For those of you that know me, you know that I often wear my heart on my sleeve and this blog will be no different. The events of the past week have made me question everything. I have gone through the scenario in my head over and over again and yet can not come up with a single valid reason as to WHY someone would commit the violent and senseless crime that occurred in Connecticut last Friday.
As my family and I drove down to New Jersey Friday afternoon, my phone buzzed and I quickly glanced to see that there was a shooting at a school. Sadly, I shrugged it off thinking " Great , another High School kid decided to take on the world and shoot fellow students and then kill himself. Phone was placed back in the cup holder and then shortly after it buzzed again. What I was about to read would completely change my demeanor and forever change me as a father and as a member of this society. I quickly glanced and read " 18 Elementary school children massacred" . Uh, what?? I handed the phone to my wife and she quickly scanned the article to only confirm that someone had actually taken an assault rifle and massacred 18 CHILDREN. My heart raced and I went through the gambit of emotions. i was angry, i was sad, my heart hurt for those parents that were effected and I immediately asked the same question that so many of us are still asking.......WHY?
We arrived at my parents house to see the coverage on TV and it crushed me. I was staring at an Elementary school similar to the one that our two girls attend and all I saw were sirens, paramedics, police and a sense of horror that I simply could not handle. My kids glanced quickly and I ushered them from the room and politely asked my parents to change the channel until I had time to evaluate the situation and figure out how my wife and I were going to explain this to our two Elementary school daughters.
Fast forward to bedtime and as always when we go to my parents house, one of us sleeps with one daughter and the there takes the other one. To my credit its always a battle to see who gets to snuggle with Dad, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight we watched the news for a few minutes and them my daughter actually asked me to change it since it was making her sad. I obliged and went into Dad mode and asked if she had any questions or if she was scared. She quickly replied...."Dad, could that happen at my school?"
Gulp, deep breath and here we go. I tried to explain to her that her school had security measures in place that would keep her safe and that the adults at her school would always have her safety as their main priority. Disaster averted and my 8 yr old fell asleep as I quietly cried in bed thinking " what if that were one if not both of my girls" . These poor kids went to school as if it were any other day and YOU took that from them.
Fast forward to Monday. As I watch the 6am news I am horrified at the step by step details they are offering up and even more disgusted at the fact that they continue to mention this MONSTER by name and continue to flash his image on the screen. Why is it we as a society NEED to see this ? Why can't we refer to this COWARD for exactly what he was? Why can't Matt Lauer say " The COWARD who committed these brutal acts then took his own WORTHLESS life before the authorities had a chance to get to him. He SHAMELESSLY shot himself before the authorities had the chance to shoot him point blank in the face like he did to so many of these children.
Then fast forward to the bus stop Monday morning. As a group we are mostly Dads. Loud, obnoxiously funny, and mostly in sweats and with bad coffer breath, but we make it look good. Well Monday was different. It was a chilly morning and we were all a little too quiet for my liking. We greeted each other cordially but that was it. The focus was on the kids and I could see it as clear as day. Nobody talked football and no mention of who drank too much and who didn't. Instead, with laser focus we were all tuned into the kids and when the bus rolled up we hugged them tighter and gave them kisses goodbye and sent them off to school. Was that the right decision ?
Monday was awful . A constant reminder of what happened to those poor defenseless children as they went to the place that we as parents hold sacred and as a safe haven. I checked my phone 100 times before my youngest got off the bus at 11 and then 100 more times before my oldest stepped off at 230. No messages from school was a good thing. I hugged them both as they jumped off the bus.
Neither of them really understands the gravity of the situation, but my 8 yr old is asking more questions and we are hitting them head on. I want her to know that there are bad people in the world that do bad things and that she needs to always be aware of her surroundings, but to trust that those adults that are around her will always have her back.
But how do I say all of that with a straight face, when I , as the ADULT have questions myself. I am struggling with the fact that someone, anyone, could wake up one morning and decide that it is OK to commit such a horrific act. Why did you do this? Why on earth would you target the only group of people that could not defend themselves? Why would you pick a school? Why after you killed your Mother which is horrific enough, did you feel the need to inflict pain on all of those children and parents? Why were you so angry that you felt this was the only way you would be able to react? And why did you kill yourself, you coward? Why were you not man enough to face the punishment for your actions?
These questions for me will never be answered and from here on I will always put our kids on the bus with a touch of fear that they could possibly be in harms way. That is simply not fair. We raise our kids in stages and this is supposed to be one of those stages where they smile from bell to bell and we are supposed to enjoy their daily accomplishments and achievements. Instead YOU took that away. YOU decided that the world needed to hear you roar and YOU needed to make a statement that would resinate for years to come. Bravo you spineless piece of trash! YOU accomplished what you set out to do. YOU made us uneasy as parents but know this, you have only made us closer as we all have taken a step back and realized that maybe we ALL need some more family dinners at the table together, less FB, less twittering and for crying out loud less Tour of Duty!
As a parent I can only hope that I can get them through each stage safely and with a smile on their faces. I want to teach them the ways of the world and how to appreciate everything they have and be thankful for every day. YOU will not stop me from that mission. YOU have made me pause and take stock in our daily routine as well as what I could do better as a apparent to ensure they follow a good path, but YOU have not broken me.
I cry for the parents of the children who were so recklessly taken from them and I cry every time I think of the fear and they must have encountered in the moments prior to being taken from us. I can only hope that there will be something positive that will come out of this event. What has this society become, where an INDIVIDUAL can somehow feel justified taking the lives innocent children. Children have always been OFF LIMITS. Jeez, even prisoners beat down the child offenders.
The game has changed people. We need to be having more conversations with our kids and checking in to make sure that they are in a good place. I know that I will cherish the conversations my girls and I have , and will make no conversation off limits to them.
Its been an emotional week for me and I hope all who tuned in to read understand where I am coming from. I cherish my girls, and the thought of some WORTHLESS COWARD taking them from me has shaken me to the core. If there is any justice in the world, I will steal a line from Two and a Half Men, " I hope you're getting the prongs of the pitchfork with no lube"
SVP -OUT
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
" Girls are brutal "
So, today my daughter got off the bus and within the first three steps of her coming towards me, I could tell she did not have a good day. To my credit I immediately identified it and asked her if we could sit down when we got home to talk it over. To my surprise, she agreed. Ya see, my oldest daughter is extremely sensitive and rarely wants to express her feelings to me so when she said yes, I knew i needed to take full advantage of the situation.
