As a stay at home parent, I think it is IMPERATIVE that you have a hobby or something that you can do on your own. There needs to be one thing that you can do on your own that will allow you the opportunity to blow off some steam, interact with adults, and get away from the kiddies for an hour or so.
My "free time" comes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings after I drop off the little one at preschool. From about 9am until 11am I know that I will be able to throw on my iPod, listen to some expletive laden rap music from the 80's and 90's and do some serious people watching at my gym.
For those of you that have been reading, you know that my #1 tip for Job Security is staying in shape! I stand by the original statement that if your wife is willing to put in the 60 hr work week, the least you could do is stay in shape so that when she comes home she is not staring at the college frat guy on the couch with a beer in one hand and his manhood in the other. Listen, the days as a SAHD can be brutal. There will be days when the kids don't listen to a thing you say, someone calls you "Mr. Mom ( hate it! ) and you feel like the clock has stopped and the thought of wifey coming through the door is a mirage. The gym gives you the opportunity to put all of that stress to good use. Where else can you go and burn calories being angry? Come up with a solid program that will help you reach your goals and simply get after it. I view the gym as part of my responsibility as a SAHD. And listen fellas, you are 15 pounds away from potentially being traded in! And lets be honest, if you do happen to get traded in, you want to be front line ready!
The other part of the gym that fascinates me is the people watching. I belong to one of the major chain gyms here, and the people watching is fantastic! I have even come up with nicknames for the folks that frequent during my 2 hours of stress release :
The Grunter : We all have one at our gym and love them to death. While in the middle of an exercise you will hear this god awful noise coming from the "grunter" who typically has the equivalent of a car on a barbell and is curling it like its his job. The "grunter" always makes me smile, and no never directly at them. Smiling or laughing at the "grunter" could end up with you in a dumpster behind the gym.
The Cruiser : The cruiser is a slick one. He/she looks as if they are working out and putting in the time, but if you pay close attention to them they are actually just walking around the gym and not doing a darn thing. Often they will walk up to a machine, take a good hard look at it, look around to make sure that nobody is going to write about them in a blog and then move on to another machine. If you want to disturb the "cruiser" walk in their path while they are on the way to a machine....completely throws off their game plan. You will often find the "cruiser" at the WiFi table drinking coffee when you are leaving.
The Creeper : Ok, so when I was younger and went to the Bally's on Palisades Pkwy, I was the "creeper" The creeper is the guy that intentionally gets a spot on a treadmill that is directly behind the hottest woman in the gym, thus making the three to five mile run much more doable. You can just tell a "creeper" by the smirk. When you think you have a "creeper" in your sights simply look in front of him to confirm. Sorry ladies, but there is a good chance there is a "creeper" behind you !
The Newbee's : God bless you "Newbee's" . Every year at the same time ( Jan 1st) we are inundated with "newbee's". You can often tell a "newbee" by the attire. If you see someone wearing a matching Sergio Tecchini sweatsuit, or an outfit that looks like it came straight out of 1989, there is a good chance you are face to face with a "newbee". Ladies, no leg warmers or headbands please! Be warned "newbee" , there are a handful of us that are actually betting on how long you will make it. I know, its an awful thing to do, but you set yourself up by purchasing a gym membership and coming 3 times. My advice to you is to ask questions! Don't walk around aimlessly hoping that the magic program will fall out of the sky and you will figure out how to navigate the machines on your own. I think"newbee's" fail because they get intimidated. Don't get intimidated, we were all "newbee's" once!
The Ditcher : The "ditcher" is they guy/gal with the cell phone by their side at all times. They are constantly checking emails and voicemails to make sure that the boss does not know that they are at the gym instead of in the "Field". You can always tell when the "ditcher" has an important call. They run to a secluded corner, take the call and then take a deep breath after they hang up.
The Professional : The "professional" is the guy/gal that comes in throws an iPod on and GOES! The professional knows where everything is and can navigate the gym blindfolded. Most of the times the professional will dress in a way that will let the others know they mean business. The iPod signifies the fact that they are not there to make friends and have one person in mind.....themselves! If the professional has a hat on it is most likely pulled down so you can't even see there eyes. The walk is intentional and they spend little to no time socializing. In, and out!
And then you have the Trainers. Unfortunately the majority of trainers at my gym look as if they came straight from the couch. The other few look as if they just came from the tattoo parlor! One of my greatest days at the gym occurred when I watched a trainer who was doing the "cool guy" walk, walk directly into a piece of equipment. And yes, I laughed out loud and directly toward him. He was not nearly as big as the "grunter"!
As a stay at home parent you will need a stress release. Find something that you truly enjoy to do and make sure you carve out some time to do it a few times a week. I love to workout so the gym was an obvious choice for me. I get to burn off the beer I so love to drink and do some people watching all in one place. Winner winner chicken dinner!
SVP-OUT!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
"Sensitivity Training"
Ok, so by now you know that I am a SAHD of two little girls. I coordinate matching outfits for school, and am a proud member of the Adventure Princesses of Southern Saratoga County. This is a far cry from the person I used to be. People often say that having children changes your perspective on life. As a SAHD of two little girls, I could not agree more.
