goodnight calls to the girls and I, I knew deep down she was missing them tremendously.
I can't for a second imagine what it would be like to do what she did while we lived in Missouri. See, our initial move to the Midwest was not met with overwhelming joy. While it was a promotion for my wife, it also meant that the family was going to be relocating. We were moving halfway across the country, away from family, and really had no idea when or if we would be moving back close to home. I don't know about you, but that would be pressure I would not want on my shoulders. We told everyone that it was a two to three year deal, but in reality we had no idea how long the journey would be.
When we initially made the move, she promised me that she would do everything she could to get us back closer to family. Now since I had worked for the same company for a long time, I knew this would be difficult if not impossible to deliver. You don't get to pick your next spot, and these positions only open every once in a while. She knew that the move was a difficult one for me, and that plunking us down in the middle of nowhere was not going to be easy for anyone. It was going to require a new school, new friends, and not a family member within 1,000 miles to help during the transition. She traveled every other week for the first year that we were there, and to say that it was difficult would be an understatement. But as I look back I realize now that it was just as difficult for her. All the time that "I" was getting to watch the girls grow up, was in turn time that "SHE" was not. I tried not to complain about my day or the girls when she called and put on a happy face for her when she walked through the door after a 3 day trip back East. I tried my best to be conscious of the fact that she was missing the girls and the moaning about silly things would only make it more difficult for her. But sometimes that was easier said than done.
For two years almost to the tee, she delivered as promised. Not only were we moving due to her promotion, we were headed back closer to home. Win-Win for all. Wifey would not have to travel anymore. She would be based out of an office and really only have to do a day trip here and there. The kids are elated that Mom is home for dinner every night, and Dad is ecstatic that his better half is home every night to watch reality TV and chat with me on the couch. Having her around is fantastic. You see, living the lonely life of a SAHD while wifey traveled was hard, but in the end, worth every second.
So wifey, this is me saying THANK YOU! Thanks for all the sacrifices you have made over the past few years, but most importantly, THANK YOU for allowing me to have this time with our girls. It really has been the best few years for me. I have learned a great deal about myself and the girls. The hard work that you have put in has paid off in terms of a very good life for our family. I do appreciate all that you do for us. Not only are you a pretty good RVP:), but you are an amazing wife and Mom!
We are all very proud of you and what you have been able to accomplish. That being said, do you think we might be able to stay here for a while? I kinda like it here.
SVP-OUT!
Monday, February 13, 2012
"You want a what ? "
A wise man once told me " you should never have more kids than arms. " I must say, I totally agree. We have finally gotten to a position where both kids are out of diapers, they can walk up and down the steps on their own, and they sleep through the night. To put an end to such a great thing would just seem unfair. Well guess what? Wifey is starting the negotiations again for #3.
I take a look at this in a diplomatic way. I look at the important facts that are presented and weigh the pros and cons to see if this is the right move for the "team". For the life of me, I can't figure out where she is coming from.
Let's take a look at a few factors, shall we :
1. I love sleep - Sleep in our house comes at a premium. The girls are not late sleepers so the weekends do not offer any relief from the normal everyday schedule. I am not saying that this is the most important thing to me, but having the girls sleeping through the night is a bonus. I can clearly remember the nights with the kids when they were not sleeping through the night. We were getting up every three hours to feed, we were grumpy in the morning, and coffee did NOTHING to help the cause. I distinctly remember one evening in Baltimore where I was banging my head against the wall as I was feeding the oldest one while she was devouring a bottle.
Then there is the monitor. We are about to get rid of the monitor for the little one and go to a monitor free home. The monitor is a game to wifey and I. She thinks that I don't know that she is pretending to sleep when I get up to answer the call. Unfortunately for her, our youngest actually calls out "Mommy", which gives her no out. I typically giggle when this happens and go right back to sleep. I can do many things as the SVP, but transforming into Mommy is not one of them. And for the record, wifey loves sleep more than me, so the thought of splitting feedings is a pipe dream.
2. We like to travel - Before wifey and I had children we loved to take trips! We would go on cruises, go to Aruba, but most importantly go anywhere whenever we wanted to. Since having our princesses' we have been limited to the sights and sounds of one particular mouse that lives in a Magic Kingdom. I am not saying that I have not had a blast in Disney, I just think its time for us to be able to sit down to a meal and not be joined by cartoon characters and singing it's a small world. This year we are taking our first all inclusive vacation with the girls and I am stoked to say the least. I am looking forward to them being able to enjoy this type of vacation. They both are good eaters so they will try food and they love the water so we will be able to have some good family time in the water together. Having a 3rd puts us back a few years on the vacation circuit. That may sound extremely selfish, but being able to hop on a plane with two small kids and not worrying about implosion is huge. I want to travel with a suitcase, not a suitcase, Boppy, car seat, pack n play, seventeen bottles and a diaper bag.
3. I want to go back to work - Ok, so maybe I should have listed this on the top. There has always been the feeling that I want to go back to work when the girls are both in school full-time. As it stands now the youngest is a year away. She will go to Kindergarten this year and then we are off and running. I have always wanted to open my own gym for kids, and with both kids in school I will have time to get things off the ground. A little one puts me back a few years because you know who would be staying home. Yes, I know, short sighted. I can hear all of you Moms saying it right now, but at least I am being honest. I have appreciated the time that I have had home with the girls, and I have gotten to do something that 99% of men will never get to do.
Yes, I know that these reasons seem selfish, and I also understand that they are all temporary things that we will breeze through. That being said, these are my arguments and I am sticking to them. I thought the solution was the ten pound beast but that backfired completely. I think we might have to adopt a 19 year old swedish swimsuit model. This way we have a built in babysitter. Kidding, just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
SVP- OUT !
I take a look at this in a diplomatic way. I look at the important facts that are presented and weigh the pros and cons to see if this is the right move for the "team". For the life of me, I can't figure out where she is coming from.
Let's take a look at a few factors, shall we :
1. I love sleep - Sleep in our house comes at a premium. The girls are not late sleepers so the weekends do not offer any relief from the normal everyday schedule. I am not saying that this is the most important thing to me, but having the girls sleeping through the night is a bonus. I can clearly remember the nights with the kids when they were not sleeping through the night. We were getting up every three hours to feed, we were grumpy in the morning, and coffee did NOTHING to help the cause. I distinctly remember one evening in Baltimore where I was banging my head against the wall as I was feeding the oldest one while she was devouring a bottle.
Then there is the monitor. We are about to get rid of the monitor for the little one and go to a monitor free home. The monitor is a game to wifey and I. She thinks that I don't know that she is pretending to sleep when I get up to answer the call. Unfortunately for her, our youngest actually calls out "Mommy", which gives her no out. I typically giggle when this happens and go right back to sleep. I can do many things as the SVP, but transforming into Mommy is not one of them. And for the record, wifey loves sleep more than me, so the thought of splitting feedings is a pipe dream.
2. We like to travel - Before wifey and I had children we loved to take trips! We would go on cruises, go to Aruba, but most importantly go anywhere whenever we wanted to. Since having our princesses' we have been limited to the sights and sounds of one particular mouse that lives in a Magic Kingdom. I am not saying that I have not had a blast in Disney, I just think its time for us to be able to sit down to a meal and not be joined by cartoon characters and singing it's a small world. This year we are taking our first all inclusive vacation with the girls and I am stoked to say the least. I am looking forward to them being able to enjoy this type of vacation. They both are good eaters so they will try food and they love the water so we will be able to have some good family time in the water together. Having a 3rd puts us back a few years on the vacation circuit. That may sound extremely selfish, but being able to hop on a plane with two small kids and not worrying about implosion is huge. I want to travel with a suitcase, not a suitcase, Boppy, car seat, pack n play, seventeen bottles and a diaper bag.
3. I want to go back to work - Ok, so maybe I should have listed this on the top. There has always been the feeling that I want to go back to work when the girls are both in school full-time. As it stands now the youngest is a year away. She will go to Kindergarten this year and then we are off and running. I have always wanted to open my own gym for kids, and with both kids in school I will have time to get things off the ground. A little one puts me back a few years because you know who would be staying home. Yes, I know, short sighted. I can hear all of you Moms saying it right now, but at least I am being honest. I have appreciated the time that I have had home with the girls, and I have gotten to do something that 99% of men will never get to do.