So, we sit down to talk about her day and immediately she goes into defensive mode and tries to explain how she had nothing to do with what happened today. As a loving dad, I wanna believe her, but I know her too well to know that this is impossible. The conversation continues and we get to the part where I ask her how many issues did we have today. I was only kidding when I posed the question , but when she started counting in her head how many issues she had today I knew that I was in it for the long haul. Final tally......6 issues in one day.
So, here we are Dad and daughter on the couch starting to address the 6 issues of the day when I realize that these issues have nothing to do with school, but more to do with her classmates.
Issue 1. So and so was mean to me
Issue 2. So and so said I was being rude
Issue 3. So and so bailed on me at the playground
Issue 4. So and so said I was a liar
Issue 5. So and so said I was making faces at her
Issue 6. So and so was moving and would no longer be sitting next o me on the bus.
Ok, so now I have all 6 issues in front of me I need to decide how I am going to handle them. Do I take each issue on 1 by 1, or do try and tackle them all at once. Thoughts?? Well, I took them on all at once.
For you Dad's out there with girls you can identify. You grew up a dude and when dudes had an argument they punched each other or made some ridiculous comment about the other one's mother and quickly moved on to who was gonna hook up with Suzie Q at the dance the following weekend. Well, guess what, that simply does not fly in the world of girls. They argue, they make up, and 5 minutes later they are arguing again. Its mid boggling to me that at the ripe old age of 8 ,my daughter is going through this
Apparently when you are a girl of the 8-teen variety, there is a dynamic at play that involves a great deal of` manipulation and a great deal of hair loss for the parent listening to the story! As I am sitting there watching my little girl cry as she tells the story I am thinking back to the days when I was 8 and all I could envision was a Nerf football and a huffy bike that I could do made wheelies on. These girls are already to the point of forming packs and cutting you at the knees on the playground.
So I dive in, and try to address the issues with a one size fits all approach. " Ya know sweetheart, girls can be a bit mean. They tend to travel in 2's and wen you throw a 3rd girl in the mix, it completely throws off the balance of power, and the one who is used to getting all of the attention quickly realizes she needs to do something to gain it back which usually results in you getting the short end of the stick" As I am sure you could imagine, I get a blank stare and still more tears.
Phase 2! I quickly recover and decide that this is going to be one of this enlightening moments whee I explain to my daughter that maybe today people were having a bad day and that thats why they made tomorrow's. Still a blank stare and more tears. Epic fail.
Phase 3. Reach in for the hug , hold her tight and promise her that everything will be OK. We laugh a bit about how girls pretty much suck, and I remind her, as I do 3-4 times a week, that " Friends will come and go, but you will always have your sister" . Hopefully she gets it before I am too senile to witness it.
See, if she were a boy, I could tell her to sucker punch the kid on the playground with a roll of quarters in his fist and get a good laugh out of it, but this girl thing really adds a dynamic that I think most SAHD's are not prepared for. Girls today are brutal !! Here I am thinking I am going to have to protect them from boyfriends. What a crock!
Oh, and if all of this is not enough, a boy in her class told her this week that he liked her!!!!! Dude, you're 8... stay focused on your pokemon cards and get the hell away from my daughter. I am proud to report that she told him that she did not like him that way, and that she liked him as a friend. As someone who has heard that a few times, I am totally cool with it!
SVP-OUT!
So, we sit down to talk about her day and immediately she goes into defensive mode and tries to explain how she had nothing to do with what happened today. As a loving dad, I wanna believe her, but I know her too well to know that this is impossible. The conversation continues and we get to the part where I ask her how many issues did we have today. I was only kidding when I posed the question , but when she started counting in her head how many issues she had today I knew that I was in it for the long haul. Final tally......6 issues in one day.
So, here we are Dad and daughter on the couch starting to address the 6 issues of the day when I realize that these issues have nothing to do with school, but more to do with her classmates.
Issue 1. So and so was mean to me
Issue 2. So and so said I was being rude
Issue 3. So and so bailed on me at the playground
Issue 4. So and so said I was a liar
Issue 5. So and so said I was making faces at her
Issue 6. So and so was moving and would no longer be sitting next o me on the bus.
Ok, so now I have all 6 issues in front of me I need to decide how I am going to handle them. Do I take each issue on 1 by 1, or do try and tackle them all at once. Thoughts?? Well, I took them on all at once.
For you Dad's out there with girls you can identify. You grew up a dude and when dudes had an argument they punched each other or made some ridiculous comment about the other one's mother and quickly moved on to who was gonna hook up with Suzie Q at the dance the following weekend. Well, guess what, that simply does not fly in the world of girls. They argue, they make up, and 5 minutes later they are arguing again. Its mid boggling to me that at the ripe old age of 8 ,my daughter is going through this
Apparently when you are a girl of the 8-teen variety, there is a dynamic at play that involves a great deal of` manipulation and a great deal of hair loss for the parent listening to the story! As I am sitting there watching my little girl cry as she tells the story I am thinking back to the days when I was 8 and all I could envision was a Nerf football and a huffy bike that I could do made wheelies on. These girls are already to the point of forming packs and cutting you at the knees on the playground.
So I dive in, and try to address the issues with a one size fits all approach. " Ya know sweetheart, girls can be a bit mean. They tend to travel in 2's and wen you throw a 3rd girl in the mix, it completely throws off the balance of power, and the one who is used to getting all of the attention quickly realizes she needs to do something to gain it back which usually results in you getting the short end of the stick" As I am sure you could imagine, I get a blank stare and still more tears.
Phase 2! I quickly recover and decide that this is going to be one of this enlightening moments whee I explain to my daughter that maybe today people were having a bad day and that thats why they made tomorrow's. Still a blank stare and more tears. Epic fail.
Phase 3. Reach in for the hug , hold her tight and promise her that everything will be OK. We laugh a bit about how girls pretty much suck, and I remind her, as I do 3-4 times a week, that " Friends will come and go, but you will always have your sister" . Hopefully she gets it before I am too senile to witness it.
