Ok, so by now you know that I am a SAHD of two little girls. I coordinate matching outfits for school, and am a proud member of the Adventure Princesses of Southern Saratoga County. This is a far cry from the person I used to be. People often say that having children changes your perspective on life. As a SAHD of two little girls, I could not agree more.
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
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