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
"Thank You"
As I have gone back and reviewed my previous blogs, it has become obvious to me that through all of the stories and all of the ups and downs of being a SAHD, I have neglected to take a moment to thank the one that has made all of this possible.
You see, in order to get promoted to the SVP of Household Operations, wifey had to work her tail off to get where SHE is. As I look back on our situation, I realize just how lucky I am . Most SAHD's, or stay at home parents for that matter always talk about how thankless and difficult this job is. As I dig deeper, I realize it is relatively easy compared to the role of a working Mom. Wifey has never once complained about the role she plays in our family. Never once while we were living in St Louis did she complain about all the late night flights home and hotel rooms she stayed in over the years to support our family. She tried to remain positive, but through all the late goodnight calls to the girls and I, I knew deep down she was missing them tremendously.
I can't for a second imagine what it would be like to do what she did while we lived in Missouri. See, our initial move to the Midwest was not met with overwhelming joy. While it was a promotion for my wife, it also meant that the family was going to be relocating. We were moving halfway across the country, away from family, and really had no idea when or if we would be moving back close to home. I don't know about you, but that would be pressure I would not want on my shoulders. We told everyone that it was a two to three year deal, but in reality we had no idea how long the journey would be.
When we initially made the move, she promised me that she would do everything she could to get us back closer to family. Now since I had worked for the same company for a long time, I knew this would be difficult if not impossible to deliver. You don't get to pick your next spot, and these positions only open every once in a while. She knew that the move was a difficult one for me, and that plunking us down in the middle of nowhere was not going to be easy for anyone. It was going to require a new school, new friends, and not a family member within 1,000 miles to help during the transition. She traveled every other week for the first year that we were there, and to say that it was difficult would be an understatement. But as I look back I realize now that it was just as difficult for her. All the time that "I" was getting to watch the girls grow up, was in turn time that "SHE" was not. I tried not to complain about my day or the girls when she called and put on a happy face for her when she walked through the door after a 3 day trip back East. I tried my best to be conscious of the fact that she was missing the girls and the moaning about silly things would only make it more difficult for her. But sometimes that was easier said than done.
For two years almost to the tee, she delivered as promised. Not only were we moving due to her promotion, we were headed back closer to home. Win-Win for all. Wifey would not have to travel anymore. She would be based out of an office and really only have to do a day trip here and there. The kids are elated that Mom is home for dinner every night, and Dad is ecstatic that his better half is home every night to watch reality TV and chat with me on the couch. Having her around is fantastic. You see, living the lonely life of a SAHD while wifey traveled was hard, but in the end, worth every second.
So wifey, this is me saying THANK YOU! Thanks for all the sacrifices you have made over the past few years, but most importantly, THANK YOU for allowing me to have this time with our girls. It really has been the best few years for me. I have learned a great deal about myself and the girls. The hard work that you have put in has paid off in terms of a very good life for our family. I do appreciate all that you do for us. Not only are you a pretty good RVP:), but you are an amazing wife and Mom!
We are all very proud of you and what you have been able to accomplish. That being said, do you think we might be able to stay here for a while? I kinda like it here.
SVP-OUT!
You see, in order to get promoted to the SVP of Household Operations, wifey had to work her tail off to get where SHE is. As I look back on our situation, I realize just how lucky I am . Most SAHD's, or stay at home parents for that matter always talk about how thankless and difficult this job is. As I dig deeper, I realize it is relatively easy compared to the role of a working Mom. Wifey has never once complained about the role she plays in our family. Never once while we were living in St Louis did she complain about all the late night flights home and hotel rooms she stayed in over the years to support our family. She tried to remain positive, but through all the late goodnight calls to the girls and I, I knew deep down she was missing them tremendously.
I can't for a second imagine what it would be like to do what she did while we lived in Missouri. See, our initial move to the Midwest was not met with overwhelming joy. While it was a promotion for my wife, it also meant that the family was going to be relocating. We were moving halfway across the country, away from family, and really had no idea when or if we would be moving back close to home. I don't know about you, but that would be pressure I would not want on my shoulders. We told everyone that it was a two to three year deal, but in reality we had no idea how long the journey would be.
When we initially made the move, she promised me that she would do everything she could to get us back closer to family. Now since I had worked for the same company for a long time, I knew this would be difficult if not impossible to deliver. You don't get to pick your next spot, and these positions only open every once in a while. She knew that the move was a difficult one for me, and that plunking us down in the middle of nowhere was not going to be easy for anyone. It was going to require a new school, new friends, and not a family member within 1,000 miles to help during the transition. She traveled every other week for the first year that we were there, and to say that it was difficult would be an understatement. But as I look back I realize now that it was just as difficult for her. All the time that "I" was getting to watch the girls grow up, was in turn time that "SHE" was not. I tried not to complain about my day or the girls when she called and put on a happy face for her when she walked through the door after a 3 day trip back East. I tried my best to be conscious of the fact that she was missing the girls and the moaning about silly things would only make it more difficult for her. But sometimes that was easier said than done.
For two years almost to the tee, she delivered as promised. Not only were we moving due to her promotion, we were headed back closer to home. Win-Win for all. Wifey would not have to travel anymore. She would be based out of an office and really only have to do a day trip here and there. The kids are elated that Mom is home for dinner every night, and Dad is ecstatic that his better half is home every night to watch reality TV and chat with me on the couch. Having her around is fantastic. You see, living the lonely life of a SAHD while wifey traveled was hard, but in the end, worth every second.