See, if she were a boy, I could tell her to sucker punch the kid on the playground with a roll of quarters in his fist and get a good laugh out of it, but this girl thing really adds a dynamic that I think most SAHD's are not prepared for. Girls today are brutal !! Here I am thinking I am going to have to protect them from boyfriends. What a crock!
Oh, and if all of this is not enough, a boy in her class told her this week that he liked her!!!!! Dude, you're 8... stay focused on your pokemon cards and get the hell away from my daughter. I am proud to report that she told him that she did not like him that way, and that she liked him as a friend. As someone who has heard that a few times, I am totally cool with it!
SVP-OUT!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
"Family Vacations"
The mere thought of the family vacation makes my shoulders rise. There are so many different stages to the vacation that literally send my stress level from yellow to red, and quickly.After recently taking a family vacation I decided to sit back and take a good hard look at the process to figure out if there were any areas that I could improve to ensure a stress free vacation. The result, an overwhelming no!
There is not one aspect of the vacation that stresses me yet a plethora of them that make me wanna sucker punch someone with a fist full of quarters by the time I get home.
Lets first start with packing. The concept seems simple, you take a few outfits and make sure that you have enough underwear and toiletries to get through the allotted time. But wait, then add 2 kids and a wife that feels the need to take each suitcase to the very edge of 50 pounds so when we get to the airport we don't have to pay the overweight fee. See, I have the wife that would actually stand in lime and move things from one bag to another while I am standing in the background with my credit card in hand telling the jovial airlines employee who is so thrilled to be there just to charge me. We actually got a suitcase weigher as a gift, and quite honestly it was one of the best gifts we ever got! We actually know before we go to the airport whether or not I will have to try and sneak a knee to the side of the bag and hold it up slightly while its on the scale so the employee does not see. Who on earth needs 50 pounds of clothing for a 5 day trip.....apparently we do! Our daughters take 4 more outfits than they will need and my wife easily packs 4-5 pair of shoes that will NEVER leave the suitcase. Yet I need to pack only one pair of shoes and God forbid I try and pack my big bottle of Polo. All of this leaves me shaking my head and gritting my newly replaced teeth.
The next aspect of the trip is the trip to the airport. See, wifey travel a ton and is an A member with Southwest so she thinks that the actual travel time of one person will equal that of 4 including two small children who are half asleep because we are taking a 5am flight. I try and get to the airport at least an hour and a half before the flight so I have time to have a cup of coffee, relax and potentially drop the kids at the pool before I get on the plane. Wifey takes the O.J. approach and feels the need to get to the airport with just enough time for me to blow my nose and again grit my teeth. And as usual I'm the bad guy because I am huffing and puffing in the airport while she is a picture of composure under pressure.
Next we move to the seat battle. See, as the SVP of Household Ops, I am the one that BOTH kids want to sit with on the plane and we always split the seats and hope that nobody sits next to us. Wifey actually has a "move" where she will not make eye contact with anyone in the aisle hoping that they will not sit next to her. Me on the other hand say hello to everyone and ultimately get the lovely 300 pound 80 year old woman that now needs to squeeze through and then squeeze out 3 or 4 times during the flight. Yumm! The seating usually involve a bribe and one kid making faces at the other for the duration of the flight. Luckily we have a portable DVD player which keeps one of them busy.Oh, and if you don't have children and are traveling to a kid friendly destination, do not shake your head at me or make any snide remarks that could have you searching for what used to be your front teeth. If you don't have kids, you have no idea how difficult it is traveling with them .We know that they might act up, deal with it or go somewhere like Vegas.
Now we are in whatever island destination we have chosen and the process of getting to the hotel from the airport begins. People become absolute maniacs when they are strapped with bags and kids. Add a foreign beach resort and all thought of rational behavior is thrown out the window. People are racing for shuttles, fighting for cabs and hitting me with the stack of 14 suitcases they have taken with them for the 5 day stay. Apparently they are not aware of the 50 pound rule or better yet don't care enough to abide by it.
Ahhhh, we arrive at the resort or hotel and all should be good, Right?, Wrong! The price conscious one next to me refuses to upgrade the room and we are on two queen size beds and again the debate begins.....who gets to sleep with Dad. Debate diffused as we come up with a rotating schedule and I take a peek into the minbar to make sure that it is stocked and immediately take an $8 beer which insights a riot in wifey's wallet. "did you just take a beer from the minibar?"she asks......"did you just travel 9 hrs with me and the kids?' I reply. Argument over for now, and me and my $8 beer head to the balcony to check out the digs.
So we are settled in and now its time to get the lay of the land. We take a quick tour and realize that there is a cruise ship that lets out every day and they have day passes to our resort. Huh? If I had known that I would have gone somewhere else! I went to said resort to relax and have fun, not get inundated with 300 plus cruise yahoos that get to take over the resort each day for $50! So each morning on my way from the gym I greet the line of yahoos with a scowl and move on.
Now that we are sharing the facility you know what we need to talk about next......chairs! Every morning I had to play the "who was gonna get to the chairs first and put down all there belongings" game. This is a game that I am a willing participant because if we do not have a seat front and center at the pool I will be in that and both all day chasing the kids around. If I can get up early enough to beat the cruise people I can get good seats and throw towels and books on the chairs to solidify our camp for the day. Success will be mine as I head out 15 minutes before the towel hut opens and am 1st in line 5 of 6 days! I rule. Eat that cruise people!
Seats secured its time to get the kids lubed up and pool ready. See the family vacation gives wifey a break from the day to day grind....for me, it's a continuation of my day to day responsibilities. By noon wifey is usually catching flies in a lounge chair while I am on my 456th trip down the water slide and 6 $8 beers deep! In fairness to her she was an active participant on the last trip because the kids are at different swimming levels and therefore were doing different slides. Day is over, I am beat and ready for a nap !
Repeat cycle for 5 more days and then its time to get packed up and ready to go home! Oh, but wait, the 50 lb suitcases are not feeling more like 80 lb suitcases and the vein in my forehead is actually visible. Thankfully people in tropical islands could care a less how much your bag weighs, so they ask us some random questions and we are on our way. 9 hrs later and a plane change in a pleasant city and we are home. I've now got 17 loads of laundry to do and need to figure out what that smell is in the backpack and where it came from! Can't wait to do this again!