Yes, I know that these reasons seem selfish, and I also understand that they are all temporary things that we will breeze through. That being said, these are my arguments and I am sticking to them. I thought the solution was the ten pound beast but that backfired completely. I think we might have to adopt a 19 year old swedish swimsuit model. This way we have a built in babysitter. Kidding, just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
SVP- OUT !
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
"The Play Date"
So, you have mastered the art of Mommy and Me, now it's time to introduce you to the concept of the play date. What appears to be a simple thing really has quite a few nuances that you need to understand before you enter into the agreement.
I was introduced to the play date when my oldest came home from camp one day and said" Daddy, I wanna play with my friend from camp". The only issue with this was we did not know her or her parents and she lived all the way at the other end of our development. So, I tried to ignore the request for a few days but eventually she broke me down with the nagging and constant asking. She came home one day and I reluctantly loaded her and the little one in the car and we headed down the street. Not knowing her Mom at all I figured I was in for a big fat "NO". Here is some strange guy pulling up to my house asking me to take my daughter back to his house. Well, guess what ....I RULE..not only did I get my oldest's buddy but I was able to convince her to send the little one too who is the same age as mine! I am good at what I do. Needless to say,play date went well and Mom came to pick them up in a few hours.....win-win! This will not always be the case fellas so you need to prepare yourself for the potential pitfalls. In an effort to provide some guidance, I have come up with a few ground rules for the first few play dates.
Rule # 1 : This is a drop off only activity. When you come to drop off your child I am not expecting you to come in as I will not be planning on coming in to your home. There will be no wine and cheese on the counter and limited chit chat. I have my days planned out to the minute and throwing the Mommy visit in wrecks my mojo! See, when the kids are playing, they are not asking me for juice, or a snack, or to turn on the TV, so I am actually able to get a lot done around the house. Selfishly you should enjoy this! I am giving you the next few hours to run errands, go to the gym, go for a run, or simply go home and slug a bottle of Kendall so you can deal with your kid when you pick her back up. Enjoy the free time, as I know I will.
Rule # 2 : I am not a food pantry. If your kid is coming with the intention of eating us out of house and home she is sorely mistaken. I give my kids one snack when they get home and that's it! There is no munching on chips while they take in mindless Spongebob on the couch in this house. If my daughter asks me for a second snack for your child the answer will still be "NO".
Rule # 3 : If your child is coming to my house to leave an indentation on my couch while she watches TV, Im sorry, that is simply not going to happen. See, my oldest actually turns off the TV when friends come over and immediately starts asking what activities they want to do. I always tell my kids how great it was when I was little. We went outside and played until it was dark. We had no electronic devices, no Temple Run and no Disney Channel. All we had was a bike and a streetlight which magically told us what time we needed to go home based on the reflection on your handlebars.
Rule # 4 : I will not be doing makeup or painting nails. My kids often come home from play dates with eye shadow, lipstick, and nail polish on. I wear trifocals and can barely see the keyboard I am currently typing on. I take my kids to get their nails done, so the chances of me doing your kids' is zero.
Rule # 5 : If you make a mess and don't clean it up, or treat my kids like garbage, there will be no invite back. See, my kids know that when they are leaving someone's house they need to start cleaning up 10 minutes before they leave. If your kids ransack the place and roll out, my kids end up cleaning and crying.....that simply does not work. Vomiting in the house will also put you in jeopardy of being invited back. My eldest had a play date a few weeks back and the little buddy power booted all over her room. Uh, there should be a rule that if your kid throws up at somebody else's house, you should have to come and clean it up . I was dry heaving for hours and the room still doesn't smell the same.
I have created these rules for the "newbies". The neighborhood kids pretty much have free reign over my house because I know them and their parents. These rules apply for the first few play dates and eventually will lead to a meeting with the parents. Once we have broken bread and enjoyed a beverage together rules become a bit more lax. I have been fortunate so far that most of my kids' friends have really cool Dads with similar interests. This is a win-win for all, as the kid play date soon becomes a parent play date on Friday nights with some apps, a few adult beverages, and a lot of laughs!
SVP - OUT!
I was introduced to the play date when my oldest came home from camp one day and said" Daddy, I wanna play with my friend from camp". The only issue with this was we did not know her or her parents and she lived all the way at the other end of our development. So, I tried to ignore the request for a few days but eventually she broke me down with the nagging and constant asking. She came home one day and I reluctantly loaded her and the little one in the car and we headed down the street. Not knowing her Mom at all I figured I was in for a big fat "NO". Here is some strange guy pulling up to my house asking me to take my daughter back to his house. Well, guess what ....I RULE..not only did I get my oldest's buddy but I was able to convince her to send the little one too who is the same age as mine! I am good at what I do. Needless to say,play date went well and Mom came to pick them up in a few hours.....win-win! This will not always be the case fellas so you need to prepare yourself for the potential pitfalls. In an effort to provide some guidance, I have come up with a few ground rules for the first few play dates.
Rule # 1 : This is a drop off only activity. When you come to drop off your child I am not expecting you to come in as I will not be planning on coming in to your home. There will be no wine and cheese on the counter and limited chit chat. I have my days planned out to the minute and throwing the Mommy visit in wrecks my mojo! See, when the kids are playing, they are not asking me for juice, or a snack, or to turn on the TV, so I am actually able to get a lot done around the house. Selfishly you should enjoy this! I am giving you the next few hours to run errands, go to the gym, go for a run, or simply go home and slug a bottle of Kendall so you can deal with your kid when you pick her back up. Enjoy the free time, as I know I will.
Rule # 2 : I am not a food pantry. If your kid is coming with the intention of eating us out of house and home she is sorely mistaken. I give my kids one snack when they get home and that's it! There is no munching on chips while they take in mindless Spongebob on the couch in this house. If my daughter asks me for a second snack for your child the answer will still be "NO".
Rule # 3 : If your child is coming to my house to leave an indentation on my couch while she watches TV, Im sorry, that is simply not going to happen. See, my oldest actually turns off the TV when friends come over and immediately starts asking what activities they want to do. I always tell my kids how great it was when I was little. We went outside and played until it was dark. We had no electronic devices, no Temple Run and no Disney Channel. All we had was a bike and a streetlight which magically told us what time we needed to go home based on the reflection on your handlebars.
Rule # 4 : I will not be doing makeup or painting nails. My kids often come home from play dates with eye shadow, lipstick, and nail polish on. I wear trifocals and can barely see the keyboard I am currently typing on. I take my kids to get their nails done, so the chances of me doing your kids' is zero.
Rule # 5 : If you make a mess and don't clean it up, or treat my kids like garbage, there will be no invite back. See, my kids know that when they are leaving someone's house they need to start cleaning up 10 minutes before they leave. If your kids ransack the place and roll out, my kids end up cleaning and crying.....that simply does not work. Vomiting in the house will also put you in jeopardy of being invited back. My eldest had a play date a few weeks back and the little buddy power booted all over her room. Uh, there should be a rule that if your kid throws up at somebody else's house, you should have to come and clean it up . I was dry heaving for hours and the room still doesn't smell the same.
I have created these rules for the "newbies". The neighborhood kids pretty much have free reign over my house because I know them and their parents. These rules apply for the first few play dates and eventually will lead to a meeting with the parents. Once we have broken bread and enjoyed a beverage together rules become a bit more lax. I have been fortunate so far that most of my kids' friends have really cool Dads with similar interests. This is a win-win for all, as the kid play date soon becomes a parent play date on Friday nights with some apps, a few adult beverages, and a lot of laughs!
SVP - OUT!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Workforce re-entry," Houston, we have a problem"
All well written plans have wrinkles and ours would prove to be no different. See, when you sit down with the family and decide that this is what best you have to carefully take into consideration all the pro's and cons. Unfortunately, the economic collapse of the nation was not on the con side when we came up with the SVP position. This was supposed to be a 3 to 4 year gig with the option to go back to work after the girls were settled in school.
When we left the Philadelphia area in 2008 things still had the appearance of normal. By normal I mean the country looked nothing like the train wreck that it would 3 months later. We moved to St Louis, settled in their and watched the layoffs happen on a daily basis. Friends, family, and neighbors alike were heavily impacted by the collapse of the major banking and financial institutions. Unemployment rose, and the market became ultra competitive, and unfortunately as a SAHD, I became less and less marketable as the days went by.