So wifey, this is me saying THANK YOU! Thanks for all the sacrifices you have made over the past few years, but most importantly, THANK YOU for allowing me to have this time with our girls. It really has been the best few years for me. I have learned a great deal about myself and the girls. The hard work that you have put in has paid off in terms of a very good life for our family. I do appreciate all that you do for us. Not only are you a pretty good RVP:), but you are an amazing wife and Mom!
We are all very proud of you and what you have been able to accomplish. That being said, do you think we might be able to stay here for a while? I kinda like it here.
SVP-OUT!
Monday, February 13, 2012
"You want a what ? "
A wise man once told me " you should never have more kids than arms. " I must say, I totally agree. We have finally gotten to a position where both kids are out of diapers, they can walk up and down the steps on their own, and they sleep through the night. To put an end to such a great thing would just seem unfair. Well guess what? Wifey is starting the negotiations again for #3.
I take a look at this in a diplomatic way. I look at the important facts that are presented and weigh the pros and cons to see if this is the right move for the "team". For the life of me, I can't figure out where she is coming from.
Let's take a look at a few factors, shall we :
1. I love sleep - Sleep in our house comes at a premium. The girls are not late sleepers so the weekends do not offer any relief from the normal everyday schedule. I am not saying that this is the most important thing to me, but having the girls sleeping through the night is a bonus. I can clearly remember the nights with the kids when they were not sleeping through the night. We were getting up every three hours to feed, we were grumpy in the morning, and coffee did NOTHING to help the cause. I distinctly remember one evening in Baltimore where I was banging my head against the wall as I was feeding the oldest one while she was devouring a bottle.
Then there is the monitor. We are about to get rid of the monitor for the little one and go to a monitor free home. The monitor is a game to wifey and I. She thinks that I don't know that she is pretending to sleep when I get up to answer the call. Unfortunately for her, our youngest actually calls out "Mommy", which gives her no out. I typically giggle when this happens and go right back to sleep. I can do many things as the SVP, but transforming into Mommy is not one of them. And for the record, wifey loves sleep more than me, so the thought of splitting feedings is a pipe dream.
2. We like to travel - Before wifey and I had children we loved to take trips! We would go on cruises, go to Aruba, but most importantly go anywhere whenever we wanted to. Since having our princesses' we have been limited to the sights and sounds of one particular mouse that lives in a Magic Kingdom. I am not saying that I have not had a blast in Disney, I just think its time for us to be able to sit down to a meal and not be joined by cartoon characters and singing it's a small world. This year we are taking our first all inclusive vacation with the girls and I am stoked to say the least. I am looking forward to them being able to enjoy this type of vacation. They both are good eaters so they will try food and they love the water so we will be able to have some good family time in the water together. Having a 3rd puts us back a few years on the vacation circuit. That may sound extremely selfish, but being able to hop on a plane with two small kids and not worrying about implosion is huge. I want to travel with a suitcase, not a suitcase, Boppy, car seat, pack n play, seventeen bottles and a diaper bag.
3. I want to go back to work - Ok, so maybe I should have listed this on the top. There has always been the feeling that I want to go back to work when the girls are both in school full-time. As it stands now the youngest is a year away. She will go to Kindergarten this year and then we are off and running. I have always wanted to open my own gym for kids, and with both kids in school I will have time to get things off the ground. A little one puts me back a few years because you know who would be staying home. Yes, I know, short sighted. I can hear all of you Moms saying it right now, but at least I am being honest. I have appreciated the time that I have had home with the girls, and I have gotten to do something that 99% of men will never get to do.
Yes, I know that these reasons seem selfish, and I also understand that they are all temporary things that we will breeze through. That being said, these are my arguments and I am sticking to them. I thought the solution was the ten pound beast but that backfired completely. I think we might have to adopt a 19 year old swedish swimsuit model. This way we have a built in babysitter. Kidding, just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
SVP- OUT !
I take a look at this in a diplomatic way. I look at the important facts that are presented and weigh the pros and cons to see if this is the right move for the "team". For the life of me, I can't figure out where she is coming from.
Let's take a look at a few factors, shall we :
1. I love sleep - Sleep in our house comes at a premium. The girls are not late sleepers so the weekends do not offer any relief from the normal everyday schedule. I am not saying that this is the most important thing to me, but having the girls sleeping through the night is a bonus. I can clearly remember the nights with the kids when they were not sleeping through the night. We were getting up every three hours to feed, we were grumpy in the morning, and coffee did NOTHING to help the cause. I distinctly remember one evening in Baltimore where I was banging my head against the wall as I was feeding the oldest one while she was devouring a bottle.
Then there is the monitor. We are about to get rid of the monitor for the little one and go to a monitor free home. The monitor is a game to wifey and I. She thinks that I don't know that she is pretending to sleep when I get up to answer the call. Unfortunately for her, our youngest actually calls out "Mommy", which gives her no out. I typically giggle when this happens and go right back to sleep. I can do many things as the SVP, but transforming into Mommy is not one of them. And for the record, wifey loves sleep more than me, so the thought of splitting feedings is a pipe dream.