Word to the wise, if you are headed on a family vacation that requires air travel and layovers bring patience and a flask of Bacardi!
Love you honey!!
SVP- OUT
There is not one aspect of the vacation that stresses me yet a plethora of them that make me wanna sucker punch someone with a fist full of quarters by the time I get home.
Lets first start with packing. The concept seems simple, you take a few outfits and make sure that you have enough underwear and toiletries to get through the allotted time. But wait, then add 2 kids and a wife that feels the need to take each suitcase to the very edge of 50 pounds so when we get to the airport we don't have to pay the overweight fee. See, I have the wife that would actually stand in lime and move things from one bag to another while I am standing in the background with my credit card in hand telling the jovial airlines employee who is so thrilled to be there just to charge me. We actually got a suitcase weigher as a gift, and quite honestly it was one of the best gifts we ever got! We actually know before we go to the airport whether or not I will have to try and sneak a knee to the side of the bag and hold it up slightly while its on the scale so the employee does not see. Who on earth needs 50 pounds of clothing for a 5 day trip.....apparently we do! Our daughters take 4 more outfits than they will need and my wife easily packs 4-5 pair of shoes that will NEVER leave the suitcase. Yet I need to pack only one pair of shoes and God forbid I try and pack my big bottle of Polo. All of this leaves me shaking my head and gritting my newly replaced teeth.
The next aspect of the trip is the trip to the airport. See, wifey travel a ton and is an A member with Southwest so she thinks that the actual travel time of one person will equal that of 4 including two small children who are half asleep because we are taking a 5am flight. I try and get to the airport at least an hour and a half before the flight so I have time to have a cup of coffee, relax and potentially drop the kids at the pool before I get on the plane. Wifey takes the O.J. approach and feels the need to get to the airport with just enough time for me to blow my nose and again grit my teeth. And as usual I'm the bad guy because I am huffing and puffing in the airport while she is a picture of composure under pressure.
Next we move to the seat battle. See, as the SVP of Household Ops, I am the one that BOTH kids want to sit with on the plane and we always split the seats and hope that nobody sits next to us. Wifey actually has a "move" where she will not make eye contact with anyone in the aisle hoping that they will not sit next to her. Me on the other hand say hello to everyone and ultimately get the lovely 300 pound 80 year old woman that now needs to squeeze through and then squeeze out 3 or 4 times during the flight. Yumm! The seating usually involve a bribe and one kid making faces at the other for the duration of the flight. Luckily we have a portable DVD player which keeps one of them busy.Oh, and if you don't have children and are traveling to a kid friendly destination, do not shake your head at me or make any snide remarks that could have you searching for what used to be your front teeth. If you don't have kids, you have no idea how difficult it is traveling with them .We know that they might act up, deal with it or go somewhere like Vegas.
Now we are in whatever island destination we have chosen and the process of getting to the hotel from the airport begins. People become absolute maniacs when they are strapped with bags and kids. Add a foreign beach resort and all thought of rational behavior is thrown out the window. People are racing for shuttles, fighting for cabs and hitting me with the stack of 14 suitcases they have taken with them for the 5 day stay. Apparently they are not aware of the 50 pound rule or better yet don't care enough to abide by it.
Ahhhh, we arrive at the resort or hotel and all should be good, Right?, Wrong! The price conscious one next to me refuses to upgrade the room and we are on two queen size beds and again the debate begins.....who gets to sleep with Dad. Debate diffused as we come up with a rotating schedule and I take a peek into the minbar to make sure that it is stocked and immediately take an $8 beer which insights a riot in wifey's wallet. "did you just take a beer from the minibar?"she asks......"did you just travel 9 hrs with me and the kids?' I reply. Argument over for now, and me and my $8 beer head to the balcony to check out the digs.
So we are settled in and now its time to get the lay of the land. We take a quick tour and realize that there is a cruise ship that lets out every day and they have day passes to our resort. Huh? If I had known that I would have gone somewhere else! I went to said resort to relax and have fun, not get inundated with 300 plus cruise yahoos that get to take over the resort each day for $50! So each morning on my way from the gym I greet the line of yahoos with a scowl and move on.
Now that we are sharing the facility you know what we need to talk about next......chairs! Every morning I had to play the "who was gonna get to the chairs first and put down all there belongings" game. This is a game that I am a willing participant because if we do not have a seat front and center at the pool I will be in that and both all day chasing the kids around. If I can get up early enough to beat the cruise people I can get good seats and throw towels and books on the chairs to solidify our camp for the day. Success will be mine as I head out 15 minutes before the towel hut opens and am 1st in line 5 of 6 days! I rule. Eat that cruise people!
Seats secured its time to get the kids lubed up and pool ready. See the family vacation gives wifey a break from the day to day grind....for me, it's a continuation of my day to day responsibilities. By noon wifey is usually catching flies in a lounge chair while I am on my 456th trip down the water slide and 6 $8 beers deep! In fairness to her she was an active participant on the last trip because the kids are at different swimming levels and therefore were doing different slides. Day is over, I am beat and ready for a nap !
Repeat cycle for 5 more days and then its time to get packed up and ready to go home! Oh, but wait, the 50 lb suitcases are not feeling more like 80 lb suitcases and the vein in my forehead is actually visible. Thankfully people in tropical islands could care a less how much your bag weighs, so they ask us some random questions and we are on our way. 9 hrs later and a plane change in a pleasant city and we are home. I've now got 17 loads of laundry to do and need to figure out what that smell is in the backpack and where it came from! Can't wait to do this again!
Word to the wise, if you are headed on a family vacation that requires air travel and layovers bring patience and a flask of Bacardi!
Love you honey!!
SVP- OUT
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
"Little Kids and Sports"
Let me just start by stating this blog was inspired after watching a "coach" last night act like a complete and utter fool. I promised a long time ago I would not use crude language, and will continue the trend , but this guy had my blood boiling, and it really made me take a good hard look at my daughters' activities, and what they are getting themselves into.
I was not a "star" athlete in High School as I played football for a team that was more interested in getting their names on a jersey than actually winning games. Our team was a dismal 1-8 my senior year, but at the end of the day I was a 150 lb( soaking wet) Receiver and Cornerback who was not looking at any pro prospects. Essentially for me, it was intramural sports and weekend games of flag football for the remainder of my career. I accepted that, and from that point forward realized that sports would be a "fun" activity for me. Key on the word fun, as it will come back later.