Going into the move to St Louis I knew that I was going to be home full time with the girls since wifey was traveling so much. It made no sense for us to add the stress of day care and sick days and all that garbage if we didn't have to. Fortunately for us we were at a place financially where it just made sense. I accepted that the was my deal for the next 2 to 3 years and that was that. For those of you that know me, this was not easy. I was used to hustling and selling and being out and about. It was like going from 5th gear to 1st with no stops between. Little did I know that my daily stresses in this new role would make a job look like nap time. I obtained a personal training certification while home but really did not do much with it, but we will revisit that another time. I volunteered at my daughter's school often and co-chaired a few events at school to stay active and be able to talk to big people on occasion. I was active in the PTA and tried to make as many contacts as I could but unfortunately we were in an area that was heavily impacted by the economic downturn. I even had the best free head hunter that got me an interview with a pharm company. As it turned out they wanted to hire me but cut the sales force in half a week after they interviewed me.
Well, wouldn't you know that almost to the day of wifey's time commitment in her role was up she got promoted. Such an awesome moment for all of us and I could not have been prouder of what she had accomplished. She is an amazing person and has worked extremely hard to get where she is. This was also huge for the family because we were heading back EAST. Both of our families are from the Northeast so not only was it a great promotion, but it was also bringing us closer to home. We packed up the kids and off we went.
So here we are in upstate NY, wifey has settled in and the girls are doing great. One problem, Dad can't seem to find something to get into. I have had numerous responses to the old resume and have had phone interview after phone interview but unfortunately when we get to the question of "What have you been doing since 2008", it all goes south ........in a hurry. See, most recruiters ( except the one's I know and love!) have issue with the fact that I have been a SAHD for the past three years. I confidently explain to the that if you can sell , than you can sell and reiterate the 15 years of experience I have. Sales is not something that leaves you over time. Unfortunately they are not buying. I even used the sales diamond on one of them and left him speechless. For those of you who know what that is stop laughing....I rocked the diamond! I was even told by a recruiter once ( who was awful) while he read off his script, that since I was out of work for over 2 years that he simply could do nothing for me. I told him it was by choice but still no dice.
If I could give a word of advice to those recruiters out there that are trying to fill positions and get paid per hire it would be this: get me the face to face, I will do the rest. The way I look at it is yes, I have been out for 3 years, but that just means I am well rested. I am not one of these folks walking around waiting for the hammer to drop, miserable with being underpaid for taking on more, and always looking for the next opportunity. I have plenty to give and could sell a ketchup popsicle to a guy in a white suit. Don't judge the fact that I have been home with the kids. Do you have any idea what its like trying to sell a 4 yr old on an outfit to wear in the morning? The fact of the matter is while you are on your computer updating your Facebook status and checking your fantasy team ranking I am doing 4 loads of laundry, cleaning the house and making sure that wifey and the kids are going to have a hot meal by 6:45. Oh , and I forgot walking the ten pound dog 4 times as she has the bladder the size of a pea!
I have decided to stop the search for now and be the best SVP I can be. There is no sense stressing myself over positions that I do not want. Hopefully the calls from the script readers will come to an end and I will have the opportunity to work on a life long dream of mine and finish my business plan for my children's fitness center. If the workforce does not have a position for me than I will just have to create one!
Listen, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so when the little one starts school full time, I know the opportunity of a lifetime will knock on my front door. See, I am a glass half full guy so I know that not only will I be able to look back on this time and thank my lucky stars I had it, I'll be looking back from my corner office window!
Gotta run, I have pulled pork in the crock pot that needs to come out, and the dog is standing at the back door!
SVP-Out!
When we left the Philadelphia area in 2008 things still had the appearance of normal. By normal I mean the country looked nothing like the train wreck that it would 3 months later. We moved to St Louis, settled in their and watched the layoffs happen on a daily basis. Friends, family, and neighbors alike were heavily impacted by the collapse of the major banking and financial institutions. Unemployment rose, and the market became ultra competitive, and unfortunately as a SAHD, I became less and less marketable as the days went by.
Going into the move to St Louis I knew that I was going to be home full time with the girls since wifey was traveling so much. It made no sense for us to add the stress of day care and sick days and all that garbage if we didn't have to. Fortunately for us we were at a place financially where it just made sense. I accepted that the was my deal for the next 2 to 3 years and that was that. For those of you that know me, this was not easy. I was used to hustling and selling and being out and about. It was like going from 5th gear to 1st with no stops between. Little did I know that my daily stresses in this new role would make a job look like nap time. I obtained a personal training certification while home but really did not do much with it, but we will revisit that another time. I volunteered at my daughter's school often and co-chaired a few events at school to stay active and be able to talk to big people on occasion. I was active in the PTA and tried to make as many contacts as I could but unfortunately we were in an area that was heavily impacted by the economic downturn. I even had the best free head hunter that got me an interview with a pharm company. As it turned out they wanted to hire me but cut the sales force in half a week after they interviewed me.
Well, wouldn't you know that almost to the day of wifey's time commitment in her role was up she got promoted. Such an awesome moment for all of us and I could not have been prouder of what she had accomplished. She is an amazing person and has worked extremely hard to get where she is. This was also huge for the family because we were heading back EAST. Both of our families are from the Northeast so not only was it a great promotion, but it was also bringing us closer to home. We packed up the kids and off we went.
So here we are in upstate NY, wifey has settled in and the girls are doing great. One problem, Dad can't seem to find something to get into. I have had numerous responses to the old resume and have had phone interview after phone interview but unfortunately when we get to the question of "What have you been doing since 2008", it all goes south ........in a hurry. See, most recruiters ( except the one's I know and love!) have issue with the fact that I have been a SAHD for the past three years. I confidently explain to the that if you can sell , than you can sell and reiterate the 15 years of experience I have. Sales is not something that leaves you over time. Unfortunately they are not buying. I even used the sales diamond on one of them and left him speechless. For those of you who know what that is stop laughing....I rocked the diamond! I was even told by a recruiter once ( who was awful) while he read off his script, that since I was out of work for over 2 years that he simply could do nothing for me. I told him it was by choice but still no dice.
If I could give a word of advice to those recruiters out there that are trying to fill positions and get paid per hire it would be this: get me the face to face, I will do the rest. The way I look at it is yes, I have been out for 3 years, but that just means I am well rested. I am not one of these folks walking around waiting for the hammer to drop, miserable with being underpaid for taking on more, and always looking for the next opportunity. I have plenty to give and could sell a ketchup popsicle to a guy in a white suit. Don't judge the fact that I have been home with the kids. Do you have any idea what its like trying to sell a 4 yr old on an outfit to wear in the morning? The fact of the matter is while you are on your computer updating your Facebook status and checking your fantasy team ranking I am doing 4 loads of laundry, cleaning the house and making sure that wifey and the kids are going to have a hot meal by 6:45. Oh , and I forgot walking the ten pound dog 4 times as she has the bladder the size of a pea!
I have decided to stop the search for now and be the best SVP I can be. There is no sense stressing myself over positions that I do not want. Hopefully the calls from the script readers will come to an end and I will have the opportunity to work on a life long dream of mine and finish my business plan for my children's fitness center. If the workforce does not have a position for me than I will just have to create one!
Listen, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so when the little one starts school full time, I know the opportunity of a lifetime will knock on my front door. See, I am a glass half full guy so I know that not only will I be able to look back on this time and thank my lucky stars I had it, I'll be looking back from my corner office window!
Gotta run, I have pulled pork in the crock pot that needs to come out, and the dog is standing at the back door!
SVP-Out!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
"Mommy and Me " classes
So, the topic was going to come up eventually so I had to figure out how to do a piece on these classes without aggravating the majority of those that read......women. So, what I have come up with is a guide to surviving the class, rather than a rant on ripping them to pieces.
If you "Google" Dad and me classes in the Albany area the first response is "Mommy and Me " classes in the Capital District. this should be a clear indication gentlemen that we are way outnumbered and are going to face an uphill battle when it comes to finding classes and groups that will cater to the sweatpants and sneaker wearing Dad's. Oh no fellas, we are going to have to up our game in so many ways just to survive.
My first word of advice is to make sure that your self esteem is HIGH! In order to walk into one of these classes you need to make sure that you act "as if". For those of you that saw Boiler Room you know what I am talking about. For those of you that did not, acting "as if" is acting in a fashion that exudes confidence. Act "as if" you have been to these classes before. Act "as if" you could care a less that there are 30 women in the room compared to the one male( you!) The likelihood of another guy being in the class is low....very low, and if there is another guy in the class already he is furious with the fact that you are impeding on his Mommy and Me class. It becomes territorial real fast in these classes, which leads to my next piece of advice, Try the class first.