2. We like to travel - Before wifey and I had children we loved to take trips! We would go on cruises, go to Aruba, but most importantly go anywhere whenever we wanted to. Since having our princesses' we have been limited to the sights and sounds of one particular mouse that lives in a Magic Kingdom. I am not saying that I have not had a blast in Disney, I just think its time for us to be able to sit down to a meal and not be joined by cartoon characters and singing it's a small world. This year we are taking our first all inclusive vacation with the girls and I am stoked to say the least. I am looking forward to them being able to enjoy this type of vacation. They both are good eaters so they will try food and they love the water so we will be able to have some good family time in the water together. Having a 3rd puts us back a few years on the vacation circuit. That may sound extremely selfish, but being able to hop on a plane with two small kids and not worrying about implosion is huge. I want to travel with a suitcase, not a suitcase, Boppy, car seat, pack n play, seventeen bottles and a diaper bag.
3. I want to go back to work - Ok, so maybe I should have listed this on the top. There has always been the feeling that I want to go back to work when the girls are both in school full-time. As it stands now the youngest is a year away. She will go to Kindergarten this year and then we are off and running. I have always wanted to open my own gym for kids, and with both kids in school I will have time to get things off the ground. A little one puts me back a few years because you know who would be staying home. Yes, I know, short sighted. I can hear all of you Moms saying it right now, but at least I am being honest. I have appreciated the time that I have had home with the girls, and I have gotten to do something that 99% of men will never get to do.
Yes, I know that these reasons seem selfish, and I also understand that they are all temporary things that we will breeze through. That being said, these are my arguments and I am sticking to them. I thought the solution was the ten pound beast but that backfired completely. I think we might have to adopt a 19 year old swedish swimsuit model. This way we have a built in babysitter. Kidding, just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.
SVP- OUT !
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
"The Play Date"
So, you have mastered the art of Mommy and Me, now it's time to introduce you to the concept of the play date. What appears to be a simple thing really has quite a few nuances that you need to understand before you enter into the agreement.
I was introduced to the play date when my oldest came home from camp one day and said" Daddy, I wanna play with my friend from camp". The only issue with this was we did not know her or her parents and she lived all the way at the other end of our development. So, I tried to ignore the request for a few days but eventually she broke me down with the nagging and constant asking. She came home one day and I reluctantly loaded her and the little one in the car and we headed down the street. Not knowing her Mom at all I figured I was in for a big fat "NO". Here is some strange guy pulling up to my house asking me to take my daughter back to his house. Well, guess what ....I RULE..not only did I get my oldest's buddy but I was able to convince her to send the little one too who is the same age as mine! I am good at what I do. Needless to say,play date went well and Mom came to pick them up in a few hours.....win-win! This will not always be the case fellas so you need to prepare yourself for the potential pitfalls. In an effort to provide some guidance, I have come up with a few ground rules for the first few play dates.
Rule # 1 : This is a drop off only activity. When you come to drop off your child I am not expecting you to come in as I will not be planning on coming in to your home. There will be no wine and cheese on the counter and limited chit chat. I have my days planned out to the minute and throwing the Mommy visit in wrecks my mojo! See, when the kids are playing, they are not asking me for juice, or a snack, or to turn on the TV, so I am actually able to get a lot done around the house. Selfishly you should enjoy this! I am giving you the next few hours to run errands, go to the gym, go for a run, or simply go home and slug a bottle of Kendall so you can deal with your kid when you pick her back up. Enjoy the free time, as I know I will.
Rule # 2 : I am not a food pantry. If your kid is coming with the intention of eating us out of house and home she is sorely mistaken. I give my kids one snack when they get home and that's it! There is no munching on chips while they take in mindless Spongebob on the couch in this house. If my daughter asks me for a second snack for your child the answer will still be "NO".
Rule # 3 : If your child is coming to my house to leave an indentation on my couch while she watches TV, Im sorry, that is simply not going to happen. See, my oldest actually turns off the TV when friends come over and immediately starts asking what activities they want to do. I always tell my kids how great it was when I was little. We went outside and played until it was dark. We had no electronic devices, no Temple Run and no Disney Channel. All we had was a bike and a streetlight which magically told us what time we needed to go home based on the reflection on your handlebars.
Rule # 4 : I will not be doing makeup or painting nails. My kids often come home from play dates with eye shadow, lipstick, and nail polish on. I wear trifocals and can barely see the keyboard I am currently typing on. I take my kids to get their nails done, so the chances of me doing your kids' is zero.
Rule # 5 : If you make a mess and don't clean it up, or treat my kids like garbage, there will be no invite back. See, my kids know that when they are leaving someone's house they need to start cleaning up 10 minutes before they leave. If your kids ransack the place and roll out, my kids end up cleaning and crying.....that simply does not work. Vomiting in the house will also put you in jeopardy of being invited back. My eldest had a play date a few weeks back and the little buddy power booted all over her room. Uh, there should be a rule that if your kid throws up at somebody else's house, you should have to come and clean it up . I was dry heaving for hours and the room still doesn't smell the same.