Before we had the girls I was able to coach a pee wee football team while we were living in Maryland. I had a BLAST!!! The kids were 9-12 yr olds and they were fun, athletic and really seemed to enjoy the game. My Head Coach was a good friend who had a son on the team and we really worked well together. We had the team humming and that year we won the Championship! The kids were elated and I could not wait until the next season to do it all over again. Well, the next year, my friend was called up to the older team and he wanted me to come with him. This time, however, there was a new Head Coach, and we were both going to be acting in an Assistant role. We were two weeks into the new season and I quit. Yes, I hate to use the word , but after watching this coach demean the kids by yelling at them and treating them like dirt, I decided that I did not want to be a part of the team. I spoke with my friend and explained that I was not going to be a part of a team that did not have fun while playing the game. The boys were petrified and they clearly were not enjoying practice or the games. He stayed, I left. I retired a coach with a Championship.....I was OK with that.
Fast forward to us having the girls, and now I am in a position to coach my daughters softball team. My buddy approached me and asked last season if I wanted to help him coach and I immediately said yes. We had a quick season last year to get our feet wet and then this year we took over the "Lightning" squad. We have a group of 7 and 8 year olds that are learning the game and trying to figure out good technique. More importantly, they are getting to spend time with new friends while running around the bases. I love coaching and thought this would be a great opportunity for me to spend more time with my eldest and figure out if she was going to be a ball player or a track phenom. See, my eldest is fast, and I mean FAST! She runs like the wind, but when you put a ball in front of her everything breaks down. She really seems to be enjoying softball, so I think we might be able to fine tune some of her skills and make it fun for her.
Fast forward to last nights game. It's raining off and on and we are just trying to get through 5 innings without anyone getting hurt or sick. We happen to have a few girls on out team that hit REALLY well. These two girls can put a hurting on a softball. After one of them ropes a line drive to the outfield the other "coach" starts complaining. Yes, complaining! Out loud he is questioning how old she is and whether or not she should even be allowed to play on a team of 7 and 8 yr olds. He even went as far as to ask her how old she was and whether or not she should be playing on a travel team.
Needless to say this infuriated me. I tried to keep it light and approached him and explained how old she was and that her sister was a ball payer at the High School which could possibly explain why she was so advanced. He continued to complain, and actually shifted his better played to positions where she was hitting the ball. At that point he then started sending girls for extra bases and was clearly trying to make the game more about him than the players. Needless to say we crushed them and scored 16 runs. I know we are not supposed to keep track but this guy brought me to a point where I started counting runs out loud! Yes, I know, two wrongs don't make a right.
What I'm ultimately getting at here is that if you are going to coach your kids team, make it about them. Yes I understand that you want to make them better and work on their skills, but they are 8!!!! They have plenty of time to get better and work on hitting, fielding and all the essentials that will lead to a fruitful softball career. Don't be "that guy". I am as competitive as the next guy but the last thing I want for my kids os for them to dread going to practice or a game. Let them figure out what they want to play. If they don't like soccer, find something else. If the can't stand softball, find something else. You had your shot, and I'm guessing that if you are coaching your kids team, and not wearing a professional jersey of some sorts than it didn't go all that well for you. And ladies, please take this the right way, but if you are critiquing your kids at gymnastics and you yourself can't do a cartwheel, save the commentary. I don't recall seeing you on the cover of a Wheaties box when I was growing up. I almost want some of these gymnastic Mom's to throw on a leotard, hop on the rings and show us how its done. Unfortunately, we all know how that would end up. Kids are smart, they will figure it out, we are simply there to guide them and help them along.
Last night before our game I told the girls the word of the day was "FUN" We even chanted it before and after the game I am pleased to announce they had a blast. They were all hitting the ball running bases and laughing the entire game. My daughter struck out a few times last night but looked me dead in the face and said" I'm going to keep my head up". That's coaching! Make it about them. Who knows, they may even enjoy it and get REALLY good at it!
SVP-OUT!
I was not a "star" athlete in High School as I played football for a team that was more interested in getting their names on a jersey than actually winning games. Our team was a dismal 1-8 my senior year, but at the end of the day I was a 150 lb( soaking wet) Receiver and Cornerback who was not looking at any pro prospects. Essentially for me, it was intramural sports and weekend games of flag football for the remainder of my career. I accepted that, and from that point forward realized that sports would be a "fun" activity for me. Key on the word fun, as it will come back later.
Before we had the girls I was able to coach a pee wee football team while we were living in Maryland. I had a BLAST!!! The kids were 9-12 yr olds and they were fun, athletic and really seemed to enjoy the game. My Head Coach was a good friend who had a son on the team and we really worked well together. We had the team humming and that year we won the Championship! The kids were elated and I could not wait until the next season to do it all over again. Well, the next year, my friend was called up to the older team and he wanted me to come with him. This time, however, there was a new Head Coach, and we were both going to be acting in an Assistant role. We were two weeks into the new season and I quit. Yes, I hate to use the word , but after watching this coach demean the kids by yelling at them and treating them like dirt, I decided that I did not want to be a part of the team. I spoke with my friend and explained that I was not going to be a part of a team that did not have fun while playing the game. The boys were petrified and they clearly were not enjoying practice or the games. He stayed, I left. I retired a coach with a Championship.....I was OK with that.
Fast forward to us having the girls, and now I am in a position to coach my daughters softball team. My buddy approached me and asked last season if I wanted to help him coach and I immediately said yes. We had a quick season last year to get our feet wet and then this year we took over the "Lightning" squad. We have a group of 7 and 8 year olds that are learning the game and trying to figure out good technique. More importantly, they are getting to spend time with new friends while running around the bases. I love coaching and thought this would be a great opportunity for me to spend more time with my eldest and figure out if she was going to be a ball player or a track phenom. See, my eldest is fast, and I mean FAST! She runs like the wind, but when you put a ball in front of her everything breaks down. She really seems to be enjoying softball, so I think we might be able to fine tune some of her skills and make it fun for her.