Many of the classes that are offered allow you to come in and test the class out to make sure that it is right for you and your child......DO IT! By doing this you allow your child to get a look at the class and you can survey the situation to see exactly what you are getting yourself into. I believe that I can get a quick read on people in a short amount of time so by watching a class I can figure out who the players are. Before I have left the trial class I can tell if this is going to be a class I can deal with. A helpful hint here is to try and pick a class where you already know one person. My second Mom and Me class in St Louis had a good friend in it ( who was also from Jersey ! ) so it made it easier for me knowing that we were going to be able to chat for an hour while the girls were doing their thing.
When it comes to attire be mindful of the fact that you are 1 guy in a class of 20-25 Moms. Showing up in sweatpants and a t-shirt is simply unacceptable! I made this mistake in my very first class. I showed up to a Mommy and Me gym class in sweats and a T-shirt thinking I was going to be helping her through the class. Little did I know I would be interacting with the Mom that wore $200 pair of jeans and looked like she was ready to go to a club. Take some time and be thoughtful of the audience. If you are going to an active class wear jeans and a golf shirt......little to no effort but makes it look like you at least tried. If you are headed to a gymnastics class or something where you will just be spectating raise the game and put on a button down with jeans. It's not a pick up joint but you want to make sure that you look good. Looking good makes the confidence rise and therefore makes you look "as if" you have done this before. On the flip side you will also notice that the ladies have raised their game in response to you. The Mom who showed up for your first class in sweats and a gap T is now putting in some effort. It's human nature, when you hang out with Mom's all day you get comfortable so when a Dad shows up the rules change. Mom's you know what I mean, and you also know I am right!
My next piece of advice is to PAY ATTENTION!. We as a male species do a fantastic job of the initial handshake and when we walk away for some reason all is forgotten. Be a good listener, you are going to hear some of the funniest stuff ever! It is amazing to me that Mom's rip their husbands to shreds and have no qualms about doing it in front of another guy. Listen to what is going on and be able to add to the conversation. If you have nothing constructive to add, SHUT UP, this is not the time to wing it, they will eat you alive. If you have nothing on a topic, research the topic and be ready for the next class. Not only does it show you are smart but that you were actually paying attention! This will go far and might even make the Mom's put their guard down for a minute. They are already thrown off by having a guy in the room, now having a guy that listens might lead to sensory overload.
My last pice of advice on the topic is to make some friends. The reality of the situation is you are a part of a small population. If the Mom's are cool there is a good shot that their husbands are cool too! You have now made a friend, spouses can meet and the kids already know each other therefore increasing your small social circle. It is a win win for all involved. By getting involved at school and going to these classes I have met some fantastic people that we hang out with to this day.
Listen, these classes are not easy. The name simply makes you want to take your manhood off at the door place it in a box and leave it in a locker until its done. The reality is it can be a really cool experience. You learn a lot about yourself and a ton about the other side! Be open, brush up on the hot kid topics and be able to contribute. Don't under any circumstances be the guy pretending to be working on his iPad in the corner at the class. Me and the Mom's will make fun of you behind your back, and you are most likely playing online poker anyway! I hope these tips help, nobody warned me before I went to the "My Gym" in Missouri so I thought I might try and save you from making the same mistakes I made.
SVP- Out !
If you "Google" Dad and me classes in the Albany area the first response is "Mommy and Me " classes in the Capital District. this should be a clear indication gentlemen that we are way outnumbered and are going to face an uphill battle when it comes to finding classes and groups that will cater to the sweatpants and sneaker wearing Dad's. Oh no fellas, we are going to have to up our game in so many ways just to survive.
My first word of advice is to make sure that your self esteem is HIGH! In order to walk into one of these classes you need to make sure that you act "as if". For those of you that saw Boiler Room you know what I am talking about. For those of you that did not, acting "as if" is acting in a fashion that exudes confidence. Act "as if" you have been to these classes before. Act "as if" you could care a less that there are 30 women in the room compared to the one male( you!) The likelihood of another guy being in the class is low....very low, and if there is another guy in the class already he is furious with the fact that you are impeding on his Mommy and Me class. It becomes territorial real fast in these classes, which leads to my next piece of advice, Try the class first.
Many of the classes that are offered allow you to come in and test the class out to make sure that it is right for you and your child......DO IT! By doing this you allow your child to get a look at the class and you can survey the situation to see exactly what you are getting yourself into. I believe that I can get a quick read on people in a short amount of time so by watching a class I can figure out who the players are. Before I have left the trial class I can tell if this is going to be a class I can deal with. A helpful hint here is to try and pick a class where you already know one person. My second Mom and Me class in St Louis had a good friend in it ( who was also from Jersey ! ) so it made it easier for me knowing that we were going to be able to chat for an hour while the girls were doing their thing.
When it comes to attire be mindful of the fact that you are 1 guy in a class of 20-25 Moms. Showing up in sweatpants and a t-shirt is simply unacceptable! I made this mistake in my very first class. I showed up to a Mommy and Me gym class in sweats and a T-shirt thinking I was going to be helping her through the class. Little did I know I would be interacting with the Mom that wore $200 pair of jeans and looked like she was ready to go to a club. Take some time and be thoughtful of the audience. If you are going to an active class wear jeans and a golf shirt......little to no effort but makes it look like you at least tried. If you are headed to a gymnastics class or something where you will just be spectating raise the game and put on a button down with jeans. It's not a pick up joint but you want to make sure that you look good. Looking good makes the confidence rise and therefore makes you look "as if" you have done this before. On the flip side you will also notice that the ladies have raised their game in response to you. The Mom who showed up for your first class in sweats and a gap T is now putting in some effort. It's human nature, when you hang out with Mom's all day you get comfortable so when a Dad shows up the rules change. Mom's you know what I mean, and you also know I am right!
My next piece of advice is to PAY ATTENTION!. We as a male species do a fantastic job of the initial handshake and when we walk away for some reason all is forgotten. Be a good listener, you are going to hear some of the funniest stuff ever! It is amazing to me that Mom's rip their husbands to shreds and have no qualms about doing it in front of another guy. Listen to what is going on and be able to add to the conversation. If you have nothing constructive to add, SHUT UP, this is not the time to wing it, they will eat you alive. If you have nothing on a topic, research the topic and be ready for the next class. Not only does it show you are smart but that you were actually paying attention! This will go far and might even make the Mom's put their guard down for a minute. They are already thrown off by having a guy in the room, now having a guy that listens might lead to sensory overload.
My last pice of advice on the topic is to make some friends. The reality of the situation is you are a part of a small population. If the Mom's are cool there is a good shot that their husbands are cool too! You have now made a friend, spouses can meet and the kids already know each other therefore increasing your small social circle. It is a win win for all involved. By getting involved at school and going to these classes I have met some fantastic people that we hang out with to this day.
Listen, these classes are not easy. The name simply makes you want to take your manhood off at the door place it in a box and leave it in a locker until its done. The reality is it can be a really cool experience. You learn a lot about yourself and a ton about the other side! Be open, brush up on the hot kid topics and be able to contribute. Don't under any circumstances be the guy pretending to be working on his iPad in the corner at the class. Me and the Mom's will make fun of you behind your back, and you are most likely playing online poker anyway! I hope these tips help, nobody warned me before I went to the "My Gym" in Missouri so I thought I might try and save you from making the same mistakes I made.
SVP- Out !
Monday, January 23, 2012
Laundry
Not knowing that eventually I would become the SVP of Household Ops, I never really paid any attention to the laundry. It was one of those things that eventually had to be done and if we went a week without doing it there never seemed to be a problem. I threw my clothes on the floor in the closet and magically a few days later they were folded and on the bed waiting to be put away. This I could handle. I usually folded a load or two here and there and was kept far away from anything of any importance. Moving to Missouri changed that and changed it fast.
I quickly needed to become the master of the two big machines in the room I never went in. I learned quickly. What I do not understand is why with the technology we have today, we have yet to create a machine that washes and then dries the clothes without switching machines. We can video chat on a phone but we still need to move clothing from one machine to another to complete the cycle.