I have created these rules for the "newbies". The neighborhood kids pretty much have free reign over my house because I know them and their parents. These rules apply for the first few play dates and eventually will lead to a meeting with the parents. Once we have broken bread and enjoyed a beverage together rules become a bit more lax. I have been fortunate so far that most of my kids' friends have really cool Dads with similar interests. This is a win-win for all, as the kid play date soon becomes a parent play date on Friday nights with some apps, a few adult beverages, and a lot of laughs!
SVP - OUT!
I was introduced to the play date when my oldest came home from camp one day and said" Daddy, I wanna play with my friend from camp". The only issue with this was we did not know her or her parents and she lived all the way at the other end of our development. So, I tried to ignore the request for a few days but eventually she broke me down with the nagging and constant asking. She came home one day and I reluctantly loaded her and the little one in the car and we headed down the street. Not knowing her Mom at all I figured I was in for a big fat "NO". Here is some strange guy pulling up to my house asking me to take my daughter back to his house. Well, guess what ....I RULE..not only did I get my oldest's buddy but I was able to convince her to send the little one too who is the same age as mine! I am good at what I do. Needless to say,play date went well and Mom came to pick them up in a few hours.....win-win! This will not always be the case fellas so you need to prepare yourself for the potential pitfalls. In an effort to provide some guidance, I have come up with a few ground rules for the first few play dates.
Rule # 1 : This is a drop off only activity. When you come to drop off your child I am not expecting you to come in as I will not be planning on coming in to your home. There will be no wine and cheese on the counter and limited chit chat. I have my days planned out to the minute and throwing the Mommy visit in wrecks my mojo! See, when the kids are playing, they are not asking me for juice, or a snack, or to turn on the TV, so I am actually able to get a lot done around the house. Selfishly you should enjoy this! I am giving you the next few hours to run errands, go to the gym, go for a run, or simply go home and slug a bottle of Kendall so you can deal with your kid when you pick her back up. Enjoy the free time, as I know I will.
Rule # 2 : I am not a food pantry. If your kid is coming with the intention of eating us out of house and home she is sorely mistaken. I give my kids one snack when they get home and that's it! There is no munching on chips while they take in mindless Spongebob on the couch in this house. If my daughter asks me for a second snack for your child the answer will still be "NO".
Rule # 3 : If your child is coming to my house to leave an indentation on my couch while she watches TV, Im sorry, that is simply not going to happen. See, my oldest actually turns off the TV when friends come over and immediately starts asking what activities they want to do. I always tell my kids how great it was when I was little. We went outside and played until it was dark. We had no electronic devices, no Temple Run and no Disney Channel. All we had was a bike and a streetlight which magically told us what time we needed to go home based on the reflection on your handlebars.
Rule # 4 : I will not be doing makeup or painting nails. My kids often come home from play dates with eye shadow, lipstick, and nail polish on. I wear trifocals and can barely see the keyboard I am currently typing on. I take my kids to get their nails done, so the chances of me doing your kids' is zero.
Rule # 5 : If you make a mess and don't clean it up, or treat my kids like garbage, there will be no invite back. See, my kids know that when they are leaving someone's house they need to start cleaning up 10 minutes before they leave. If your kids ransack the place and roll out, my kids end up cleaning and crying.....that simply does not work. Vomiting in the house will also put you in jeopardy of being invited back. My eldest had a play date a few weeks back and the little buddy power booted all over her room. Uh, there should be a rule that if your kid throws up at somebody else's house, you should have to come and clean it up . I was dry heaving for hours and the room still doesn't smell the same.
I have created these rules for the "newbies". The neighborhood kids pretty much have free reign over my house because I know them and their parents. These rules apply for the first few play dates and eventually will lead to a meeting with the parents. Once we have broken bread and enjoyed a beverage together rules become a bit more lax. I have been fortunate so far that most of my kids' friends have really cool Dads with similar interests. This is a win-win for all, as the kid play date soon becomes a parent play date on Friday nights with some apps, a few adult beverages, and a lot of laughs!
SVP - OUT!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Workforce re-entry," Houston, we have a problem"
All well written plans have wrinkles and ours would prove to be no different. See, when you sit down with the family and decide that this is what best you have to carefully take into consideration all the pro's and cons. Unfortunately, the economic collapse of the nation was not on the con side when we came up with the SVP position. This was supposed to be a 3 to 4 year gig with the option to go back to work after the girls were settled in school.
When we left the Philadelphia area in 2008 things still had the appearance of normal. By normal I mean the country looked nothing like the train wreck that it would 3 months later. We moved to St Louis, settled in their and watched the layoffs happen on a daily basis. Friends, family, and neighbors alike were heavily impacted by the collapse of the major banking and financial institutions. Unemployment rose, and the market became ultra competitive, and unfortunately as a SAHD, I became less and less marketable as the days went by.
Going into the move to St Louis I knew that I was going to be home full time with the girls since wifey was traveling so much. It made no sense for us to add the stress of day care and sick days and all that garbage if we didn't have to. Fortunately for us we were at a place financially where it just made sense. I accepted that the was my deal for the next 2 to 3 years and that was that. For those of you that know me, this was not easy. I was used to hustling and selling and being out and about. It was like going from 5th gear to 1st with no stops between. Little did I know that my daily stresses in this new role would make a job look like nap time. I obtained a personal training certification while home but really did not do much with it, but we will revisit that another time. I volunteered at my daughter's school often and co-chaired a few events at school to stay active and be able to talk to big people on occasion. I was active in the PTA and tried to make as many contacts as I could but unfortunately we were in an area that was heavily impacted by the economic downturn. I even had the best free head hunter that got me an interview with a pharm company. As it turned out they wanted to hire me but cut the sales force in half a week after they interviewed me.