Fast forward to last nights game. It's raining off and on and we are just trying to get through 5 innings without anyone getting hurt or sick. We happen to have a few girls on out team that hit REALLY well. These two girls can put a hurting on a softball. After one of them ropes a line drive to the outfield the other "coach" starts complaining. Yes, complaining! Out loud he is questioning how old she is and whether or not she should even be allowed to play on a team of 7 and 8 yr olds. He even went as far as to ask her how old she was and whether or not she should be playing on a travel team.
Needless to say this infuriated me. I tried to keep it light and approached him and explained how old she was and that her sister was a ball payer at the High School which could possibly explain why she was so advanced. He continued to complain, and actually shifted his better played to positions where she was hitting the ball. At that point he then started sending girls for extra bases and was clearly trying to make the game more about him than the players. Needless to say we crushed them and scored 16 runs. I know we are not supposed to keep track but this guy brought me to a point where I started counting runs out loud! Yes, I know, two wrongs don't make a right.
What I'm ultimately getting at here is that if you are going to coach your kids team, make it about them. Yes I understand that you want to make them better and work on their skills, but they are 8!!!! They have plenty of time to get better and work on hitting, fielding and all the essentials that will lead to a fruitful softball career. Don't be "that guy". I am as competitive as the next guy but the last thing I want for my kids os for them to dread going to practice or a game. Let them figure out what they want to play. If they don't like soccer, find something else. If the can't stand softball, find something else. You had your shot, and I'm guessing that if you are coaching your kids team, and not wearing a professional jersey of some sorts than it didn't go all that well for you. And ladies, please take this the right way, but if you are critiquing your kids at gymnastics and you yourself can't do a cartwheel, save the commentary. I don't recall seeing you on the cover of a Wheaties box when I was growing up. I almost want some of these gymnastic Mom's to throw on a leotard, hop on the rings and show us how its done. Unfortunately, we all know how that would end up. Kids are smart, they will figure it out, we are simply there to guide them and help them along.
Last night before our game I told the girls the word of the day was "FUN" We even chanted it before and after the game I am pleased to announce they had a blast. They were all hitting the ball running bases and laughing the entire game. My daughter struck out a few times last night but looked me dead in the face and said" I'm going to keep my head up". That's coaching! Make it about them. Who knows, they may even enjoy it and get REALLY good at it!
SVP-OUT!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
"Adventure Princess"
It's been way too long since my last blog, but I wanted to take on a topic that means a great deal to me. I recently had the opportunity to take a 3 day camping trip with my girls which quite frankly was one of the best experiences of my life.
About 6 months ago I was approached by a good friend of mine who wanted me to become part of the "Adventure Princess" program through the YMCA. I initially resisted. Listen, I'm a stay at home dad with two girls and a ten pound dog, did I really need to become part of a group called the Adventure Princess' ?
Thankfully, I put ego aside, and joined the group. What I thought would be an absolute nightmare with Dad's standing around and girls gabbing the entire time became something quite different. See, the program had us do different activities each mont in an effort to keep all involved engaged in the process.
Throughout the year we gathered once a month to keep in touch and do different things such as bowling, roller skating, tubing, a trip to Lake George, and more. I think what impressed me most about our group was the fact that everyone showed up! All Dad's were on deck, and all the girls were present at the different activities. See, I have a different perspective than all of those in my group, as I am home with my girls. When I was joking about these trips being "work" for me, these guys were taking full advantage of the time they had to have one on one face time. These activities in a way made me realize that I am, by far, the luckiest guy on the planet.
The Princess season culminated with a 3 day camping trip to Frost Valley. Picture a wooded area with a bunch of "nature loving" guides and no cell phones. To be honest, it was awesome to completely unplug, but even more awesome to watch the Dad's that have full time jobs completely unplug and just embrace the weekend for what it was. The constant smiles from the girls were refreshing. We played soccer, climbed rock walls, ate really unhealthy food, but most importantly let our girls know that we were there for them. There was even a checklist created for both Dad's and daughter's so we were on a level playing field going into the weekend.
The list consisted of such items as:
- Dad told child he loved her at least once over the weekend
- Dad encouraged child to try something new over the weekend
- Dad spoke to child about the importance of exercise
- Dad spent a minimum of ten hours interacting directly with child
Needless to say, I hit them all, and based on the character of the Dad's in my group, they hit them all too!
I guess the reason for the blog is to let you know that these opportunities only come around once in a while, and we as parents need to take advantage of every opportunity we can to make a difference in the lives of our children. I recently read an article that a friend sent to me that talked about parents spending entirely too much time on their cell phones and checking emails, and not nearly enough time interacting with the one thing that means the most to all of us......our kids! I'm not passing judgement on anyone, just suggesting that when these opportunities arise........GRAB THEM and run with them! What you may see as a slight inconvenience, they will see as a game changer. Kids see, hear and soak up way more than we give them credit for. I know at the end of the day, I want them to look back and say " Yeah, my Dad did some really cool things with me", .........don't you?
Thankfully, my good friend suggested I lead the circle next year, and I gladly accepted the challenge!
SVP-OUT!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
'The Gym"
As a stay at home parent, I think it is IMPERATIVE that you have a hobby or something that you can do on your own. There needs to be one thing that you can do on your own that will allow you the opportunity to blow off some steam, interact with adults, and get away from the kiddies for an hour or so.
My "free time" comes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings after I drop off the little one at preschool. From about 9am until 11am I know that I will be able to throw on my iPod, listen to some expletive laden rap music from the 80's and 90's and do some serious people watching at my gym.
For those of you that have been reading, you know that my #1 tip for Job Security is staying in shape! I stand by the original statement that if your wife is willing to put in the 60 hr work week, the least you could do is stay in shape so that when she comes home she is not staring at the college frat guy on the couch with a beer in one hand and his manhood in the other. Listen, the days as a SAHD can be brutal. There will be days when the kids don't listen to a thing you say, someone calls you "Mr. Mom ( hate it! ) and you feel like the clock has stopped and the thought of wifey coming through the door is a mirage. The gym gives you the opportunity to put all of that stress to good use. Where else can you go and burn calories being angry? Come up with a solid program that will help you reach your goals and simply get after it. I view the gym as part of my responsibility as a SAHD. And listen fellas, you are 15 pounds away from potentially being traded in! And lets be honest, if you do happen to get traded in, you want to be front line ready!