My mastering of the machines has not come without casualties however. In the beginning I was of the mindset that if it was in the hamper, it was meant to go from washer to dryer and then get folded. Apparently that is not the case. Not only do I need to know which sweaters are "good' sweaters, I need to remember to take them out between switching and air dry them. Who would have thought that a cashmere sweater was not to be dried.......not me! Don't worry though it fit our youngest for a few weeks before we had to eventually get rid of it! What 4 year old doesn't love cashmere? I continue to explain to wifey that if you don't want it washed and dried you need to take it out or send it to the dry cleaner. And jeans .....I always dry my jeans ...they come out wrinkle free and require no ironing. Apparently "Lucky" jeans need to separated and air dried so they do shrink. My advice to wifey was to shrink her rear and we would have no problem. That did not go over well, and if you are married less than 10 years do not attempt that line without a helmet! Needless to say those jeans no longer get dried and I am much more careful on my word selection.
The other thing I do not understand is how two kids that are so small can produce so much laundry. I am confident that there is a sweat shop somewhere in my basement where they are producing clothes faster than I can wash them. I had to have a conversation with my youngest the other day because she was not understanding how her clothes went from the laundry, got folded and then magically ended up back in her closet and drawers. She now understands that there is no such thing as the laundry wizard. And it always seems no matter how many times I do the laundry, when I walk back upstairs to their rooms, there is always more. Where does it come from?
The good thing about me taking over this task is that I can fold it the way I want it folded and empty my pockets of change and junk before they get thrown in the machine. You know how many times I had to be told how much money was found in the laundry? " Consider it a tip" I would say....again, not a solid choice on my part. Wifey is also of the mind set that if you put it in the wash inside out than it will be folded that way. Uh, no, that does not even make sense. Finally I can have all my shirts right side out and folded like the shirts are folded at the Gap!
Laundry is a necessary evil that needs to get done. What once was a weekly event is now a daily event. Gents, cover your tracks.....if it looks like a nice sweater, pull it out, and if the jeans cost more than $100 , air dry them!
next topic - " Mommy and Me" classes.
SVP - Out!
I quickly needed to become the master of the two big machines in the room I never went in. I learned quickly. What I do not understand is why with the technology we have today, we have yet to create a machine that washes and then dries the clothes without switching machines. We can video chat on a phone but we still need to move clothing from one machine to another to complete the cycle.
My mastering of the machines has not come without casualties however. In the beginning I was of the mindset that if it was in the hamper, it was meant to go from washer to dryer and then get folded. Apparently that is not the case. Not only do I need to know which sweaters are "good' sweaters, I need to remember to take them out between switching and air dry them. Who would have thought that a cashmere sweater was not to be dried.......not me! Don't worry though it fit our youngest for a few weeks before we had to eventually get rid of it! What 4 year old doesn't love cashmere? I continue to explain to wifey that if you don't want it washed and dried you need to take it out or send it to the dry cleaner. And jeans .....I always dry my jeans ...they come out wrinkle free and require no ironing. Apparently "Lucky" jeans need to separated and air dried so they do shrink. My advice to wifey was to shrink her rear and we would have no problem. That did not go over well, and if you are married less than 10 years do not attempt that line without a helmet! Needless to say those jeans no longer get dried and I am much more careful on my word selection.
The other thing I do not understand is how two kids that are so small can produce so much laundry. I am confident that there is a sweat shop somewhere in my basement where they are producing clothes faster than I can wash them. I had to have a conversation with my youngest the other day because she was not understanding how her clothes went from the laundry, got folded and then magically ended up back in her closet and drawers. She now understands that there is no such thing as the laundry wizard. And it always seems no matter how many times I do the laundry, when I walk back upstairs to their rooms, there is always more. Where does it come from?
The good thing about me taking over this task is that I can fold it the way I want it folded and empty my pockets of change and junk before they get thrown in the machine. You know how many times I had to be told how much money was found in the laundry? " Consider it a tip" I would say....again, not a solid choice on my part. Wifey is also of the mind set that if you put it in the wash inside out than it will be folded that way. Uh, no, that does not even make sense. Finally I can have all my shirts right side out and folded like the shirts are folded at the Gap!
Laundry is a necessary evil that needs to get done. What once was a weekly event is now a daily event. Gents, cover your tracks.....if it looks like a nice sweater, pull it out, and if the jeans cost more than $100 , air dry them!
next topic - " Mommy and Me" classes.
SVP - Out!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
"Google"
When I first started playing football my coach handed me a playbook on the first day and told me to memorize it. When I started working, they handed me a manual that directed me on what I needed to do and how it needed to be done. When we moved to St Louis, my wife handed me two little girls and told me to have a good day! Point is, there is no handbook on how to be a SAHD and sometimes you need to make the rules up as you go. There is one thing you need to remember Dad's........GOOGLE!
Picture yourself in a new city with no friends and two small children the require you to keep them entertained for a better part of a day. Now throw in the fact that wifey travels every other week for 2 to 3 days at a clip. You need to be on your A game and you have to know where every major attraction is, where the kid friendly establishments are and most importantly, how to find them.
When we first got to Missouri it was 110 degrees, so parks, playgrounds and things of that nature were going to be completely out of the question. We needed alternatives and quick! I Googled like it was my job to find things for us to do....." Where are the best museums in St Louis?' , " What do you do with little girls when its 110 degrees outside?' , Closest ice cream place to my house" I used Google ALL THE TIME.
As we got more comfortable with surroundings, I realized the Google was not only to be see for things to do, but how to do things as well. My oldest came home one day and said, " Tomorrow is low ponytail day" ........ uh , what???? It took me 6 months to figure out how to do a normal ponytail without ripping out any of her hair and getting my fingers stuck. Now she is asking me to do a specific version???? O, lord. So where did I go, Google. I Googled " How to do a low ponytail" And like magic, there was a picture of Gwenyth Paltrow at some awards show with a low ponytail. Wouldn't you know it really is just a ponytail tied lower than the norm.......WOW! But there was my buddy Google to help me out! Crisis averted. I came clean at the bus stop when the Mom's asked me how I did it....they found it quite entertaining.
I have come to realize that Google has value when it comes to my second graders homework. Apparently they have decided to change the wording for math and when she comes home I often find myself visiting my buddy to find out the proper method to solving some of her math problems. Book reports, art projects , you name it, it's like having the public library at your fingertips.
And last but not least, I hit Google to this day for recipes. There are only so many ways you can cook chicken or fish. I hit Google just yesterday on "Easy ways to bake filet mignon", and guess what ?? Jackpot! I seared for 10 minutes and baked for 25 minutes. you would have thought I had been doing this for years.
I even went as far as Googling " Which beer has the highest alcoholic contest and the lowest calories and carbs" Hey, you chase two little girls around for 12 hrs and see what you Google!
Listen, when you take on the challenge of being a SAHD nobody is going to pull you aside and tell you how things need to be done. You are going to need how to cook certain dishes, find an air conditioned museum, and in some cases know how to do a low ponytail. Fear not gents, there is a tool out there designed specifically for us tat allows us to type exactly what we want and get thousands of ways to do it........it's Google. Live it, learn it, and learn to navigate it. Google is your friend.
Picture yourself in a new city with no friends and two small children the require you to keep them entertained for a better part of a day. Now throw in the fact that wifey travels every other week for 2 to 3 days at a clip. You need to be on your A game and you have to know where every major attraction is, where the kid friendly establishments are and most importantly, how to find them.
When we first got to Missouri it was 110 degrees, so parks, playgrounds and things of that nature were going to be completely out of the question. We needed alternatives and quick! I Googled like it was my job to find things for us to do....." Where are the best museums in St Louis?' , " What do you do with little girls when its 110 degrees outside?' , Closest ice cream place to my house" I used Google ALL THE TIME.
As we got more comfortable with surroundings, I realized the Google was not only to be see for things to do, but how to do things as well. My oldest came home one day and said, " Tomorrow is low ponytail day" ........ uh , what???? It took me 6 months to figure out how to do a normal ponytail without ripping out any of her hair and getting my fingers stuck. Now she is asking me to do a specific version???? O, lord. So where did I go, Google. I Googled " How to do a low ponytail" And like magic, there was a picture of Gwenyth Paltrow at some awards show with a low ponytail. Wouldn't you know it really is just a ponytail tied lower than the norm.......WOW! But there was my buddy Google to help me out! Crisis averted. I came clean at the bus stop when the Mom's asked me how I did it....they found it quite entertaining.