Well, wouldn't you know that almost to the day of wifey's time commitment in her role was up she got promoted. Such an awesome moment for all of us and I could not have been prouder of what she had accomplished. She is an amazing person and has worked extremely hard to get where she is. This was also huge for the family because we were heading back EAST. Both of our families are from the Northeast so not only was it a great promotion, but it was also bringing us closer to home. We packed up the kids and off we went.
So here we are in upstate NY, wifey has settled in and the girls are doing great. One problem, Dad can't seem to find something to get into. I have had numerous responses to the old resume and have had phone interview after phone interview but unfortunately when we get to the question of "What have you been doing since 2008", it all goes south ........in a hurry. See, most recruiters ( except the one's I know and love!) have issue with the fact that I have been a SAHD for the past three years. I confidently explain to the that if you can sell , than you can sell and reiterate the 15 years of experience I have. Sales is not something that leaves you over time. Unfortunately they are not buying. I even used the sales diamond on one of them and left him speechless. For those of you who know what that is stop laughing....I rocked the diamond! I was even told by a recruiter once ( who was awful) while he read off his script, that since I was out of work for over 2 years that he simply could do nothing for me. I told him it was by choice but still no dice.
If I could give a word of advice to those recruiters out there that are trying to fill positions and get paid per hire it would be this: get me the face to face, I will do the rest. The way I look at it is yes, I have been out for 3 years, but that just means I am well rested. I am not one of these folks walking around waiting for the hammer to drop, miserable with being underpaid for taking on more, and always looking for the next opportunity. I have plenty to give and could sell a ketchup popsicle to a guy in a white suit. Don't judge the fact that I have been home with the kids. Do you have any idea what its like trying to sell a 4 yr old on an outfit to wear in the morning? The fact of the matter is while you are on your computer updating your Facebook status and checking your fantasy team ranking I am doing 4 loads of laundry, cleaning the house and making sure that wifey and the kids are going to have a hot meal by 6:45. Oh , and I forgot walking the ten pound dog 4 times as she has the bladder the size of a pea!
I have decided to stop the search for now and be the best SVP I can be. There is no sense stressing myself over positions that I do not want. Hopefully the calls from the script readers will come to an end and I will have the opportunity to work on a life long dream of mine and finish my business plan for my children's fitness center. If the workforce does not have a position for me than I will just have to create one!
Listen, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so when the little one starts school full time, I know the opportunity of a lifetime will knock on my front door. See, I am a glass half full guy so I know that not only will I be able to look back on this time and thank my lucky stars I had it, I'll be looking back from my corner office window!
Gotta run, I have pulled pork in the crock pot that needs to come out, and the dog is standing at the back door!
SVP-Out!
When we left the Philadelphia area in 2008 things still had the appearance of normal. By normal I mean the country looked nothing like the train wreck that it would 3 months later. We moved to St Louis, settled in their and watched the layoffs happen on a daily basis. Friends, family, and neighbors alike were heavily impacted by the collapse of the major banking and financial institutions. Unemployment rose, and the market became ultra competitive, and unfortunately as a SAHD, I became less and less marketable as the days went by.
Going into the move to St Louis I knew that I was going to be home full time with the girls since wifey was traveling so much. It made no sense for us to add the stress of day care and sick days and all that garbage if we didn't have to. Fortunately for us we were at a place financially where it just made sense. I accepted that the was my deal for the next 2 to 3 years and that was that. For those of you that know me, this was not easy. I was used to hustling and selling and being out and about. It was like going from 5th gear to 1st with no stops between. Little did I know that my daily stresses in this new role would make a job look like nap time. I obtained a personal training certification while home but really did not do much with it, but we will revisit that another time. I volunteered at my daughter's school often and co-chaired a few events at school to stay active and be able to talk to big people on occasion. I was active in the PTA and tried to make as many contacts as I could but unfortunately we were in an area that was heavily impacted by the economic downturn. I even had the best free head hunter that got me an interview with a pharm company. As it turned out they wanted to hire me but cut the sales force in half a week after they interviewed me.
Well, wouldn't you know that almost to the day of wifey's time commitment in her role was up she got promoted. Such an awesome moment for all of us and I could not have been prouder of what she had accomplished. She is an amazing person and has worked extremely hard to get where she is. This was also huge for the family because we were heading back EAST. Both of our families are from the Northeast so not only was it a great promotion, but it was also bringing us closer to home. We packed up the kids and off we went.
So here we are in upstate NY, wifey has settled in and the girls are doing great. One problem, Dad can't seem to find something to get into. I have had numerous responses to the old resume and have had phone interview after phone interview but unfortunately when we get to the question of "What have you been doing since 2008", it all goes south ........in a hurry. See, most recruiters ( except the one's I know and love!) have issue with the fact that I have been a SAHD for the past three years. I confidently explain to the that if you can sell , than you can sell and reiterate the 15 years of experience I have. Sales is not something that leaves you over time. Unfortunately they are not buying. I even used the sales diamond on one of them and left him speechless. For those of you who know what that is stop laughing....I rocked the diamond! I was even told by a recruiter once ( who was awful) while he read off his script, that since I was out of work for over 2 years that he simply could do nothing for me. I told him it was by choice but still no dice.