The other part of the gym that fascinates me is the people watching. I belong to one of the major chain gyms here, and the people watching is fantastic! I have even come up with nicknames for the folks that frequent during my 2 hours of stress release :
The Grunter : We all have one at our gym and love them to death. While in the middle of an exercise you will hear this god awful noise coming from the "grunter" who typically has the equivalent of a car on a barbell and is curling it like its his job. The "grunter" always makes me smile, and no never directly at them. Smiling or laughing at the "grunter" could end up with you in a dumpster behind the gym.
The Cruiser : The cruiser is a slick one. He/she looks as if they are working out and putting in the time, but if you pay close attention to them they are actually just walking around the gym and not doing a darn thing. Often they will walk up to a machine, take a good hard look at it, look around to make sure that nobody is going to write about them in a blog and then move on to another machine. If you want to disturb the "cruiser" walk in their path while they are on the way to a machine....completely throws off their game plan. You will often find the "cruiser" at the WiFi table drinking coffee when you are leaving.
The Creeper : Ok, so when I was younger and went to the Bally's on Palisades Pkwy, I was the "creeper" The creeper is the guy that intentionally gets a spot on a treadmill that is directly behind the hottest woman in the gym, thus making the three to five mile run much more doable. You can just tell a "creeper" by the smirk. When you think you have a "creeper" in your sights simply look in front of him to confirm. Sorry ladies, but there is a good chance there is a "creeper" behind you !
The Newbee's : God bless you "Newbee's" . Every year at the same time ( Jan 1st) we are inundated with "newbee's". You can often tell a "newbee" by the attire. If you see someone wearing a matching Sergio Tecchini sweatsuit, or an outfit that looks like it came straight out of 1989, there is a good chance you are face to face with a "newbee". Ladies, no leg warmers or headbands please! Be warned "newbee" , there are a handful of us that are actually betting on how long you will make it. I know, its an awful thing to do, but you set yourself up by purchasing a gym membership and coming 3 times. My advice to you is to ask questions! Don't walk around aimlessly hoping that the magic program will fall out of the sky and you will figure out how to navigate the machines on your own. I think"newbee's" fail because they get intimidated. Don't get intimidated, we were all "newbee's" once!
The Ditcher : The "ditcher" is they guy/gal with the cell phone by their side at all times. They are constantly checking emails and voicemails to make sure that the boss does not know that they are at the gym instead of in the "Field". You can always tell when the "ditcher" has an important call. They run to a secluded corner, take the call and then take a deep breath after they hang up.
The Professional : The "professional" is the guy/gal that comes in throws an iPod on and GOES! The professional knows where everything is and can navigate the gym blindfolded. Most of the times the professional will dress in a way that will let the others know they mean business. The iPod signifies the fact that they are not there to make friends and have one person in mind.....themselves! If the professional has a hat on it is most likely pulled down so you can't even see there eyes. The walk is intentional and they spend little to no time socializing. In, and out!
And then you have the Trainers. Unfortunately the majority of trainers at my gym look as if they came straight from the couch. The other few look as if they just came from the tattoo parlor! One of my greatest days at the gym occurred when I watched a trainer who was doing the "cool guy" walk, walk directly into a piece of equipment. And yes, I laughed out loud and directly toward him. He was not nearly as big as the "grunter"!
As a stay at home parent you will need a stress release. Find something that you truly enjoy to do and make sure you carve out some time to do it a few times a week. I love to workout so the gym was an obvious choice for me. I get to burn off the beer I so love to drink and do some people watching all in one place. Winner winner chicken dinner!
SVP-OUT!
My "free time" comes on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings after I drop off the little one at preschool. From about 9am until 11am I know that I will be able to throw on my iPod, listen to some expletive laden rap music from the 80's and 90's and do some serious people watching at my gym.
For those of you that have been reading, you know that my #1 tip for Job Security is staying in shape! I stand by the original statement that if your wife is willing to put in the 60 hr work week, the least you could do is stay in shape so that when she comes home she is not staring at the college frat guy on the couch with a beer in one hand and his manhood in the other. Listen, the days as a SAHD can be brutal. There will be days when the kids don't listen to a thing you say, someone calls you "Mr. Mom ( hate it! ) and you feel like the clock has stopped and the thought of wifey coming through the door is a mirage. The gym gives you the opportunity to put all of that stress to good use. Where else can you go and burn calories being angry? Come up with a solid program that will help you reach your goals and simply get after it. I view the gym as part of my responsibility as a SAHD. And listen fellas, you are 15 pounds away from potentially being traded in! And lets be honest, if you do happen to get traded in, you want to be front line ready!
The other part of the gym that fascinates me is the people watching. I belong to one of the major chain gyms here, and the people watching is fantastic! I have even come up with nicknames for the folks that frequent during my 2 hours of stress release :
The Grunter : We all have one at our gym and love them to death. While in the middle of an exercise you will hear this god awful noise coming from the "grunter" who typically has the equivalent of a car on a barbell and is curling it like its his job. The "grunter" always makes me smile, and no never directly at them. Smiling or laughing at the "grunter" could end up with you in a dumpster behind the gym.
The Cruiser : The cruiser is a slick one. He/she looks as if they are working out and putting in the time, but if you pay close attention to them they are actually just walking around the gym and not doing a darn thing. Often they will walk up to a machine, take a good hard look at it, look around to make sure that nobody is going to write about them in a blog and then move on to another machine. If you want to disturb the "cruiser" walk in their path while they are on the way to a machine....completely throws off their game plan. You will often find the "cruiser" at the WiFi table drinking coffee when you are leaving.
The Creeper : Ok, so when I was younger and went to the Bally's on Palisades Pkwy, I was the "creeper" The creeper is the guy that intentionally gets a spot on a treadmill that is directly behind the hottest woman in the gym, thus making the three to five mile run much more doable. You can just tell a "creeper" by the smirk. When you think you have a "creeper" in your sights simply look in front of him to confirm. Sorry ladies, but there is a good chance there is a "creeper" behind you !