I have come to realize that Google has value when it comes to my second graders homework. Apparently they have decided to change the wording for math and when she comes home I often find myself visiting my buddy to find out the proper method to solving some of her math problems. Book reports, art projects , you name it, it's like having the public library at your fingertips.
And last but not least, I hit Google to this day for recipes. There are only so many ways you can cook chicken or fish. I hit Google just yesterday on "Easy ways to bake filet mignon", and guess what ?? Jackpot! I seared for 10 minutes and baked for 25 minutes. you would have thought I had been doing this for years.
I even went as far as Googling " Which beer has the highest alcoholic contest and the lowest calories and carbs" Hey, you chase two little girls around for 12 hrs and see what you Google!
Listen, when you take on the challenge of being a SAHD nobody is going to pull you aside and tell you how things need to be done. You are going to need how to cook certain dishes, find an air conditioned museum, and in some cases know how to do a low ponytail. Fear not gents, there is a tool out there designed specifically for us tat allows us to type exactly what we want and get thousands of ways to do it........it's Google. Live it, learn it, and learn to navigate it. Google is your friend.
Monday, January 16, 2012
The ten pound dog.
So, lets review....I am a stay at home dad with two little girls. My days are filled with fashion shows, Justin Bieber and princesses. I have attended tea parties with some of the coolest imaginary people you will ever meet, and I can do a ponytail better than 99% of the male population.
While living in St. Louis, we decided that we were going to start the search for a dog, yes, a dog! As if nap time, diapers and trips to the park and the mall were not enough, we were going to throw more chaos in the mix with a puppy that would need more attention than most children. The search was under way and I was stoked because here was my opportunity to take a stand and get the manly man dog that I could walk through the neighborhood and hold my head up high. This was my chance to get a Husky, a Retriever of even a German Shepard of some kind, call him Tank and all would be good.
Well, all good plans have wrinkles and this one was no different. We started our search and all was good until my wife( the one who would be doing little to nothing with the dog) found a rescue center that had a ten pound Maltese named Mia. I was cooked! I took my youngest out to see her one day at the rescue center, which was a woman's house in the middle of nowhere. I was confident we were not going to be taking a puppy home that day and even more confident it would not be Mia. We pull up to the house and out comes the owner of the shelter with Mia. She was frail, had a cherry spot on her eye and looked like she had just gone 12 rounds with a pit bull named Tyson. She was not going to be our dog for sure. We sat with her for a few minutes and let her run around the yard while I spoke with the young lady about Mia and her story. Mia was at a puppy mill in Missouri before being shipped off the NYC. The folks in NYC declined to keep her because of the cherry spot on her eye so she got shipped back. So here we have a 6 month old puppy who has already been shipped twice and now at a shelter........still not our dog. The little one and I packed up and left the shelter and called wifey to tell her the story. She was shocked that we left her there. Well, halfway home I could not get the smell of the shelter out of my head and two years later I am happy to let you know Mia is doing GREAT ....cherry spot gone, healthy as an ox( that weighs ten pounds) and sleeping comfortably with her sister every night.
That being said, the ten pound dog adds an interesting element to the already challenging position of SAHD. Our neighborhood is still in construction mode and there are a ton of construction workers all over the place making it that much more fun to walk the ten pound Maltese. As if I don't have self esteem issues walking into a "Mommy and Me" class , now I am walking the ten pound dog past a bunch of guys with power tools. No matter how hard you try, you can't look really manly when you are walking a dog that is basically the size of your boot. To make matters worse, wifey and the girls thought it would be a great idea to get the dog a sweater..........and guess what color that sweater is? You guessed it, PINK! Needless to say, that sweater only gets worn on the 9:30pm walk when its dark and I know there is zero chance anybody will be outside. I actually walked her one day with a jacket on and the next time I saw my neighbor he questioned my sexuality.( not that there is anything wrong with that) That jacket is gone!
Dogs are an awesome addition to the family and when you have little girls, little dogs make sense. So if you see me walking down the street, just know that my girls come first!
We are off to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.......yes, that's a topic for another day.
While living in St. Louis, we decided that we were going to start the search for a dog, yes, a dog! As if nap time, diapers and trips to the park and the mall were not enough, we were going to throw more chaos in the mix with a puppy that would need more attention than most children. The search was under way and I was stoked because here was my opportunity to take a stand and get the manly man dog that I could walk through the neighborhood and hold my head up high. This was my chance to get a Husky, a Retriever of even a German Shepard of some kind, call him Tank and all would be good.
Well, all good plans have wrinkles and this one was no different. We started our search and all was good until my wife( the one who would be doing little to nothing with the dog) found a rescue center that had a ten pound Maltese named Mia. I was cooked! I took my youngest out to see her one day at the rescue center, which was a woman's house in the middle of nowhere. I was confident we were not going to be taking a puppy home that day and even more confident it would not be Mia. We pull up to the house and out comes the owner of the shelter with Mia. She was frail, had a cherry spot on her eye and looked like she had just gone 12 rounds with a pit bull named Tyson. She was not going to be our dog for sure. We sat with her for a few minutes and let her run around the yard while I spoke with the young lady about Mia and her story. Mia was at a puppy mill in Missouri before being shipped off the NYC. The folks in NYC declined to keep her because of the cherry spot on her eye so she got shipped back. So here we have a 6 month old puppy who has already been shipped twice and now at a shelter........still not our dog. The little one and I packed up and left the shelter and called wifey to tell her the story. She was shocked that we left her there. Well, halfway home I could not get the smell of the shelter out of my head and two years later I am happy to let you know Mia is doing GREAT ....cherry spot gone, healthy as an ox( that weighs ten pounds) and sleeping comfortably with her sister every night.
That being said, the ten pound dog adds an interesting element to the already challenging position of SAHD. Our neighborhood is still in construction mode and there are a ton of construction workers all over the place making it that much more fun to walk the ten pound Maltese. As if I don't have self esteem issues walking into a "Mommy and Me" class , now I am walking the ten pound dog past a bunch of guys with power tools. No matter how hard you try, you can't look really manly when you are walking a dog that is basically the size of your boot. To make matters worse, wifey and the girls thought it would be a great idea to get the dog a sweater..........and guess what color that sweater is? You guessed it, PINK! Needless to say, that sweater only gets worn on the 9:30pm walk when its dark and I know there is zero chance anybody will be outside. I actually walked her one day with a jacket on and the next time I saw my neighbor he questioned my sexuality.( not that there is anything wrong with that) That jacket is gone!
Dogs are an awesome addition to the family and when you have little girls, little dogs make sense. So if you see me walking down the street, just know that my girls come first!
We are off to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.......yes, that's a topic for another day.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Job Security
Ok, the reality of today is that when you want a quick fix or the next best thing you go to the internet and someone guarantees you the keys to success for a fee. I am here to tell you that i am about to give away the golden nuggets for exactly $0. Yes, gentleman, zippy, nada, nothing.
Guys, there is one thing that you need to understand. When you get promoted to SVP of Household Ops you need to do WHATEVER it takes to keep your position and aim for future growth in the company. There are several things you need to do to assure that you not only hold your position but make yourself indispensable in the company. See, the average recruiter will tell you that these days you need to separate yourself from the pack and make sure that you stand out. I, on the other hand will tell you that yo need to take yourself to RockStar status in your household and make sure that you are the glue that holds it all together. Listen, the reality is you are 15 pounds and a receding hairline away from being replaced. If you look like a frat boy with 15 extra pounds and are only interested in fantasy football and poker night , your wife is not taking yoga to learn downward dog for nothing.
Listen, I am not saying that these next few tid bits are full proof but I can tell you that they will get you closer to CEO of Household OPS.
Ok, here we go, swipe your credit card and we can continue : kidding, sometimes I can be a bit of an ass.
1. Stay in shape, she deserves it. That quote actually won me a radio contest in St Louis that got me a $100 gift card that I never used. I have the card in my wallet as a keepsake to remind me why I am the best at what I do. the question was " What tips do you have for a stay at home dad". My tip was one of thousands that made the air and won me $100. Trust me I am a lot smarter than I look. : ) Listen I work out seven days a week and if they added an eight day I would do some light cardio just to feel good about myself. I think that if your wife is willing to go out and make the bacon the least we could do is make sure that she comes home to something that looks more like a calendar than a before picture.......know what I mean? There is a sense of responsibility to make sure that you are keeping up to your end of the bargain. Do some push ups, pull ups and cardio and you should be fine. if you are like me, subscribe to the beach body plan and get all the new Tony Horton DVD's. You'll get jacked in 90 days and thank me later.