If I could give a word of advice to those recruiters out there that are trying to fill positions and get paid per hire it would be this: get me the face to face, I will do the rest. The way I look at it is yes, I have been out for 3 years, but that just means I am well rested. I am not one of these folks walking around waiting for the hammer to drop, miserable with being underpaid for taking on more, and always looking for the next opportunity. I have plenty to give and could sell a ketchup popsicle to a guy in a white suit. Don't judge the fact that I have been home with the kids. Do you have any idea what its like trying to sell a 4 yr old on an outfit to wear in the morning? The fact of the matter is while you are on your computer updating your Facebook status and checking your fantasy team ranking I am doing 4 loads of laundry, cleaning the house and making sure that wifey and the kids are going to have a hot meal by 6:45. Oh , and I forgot walking the ten pound dog 4 times as she has the bladder the size of a pea!
I have decided to stop the search for now and be the best SVP I can be. There is no sense stressing myself over positions that I do not want. Hopefully the calls from the script readers will come to an end and I will have the opportunity to work on a life long dream of mine and finish my business plan for my children's fitness center. If the workforce does not have a position for me than I will just have to create one!
Listen, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so when the little one starts school full time, I know the opportunity of a lifetime will knock on my front door. See, I am a glass half full guy so I know that not only will I be able to look back on this time and thank my lucky stars I had it, I'll be looking back from my corner office window!
Gotta run, I have pulled pork in the crock pot that needs to come out, and the dog is standing at the back door!
SVP-Out!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
"Mommy and Me " classes
So, the topic was going to come up eventually so I had to figure out how to do a piece on these classes without aggravating the majority of those that read......women. So, what I have come up with is a guide to surviving the class, rather than a rant on ripping them to pieces.
If you "Google" Dad and me classes in the Albany area the first response is "Mommy and Me " classes in the Capital District. this should be a clear indication gentlemen that we are way outnumbered and are going to face an uphill battle when it comes to finding classes and groups that will cater to the sweatpants and sneaker wearing Dad's. Oh no fellas, we are going to have to up our game in so many ways just to survive.
My first word of advice is to make sure that your self esteem is HIGH! In order to walk into one of these classes you need to make sure that you act "as if". For those of you that saw Boiler Room you know what I am talking about. For those of you that did not, acting "as if" is acting in a fashion that exudes confidence. Act "as if" you have been to these classes before. Act "as if" you could care a less that there are 30 women in the room compared to the one male( you!) The likelihood of another guy being in the class is low....very low, and if there is another guy in the class already he is furious with the fact that you are impeding on his Mommy and Me class. It becomes territorial real fast in these classes, which leads to my next piece of advice, Try the class first.
Many of the classes that are offered allow you to come in and test the class out to make sure that it is right for you and your child......DO IT! By doing this you allow your child to get a look at the class and you can survey the situation to see exactly what you are getting yourself into. I believe that I can get a quick read on people in a short amount of time so by watching a class I can figure out who the players are. Before I have left the trial class I can tell if this is going to be a class I can deal with. A helpful hint here is to try and pick a class where you already know one person. My second Mom and Me class in St Louis had a good friend in it ( who was also from Jersey ! ) so it made it easier for me knowing that we were going to be able to chat for an hour while the girls were doing their thing.
When it comes to attire be mindful of the fact that you are 1 guy in a class of 20-25 Moms. Showing up in sweatpants and a t-shirt is simply unacceptable! I made this mistake in my very first class. I showed up to a Mommy and Me gym class in sweats and a T-shirt thinking I was going to be helping her through the class. Little did I know I would be interacting with the Mom that wore $200 pair of jeans and looked like she was ready to go to a club. Take some time and be thoughtful of the audience. If you are going to an active class wear jeans and a golf shirt......little to no effort but makes it look like you at least tried. If you are headed to a gymnastics class or something where you will just be spectating raise the game and put on a button down with jeans. It's not a pick up joint but you want to make sure that you look good. Looking good makes the confidence rise and therefore makes you look "as if" you have done this before. On the flip side you will also notice that the ladies have raised their game in response to you. The Mom who showed up for your first class in sweats and a gap T is now putting in some effort. It's human nature, when you hang out with Mom's all day you get comfortable so when a Dad shows up the rules change. Mom's you know what I mean, and you also know I am right!
My next piece of advice is to PAY ATTENTION!. We as a male species do a fantastic job of the initial handshake and when we walk away for some reason all is forgotten. Be a good listener, you are going to hear some of the funniest stuff ever! It is amazing to me that Mom's rip their husbands to shreds and have no qualms about doing it in front of another guy. Listen to what is going on and be able to add to the conversation. If you have nothing constructive to add, SHUT UP, this is not the time to wing it, they will eat you alive. If you have nothing on a topic, research the topic and be ready for the next class. Not only does it show you are smart but that you were actually paying attention! This will go far and might even make the Mom's put their guard down for a minute. They are already thrown off by having a guy in the room, now having a guy that listens might lead to sensory overload.