2. Learn how to cook. I am not asking you to go see Gordon Ramsey and learn how to make some ridiculous meals that require a great deal of attention, but I am asking you to be able to have a hot meal on the table when she walk through the door. More than likely is she ate like junk all day and is looking to you to provide the one meal of the day that will have some nutritional value......don't mess it up! Do not under ANY circumstances mistake nuggets and fries for a meal that will make her happy. Put some effort into it and make sure that when she walks through the door she says" wow, what smells so good" JACKPOT FELLAS ...... you might actually get some tonight, kidding we all know that we are married and that is reserved for weekends, birthdays and the occasional wednesday night rollover. hehe. Seriously, read a cookbook or two and be able to make a solid fish , chicken and lasagna dish. She is the mother of your children and works her as off, the least you could do is make sure she gets a good meal when she gets home.
3. Fire your housekeeper. Listen, if your wife is at work and your kids are at school or napping for 3-4 hours per day there is no reason in the world you can't clean the house. I myself am a neat freak so when the kids make a mess the mess is going before they leave the room. That being said, if you fire the housekeeper, there is a NEED for someone to clean. you as the SVP fill that need for a very nominal fee. Take your time and makes use that your kids could eat their fruit loops off the floor and all of the sudden you have elevated your stock from caretaker/buff nugget to .....caretaker//buff nugget and housekeeper. Holy shit fellas that to me is a trifecta. the likelihood of finding a guy that can cook, clean and is in shape is like the Jets winning the super bowl with Mark Sanchez at the helm.......1 in a million! Stock rising. Do you see what is happening here?
4. Rock Star Status. I am a stay at home dad with two little girls but there is one thing that i am certain of. I am an absolute Rock Star in their eyes. There is nothing in the world i would not do for them to make them smile and they know that come hell or high water Dad's got their back! Listen to your kids and make sure you never dismiss any of their concerns as silly or unimportant. If they are important enough for them to bring them up,they are important enough for you to listen to. Make every day a Friday and no matter what is going on in this crazy world, shield them from it and make sure that the most disastrous thing in their world is the argument they had on the bus about which Barbie was the hottest. Get involved, volunteer at school, download their favorite music and memorize all of the lyrics. you got one shot deal.......make it count!
Its not full proof....and far from a Bible, but those are some pretty solid stepping stones to make sure you get off to a good start. Best of all.........FREE. WHY? Because I am that type of guy. I believe in paying it forward. Nobody sat me down and gave me the rules, I learned them on my own. Had someone told me these tips I'd be two years ahead of where I am now. Enjoy, and remember........Michael Jordan once said " I missed `100 % of the shots I didn't take" Break some eggs, pull a muscle on the treadmill and have some fun in the process. You get one chance to be a parent........SWING FOR THE FENCES.
SVP- OUT
Guys, there is one thing that you need to understand. When you get promoted to SVP of Household Ops you need to do WHATEVER it takes to keep your position and aim for future growth in the company. There are several things you need to do to assure that you not only hold your position but make yourself indispensable in the company. See, the average recruiter will tell you that these days you need to separate yourself from the pack and make sure that you stand out. I, on the other hand will tell you that yo need to take yourself to RockStar status in your household and make sure that you are the glue that holds it all together. Listen, the reality is you are 15 pounds and a receding hairline away from being replaced. If you look like a frat boy with 15 extra pounds and are only interested in fantasy football and poker night , your wife is not taking yoga to learn downward dog for nothing.
Listen, I am not saying that these next few tid bits are full proof but I can tell you that they will get you closer to CEO of Household OPS.
Ok, here we go, swipe your credit card and we can continue : kidding, sometimes I can be a bit of an ass.
1. Stay in shape, she deserves it. That quote actually won me a radio contest in St Louis that got me a $100 gift card that I never used. I have the card in my wallet as a keepsake to remind me why I am the best at what I do. the question was " What tips do you have for a stay at home dad". My tip was one of thousands that made the air and won me $100. Trust me I am a lot smarter than I look. : ) Listen I work out seven days a week and if they added an eight day I would do some light cardio just to feel good about myself. I think that if your wife is willing to go out and make the bacon the least we could do is make sure that she comes home to something that looks more like a calendar than a before picture.......know what I mean? There is a sense of responsibility to make sure that you are keeping up to your end of the bargain. Do some push ups, pull ups and cardio and you should be fine. if you are like me, subscribe to the beach body plan and get all the new Tony Horton DVD's. You'll get jacked in 90 days and thank me later.
2. Learn how to cook. I am not asking you to go see Gordon Ramsey and learn how to make some ridiculous meals that require a great deal of attention, but I am asking you to be able to have a hot meal on the table when she walk through the door. More than likely is she ate like junk all day and is looking to you to provide the one meal of the day that will have some nutritional value......don't mess it up! Do not under ANY circumstances mistake nuggets and fries for a meal that will make her happy. Put some effort into it and make sure that when she walks through the door she says" wow, what smells so good" JACKPOT FELLAS ...... you might actually get some tonight, kidding we all know that we are married and that is reserved for weekends, birthdays and the occasional wednesday night rollover. hehe. Seriously, read a cookbook or two and be able to make a solid fish , chicken and lasagna dish. She is the mother of your children and works her as off, the least you could do is make sure she gets a good meal when she gets home.
3. Fire your housekeeper. Listen, if your wife is at work and your kids are at school or napping for 3-4 hours per day there is no reason in the world you can't clean the house. I myself am a neat freak so when the kids make a mess the mess is going before they leave the room. That being said, if you fire the housekeeper, there is a NEED for someone to clean. you as the SVP fill that need for a very nominal fee. Take your time and makes use that your kids could eat their fruit loops off the floor and all of the sudden you have elevated your stock from caretaker/buff nugget to .....caretaker//buff nugget and housekeeper. Holy shit fellas that to me is a trifecta. the likelihood of finding a guy that can cook, clean and is in shape is like the Jets winning the super bowl with Mark Sanchez at the helm.......1 in a million! Stock rising. Do you see what is happening here?
4. Rock Star Status. I am a stay at home dad with two little girls but there is one thing that i am certain of. I am an absolute Rock Star in their eyes. There is nothing in the world i would not do for them to make them smile and they know that come hell or high water Dad's got their back! Listen to your kids and make sure you never dismiss any of their concerns as silly or unimportant. If they are important enough for them to bring them up,they are important enough for you to listen to. Make every day a Friday and no matter what is going on in this crazy world, shield them from it and make sure that the most disastrous thing in their world is the argument they had on the bus about which Barbie was the hottest. Get involved, volunteer at school, download their favorite music and memorize all of the lyrics. you got one shot deal.......make it count!
Its not full proof....and far from a Bible, but those are some pretty solid stepping stones to make sure you get off to a good start. Best of all.........FREE. WHY? Because I am that type of guy. I believe in paying it forward. Nobody sat me down and gave me the rules, I learned them on my own. Had someone told me these tips I'd be two years ahead of where I am now. Enjoy, and remember........Michael Jordan once said " I missed `100 % of the shots I didn't take" Break some eggs, pull a muscle on the treadmill and have some fun in the process. You get one chance to be a parent........SWING FOR THE FENCES.
SVP- OUT
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
" Hey Dad, ya got a minute? "
In order to get a feeling for the conversation I was so fearing, I need to set the stage for you. My father is an amazing person . He worked his way out of a small town and made a life for himself in the clothing industry that most would envy. He works his tail off and has the toys to show it ...but make no mistake ...the toys were earned. He is a loving husband, a phenomenal role model and most of all is looked up to by all of the grandkids. When Pop Pop hits a room you know it because the kids scatter and all try and make place on his knee. Now rewind a few decades and we have a stern, yet fair guy who never spanked....he never had to . He had that presence that when he entered the room it was all business. He raised his voice occasionally, and that was all we needed to make us get back on track. He has some of the most famous quotes in the family....our favorite is " Ya know sometimes I think you have your head up your ass". I've tried it a few times and clearly nobody can deliver it the way he does. He once told me if I didn't take my earring out ( Yes I had an earring...it was the early 90's ..all guys did) he would remove it himself by pulling it out.....Game set match....I left that fake diamond on the counter before I went back to school !! He told me once I got a job " If you are making money, all your shirts go to the dry cleaner" ....for those of you that know me.....thats where it comes from...if you wrinkle my shirt or mess up my cuffs there is a 90% chance we are going to fight . Needless to say he has been a huge influence on m life. He instilled a work value, he introduced me to fitness and he has always provided an open door policy! That being said...this was not going to be an easy call for me.