My last pice of advice on the topic is to make some friends. The reality of the situation is you are a part of a small population. If the Mom's are cool there is a good shot that their husbands are cool too! You have now made a friend, spouses can meet and the kids already know each other therefore increasing your small social circle. It is a win win for all involved. By getting involved at school and going to these classes I have met some fantastic people that we hang out with to this day.
Listen, these classes are not easy. The name simply makes you want to take your manhood off at the door place it in a box and leave it in a locker until its done. The reality is it can be a really cool experience. You learn a lot about yourself and a ton about the other side! Be open, brush up on the hot kid topics and be able to contribute. Don't under any circumstances be the guy pretending to be working on his iPad in the corner at the class. Me and the Mom's will make fun of you behind your back, and you are most likely playing online poker anyway! I hope these tips help, nobody warned me before I went to the "My Gym" in Missouri so I thought I might try and save you from making the same mistakes I made.
SVP- Out !
If you "Google" Dad and me classes in the Albany area the first response is "Mommy and Me " classes in the Capital District. this should be a clear indication gentlemen that we are way outnumbered and are going to face an uphill battle when it comes to finding classes and groups that will cater to the sweatpants and sneaker wearing Dad's. Oh no fellas, we are going to have to up our game in so many ways just to survive.
My first word of advice is to make sure that your self esteem is HIGH! In order to walk into one of these classes you need to make sure that you act "as if". For those of you that saw Boiler Room you know what I am talking about. For those of you that did not, acting "as if" is acting in a fashion that exudes confidence. Act "as if" you have been to these classes before. Act "as if" you could care a less that there are 30 women in the room compared to the one male( you!) The likelihood of another guy being in the class is low....very low, and if there is another guy in the class already he is furious with the fact that you are impeding on his Mommy and Me class. It becomes territorial real fast in these classes, which leads to my next piece of advice, Try the class first.
Many of the classes that are offered allow you to come in and test the class out to make sure that it is right for you and your child......DO IT! By doing this you allow your child to get a look at the class and you can survey the situation to see exactly what you are getting yourself into. I believe that I can get a quick read on people in a short amount of time so by watching a class I can figure out who the players are. Before I have left the trial class I can tell if this is going to be a class I can deal with. A helpful hint here is to try and pick a class where you already know one person. My second Mom and Me class in St Louis had a good friend in it ( who was also from Jersey ! ) so it made it easier for me knowing that we were going to be able to chat for an hour while the girls were doing their thing.
When it comes to attire be mindful of the fact that you are 1 guy in a class of 20-25 Moms. Showing up in sweatpants and a t-shirt is simply unacceptable! I made this mistake in my very first class. I showed up to a Mommy and Me gym class in sweats and a T-shirt thinking I was going to be helping her through the class. Little did I know I would be interacting with the Mom that wore $200 pair of jeans and looked like she was ready to go to a club. Take some time and be thoughtful of the audience. If you are going to an active class wear jeans and a golf shirt......little to no effort but makes it look like you at least tried. If you are headed to a gymnastics class or something where you will just be spectating raise the game and put on a button down with jeans. It's not a pick up joint but you want to make sure that you look good. Looking good makes the confidence rise and therefore makes you look "as if" you have done this before. On the flip side you will also notice that the ladies have raised their game in response to you. The Mom who showed up for your first class in sweats and a gap T is now putting in some effort. It's human nature, when you hang out with Mom's all day you get comfortable so when a Dad shows up the rules change. Mom's you know what I mean, and you also know I am right!
My next piece of advice is to PAY ATTENTION!. We as a male species do a fantastic job of the initial handshake and when we walk away for some reason all is forgotten. Be a good listener, you are going to hear some of the funniest stuff ever! It is amazing to me that Mom's rip their husbands to shreds and have no qualms about doing it in front of another guy. Listen to what is going on and be able to add to the conversation. If you have nothing constructive to add, SHUT UP, this is not the time to wing it, they will eat you alive. If you have nothing on a topic, research the topic and be ready for the next class. Not only does it show you are smart but that you were actually paying attention! This will go far and might even make the Mom's put their guard down for a minute. They are already thrown off by having a guy in the room, now having a guy that listens might lead to sensory overload.
My last pice of advice on the topic is to make some friends. The reality of the situation is you are a part of a small population. If the Mom's are cool there is a good shot that their husbands are cool too! You have now made a friend, spouses can meet and the kids already know each other therefore increasing your small social circle. It is a win win for all involved. By getting involved at school and going to these classes I have met some fantastic people that we hang out with to this day.
Listen, these classes are not easy. The name simply makes you want to take your manhood off at the door place it in a box and leave it in a locker until its done. The reality is it can be a really cool experience. You learn a lot about yourself and a ton about the other side! Be open, brush up on the hot kid topics and be able to contribute. Don't under any circumstances be the guy pretending to be working on his iPad in the corner at the class. Me and the Mom's will make fun of you behind your back, and you are most likely playing online poker anyway! I hope these tips help, nobody warned me before I went to the "My Gym" in Missouri so I thought I might try and save you from making the same mistakes I made.
SVP- Out !
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