So, the promotion is announced, the process of moving to St Louis is under way and there is one phone call that I am dreading........my dad. As you know, if you were ever to ask me who my role model would answer with no hesitation....my dad. He took me in when I was around 10 yrs old when my parents were going through an awful divorce. From that day forward I watched my Dad make my lunch, get me to school and head off to work. My father is an Exec at a large clothing company, and has been working his tail off for the last I can't even count the years. He came from a small community and left to join the Marines to get out, and even named his boat Semper Phi. He has worked since work was an option and the call I had to prepare myself for was one to tell my father, my role model that I was going to be the caregiver and my wife was going to be the breadwinner.
It's not that I feared what his reaction would be because come hell or high water he was going to tell me that he was excited and would offer his blessing. I guess it was a sense of me thinking I was letting him down. Here is a guy that works from bell to bell to provide and live the good life, and here is his son who is a Househusband. The concept still bothers me to this day and quite frankly the majority of the reason I want to get back to work is to restore this feeling of value to my father. I know that he is proud of me and I know that he is ecstatic to see where my family is and the things we have accomplished, but for some reason I just can't shake the feeling that I need to produce more.
So the call is made and guess what ? I went as planned. My father could not have been happier for us and I was excited that he was excited. To this day, and its been three years , he only asks if I am ok, not when are you going back to work or anything that would make me feel out of place. He has responded in the way a mentor, friend and father is supposed to respond. He has been supportive and proud of what we have been able to accomplish and where we are in our lives. I only hope he is as proud of me as I am of him.
Love you Dad !
So, the promotion is announced, the process of moving to St Louis is under way and there is one phone call that I am dreading........my dad. As you know, if you were ever to ask me who my role model would answer with no hesitation....my dad. He took me in when I was around 10 yrs old when my parents were going through an awful divorce. From that day forward I watched my Dad make my lunch, get me to school and head off to work. My father is an Exec at a large clothing company, and has been working his tail off for the last I can't even count the years. He came from a small community and left to join the Marines to get out, and even named his boat Semper Phi. He has worked since work was an option and the call I had to prepare myself for was one to tell my father, my role model that I was going to be the caregiver and my wife was going to be the breadwinner.
It's not that I feared what his reaction would be because come hell or high water he was going to tell me that he was excited and would offer his blessing. I guess it was a sense of me thinking I was letting him down. Here is a guy that works from bell to bell to provide and live the good life, and here is his son who is a Househusband. The concept still bothers me to this day and quite frankly the majority of the reason I want to get back to work is to restore this feeling of value to my father. I know that he is proud of me and I know that he is ecstatic to see where my family is and the things we have accomplished, but for some reason I just can't shake the feeling that I need to produce more.
So the call is made and guess what ? I went as planned. My father could not have been happier for us and I was excited that he was excited. To this day, and its been three years , he only asks if I am ok, not when are you going back to work or anything that would make me feel out of place. He has responded in the way a mentor, friend and father is supposed to respond. He has been supportive and proud of what we have been able to accomplish and where we are in our lives. I only hope he is as proud of me as I am of him.
Love you Dad !
The question , and my title !
With my wife's career , I have had the opportunity to live in two states in my new role. That being said, I have also had to introduce myself to two new groups of friends. This brings about an interesting dynamic for the stay at home dad as well as those that are meeting me for the first time.
It only takes a few meetings before the other guys in the neighborhood see me at the bus stop in my sweats and a hat and eventually the question comes out. " So Pete, what do you do? " My first crack at the question was an ultimate fail, I stammered and could not come up with the response that would leave me looking confident. It was almost like I was trying not to admit the reality. For those of you that know me, you know I do not lack confidence and sometimes err on the side of cocky...:) It took a few times, and some practice, but the response not flows off the tongue like magic...." I am the Senior VP of Household Operations!!" This usually gets a chuckle or two and gives me the opportunity to look like the master of my domain. No, I am not Mr Mom, I am not Daddy Day Care, I am an SVP and you need to respect the role.
I usually get one of two responses and usually it just depends on the confidence of the individual asking as to which way it goes. If I am face to face with the typical guys guy( or so he thinks) I get the " Oh, man you get to watch ESPN all day, take naps and check out all the Moms at the PTA meetings" ....uh, no! Or I get the rare response of " Man that's pretty cool, wish I could do that !"
To the majority, this job is not nearly what you think. It's demanding, it is thankless and most of all has no start time and stop time. Like most of you, you get to go to an office or pretend to be on "calls" for the majority of the day and when the day is over you get to go home, claim to be tired and hit the couch. Me, I start at 6:30 in the morning and go until about 10 at night. When the kids need something its always "Daddy", when they throw up, its "Daddy ", when they wanna watch a movie, well you get the point. I am not complaining, it's awesome to be needed and wanted, but the next time you are about to tell me I sleep all day and watch ESPN, please don't!!! I gave my friends a word of advice which none of them followed. I told them that when they get home from their 3 day "business trips" to give their wives a hug and say thanks. I told them they have no idea what they are going through on a daily basis. They all laughed when I said it and said " Dude, your nuts, I bring home the bacon, they got it easy". It's that type of mentality that leads to the 70% divorce rate in this country!! The next time you have a business trip that lasts longer than 2 days, come home with flowers or a thank you card. Just something that says your not a college frat guy that just ate like a king, drank like a fish and "worked " in Vegas for the last few days !! Trust me it will go a long way and may even put you in good favor if you know what I mean ; ) !!
So the next time you meet a guy and he tells you he's a stay at home dad, don't judge, and don't hate. I drink beer, watch football and workout seven days a week. The difference is I do laundry clean the house and take care of two girls and a ten pound dog. I am the SVP of Household Ops and I'm proud of it. The new Sportscenter is on so I gotta go.
Make it a great one !
It only takes a few meetings before the other guys in the neighborhood see me at the bus stop in my sweats and a hat and eventually the question comes out. " So Pete, what do you do? " My first crack at the question was an ultimate fail, I stammered and could not come up with the response that would leave me looking confident. It was almost like I was trying not to admit the reality. For those of you that know me, you know I do not lack confidence and sometimes err on the side of cocky...:) It took a few times, and some practice, but the response not flows off the tongue like magic...." I am the Senior VP of Household Operations!!" This usually gets a chuckle or two and gives me the opportunity to look like the master of my domain. No, I am not Mr Mom, I am not Daddy Day Care, I am an SVP and you need to respect the role.
I usually get one of two responses and usually it just depends on the confidence of the individual asking as to which way it goes. If I am face to face with the typical guys guy( or so he thinks) I get the " Oh, man you get to watch ESPN all day, take naps and check out all the Moms at the PTA meetings" ....uh, no! Or I get the rare response of " Man that's pretty cool, wish I could do that !"
To the majority, this job is not nearly what you think. It's demanding, it is thankless and most of all has no start time and stop time. Like most of you, you get to go to an office or pretend to be on "calls" for the majority of the day and when the day is over you get to go home, claim to be tired and hit the couch. Me, I start at 6:30 in the morning and go until about 10 at night. When the kids need something its always "Daddy", when they throw up, its "Daddy ", when they wanna watch a movie, well you get the point. I am not complaining, it's awesome to be needed and wanted, but the next time you are about to tell me I sleep all day and watch ESPN, please don't!!! I gave my friends a word of advice which none of them followed. I told them that when they get home from their 3 day "business trips" to give their wives a hug and say thanks. I told them they have no idea what they are going through on a daily basis. They all laughed when I said it and said " Dude, your nuts, I bring home the bacon, they got it easy". It's that type of mentality that leads to the 70% divorce rate in this country!! The next time you have a business trip that lasts longer than 2 days, come home with flowers or a thank you card. Just something that says your not a college frat guy that just ate like a king, drank like a fish and "worked " in Vegas for the last few days !! Trust me it will go a long way and may even put you in good favor if you know what I mean ; ) !!
So the next time you meet a guy and he tells you he's a stay at home dad, don't judge, and don't hate. I drink beer, watch football and workout seven days a week. The difference is I do laundry clean the house and take care of two girls and a ten pound dog. I am the SVP of Household Ops and I'm proud of it. The new Sportscenter is on so I gotta go.
Make it a great one !
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