The Newbee's : God bless you "Newbee's" . Every year at the same time ( Jan 1st) we are inundated with "newbee's". You can often tell a "newbee" by the attire. If you see someone wearing a matching Sergio Tecchini sweatsuit, or an outfit that looks like it came straight out of 1989, there is a good chance you are face to face with a "newbee". Ladies, no leg warmers or headbands please! Be warned "newbee" , there are a handful of us that are actually betting on how long you will make it. I know, its an awful thing to do, but you set yourself up by purchasing a gym membership and coming 3 times. My advice to you is to ask questions! Don't walk around aimlessly hoping that the magic program will fall out of the sky and you will figure out how to navigate the machines on your own. I think"newbee's" fail because they get intimidated. Don't get intimidated, we were all "newbee's" once!
The Ditcher : The "ditcher" is they guy/gal with the cell phone by their side at all times. They are constantly checking emails and voicemails to make sure that the boss does not know that they are at the gym instead of in the "Field". You can always tell when the "ditcher" has an important call. They run to a secluded corner, take the call and then take a deep breath after they hang up.
The Professional : The "professional" is the guy/gal that comes in throws an iPod on and GOES! The professional knows where everything is and can navigate the gym blindfolded. Most of the times the professional will dress in a way that will let the others know they mean business. The iPod signifies the fact that they are not there to make friends and have one person in mind.....themselves! If the professional has a hat on it is most likely pulled down so you can't even see there eyes. The walk is intentional and they spend little to no time socializing. In, and out!
And then you have the Trainers. Unfortunately the majority of trainers at my gym look as if they came straight from the couch. The other few look as if they just came from the tattoo parlor! One of my greatest days at the gym occurred when I watched a trainer who was doing the "cool guy" walk, walk directly into a piece of equipment. And yes, I laughed out loud and directly toward him. He was not nearly as big as the "grunter"!
As a stay at home parent you will need a stress release. Find something that you truly enjoy to do and make sure you carve out some time to do it a few times a week. I love to workout so the gym was an obvious choice for me. I get to burn off the beer I so love to drink and do some people watching all in one place. Winner winner chicken dinner!
SVP-OUT!
Monday, March 5, 2012
"Sensitivity Training"
Ok, so by now you know that I am a SAHD of two little girls. I coordinate matching outfits for school, and am a proud member of the Adventure Princesses of Southern Saratoga County. This is a far cry from the person I used to be. People often say that having children changes your perspective on life. As a SAHD of two little girls, I could not agree more.
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
On March 7th, 2004 at 7:51pm, my life changed forever. The delivery room was full of excitement, and the birth of our first daughter was simply amazing. I vividly remember walking down the hallway to greet my parents and my Mother in Law in the waiting room. The walk was quick and I was smiling from ear to ear, but when I opened the door and saw their faces I immediately began to cry as I announced it was a girl. The other folks in the waiting room were so taken back by it that they began to cry as well. All in all it was a really cool moment that I will never forget. This would mark the beginning of the end of the hard exterior that I always walked around with.
As a kid , and unfortunately into adulthood, I was a tad bit arrogant. I never lacked confidence. Looking back on it I have no idea why. I guess as a boy you try to run with the herd and be the 'tough guy' . Truth of the matter is, besides a complete accident, I've never taken a punch to the face. Delivered , yes, but never taken. I guess when you are 150 lbs soaking wet with a brick in your pants you need to puff your chest out. Embarrassingly enough they had to list me at 165 lbs in the football journal so other teams would see me as a threat. I somehow made it through High School in one piece, due largely in fact to my friends that averaged 6'4, 200 lbs. I think the big guy upstairs was trying to tell me something by delivering me not one, but two little girls. This is why I believe everything happens for a reason.
Fast forward to the birth of our youngest and we have a similar response. I think this time it was pure shock. See, the entire time my wife was pregnant people were telling us we were having a boy. This by the way is the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed. People weigh in on what your having by how you are carrying, what you are eating and how your feeling. Well, science or not, we were convinced we were having a boy. Yes, a boy! I was going to have a little "Pete" running around catching footballs, wearing a mullet and aggravating me with an earring at 16 as I did to my father. It was going to be GREAT! Well, guess what? It was a girl. Again, waterworks.
Fast forward to Missouri. I am at home with them day in and day out getting to know their personalties. I am doing my best to understand what makes them tick, and immediately figure out that the one size fits all approach is not going to work. I quickly realize that my oldest is the sensitive one, and the youngest is the bull in a China shop. It them dawns on me that as a SAHD I am going to have to provide guidance and advice to the OTHER side. When I was growing up it was all about 'getting' the girl, and now it was going to be all about 'protecting' the girl. Again, big guy playing games with me.
Fast forward to now. I can tell immediately by my oldest daughters expression getting off the bus what kind of day she has had. See, she is a "pleaser", so she is always trying to make things work and takes things very personally when things go wrong. If she gets off the bus with a smile, I know we have had a good day. If she gets off the bus and goes straight to the car, I know we are in for a half hour chat on what went wrong and what we can do to fix it going forward. This is where the sensitivity training comes in. The boy in me wants to tell her to smack the daylights out of whoever the problem is, but sensibility takes over and we walk through the problem and find a solution that leaves everyone's teeth in tact.
The issue with me is that seeing her cry makes my heart break. Her eyes swell up and I literally have to swallow the ball in my throat as it rises up. She has no idea, but there has been many a time where I have snuck off the wipe a tear away, and then come back with the appearance of the confident Dad. I spend more time reasoning and negotiating rather than bullying and steamrolling. They really make you take a different look at everything. Things that I once really never paid much attention to have taken on all new meanings.
Let's take the movie "The Game Plan" as an example. From the outside it appears to be a movie about a football star who is suddenly 'burdened' by the arrival of a daughter he had no idea about. The old me can see this is a decent football movie with some solid football scenes and can appreciate the cameos by Boomer Esiason and Marv Albert. The new me sees a relationship between a Dad and little girl and compares and contrasts what he does, and what he would do differently if he were in the same situation. And yes, the ending made me tear up. Joe Kingman, the big burly QB looks at his daughter and tells her she is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I can appreciate this, as I have whispered something along those lines every night to my oldest when she gets into bed at night.......yes, every night!
Music is no different. I am not going to lie, I have already figured out what songs I want for the Dad, Daughter dance when they get married. Yes, I know, it's early in the game but I am a firm believer in the 5 p's. Proper planning prevents poor performance. For my oldest its "Daddy's Little Girl" , by Tim McGraw, and for my youngest it's "Butterfly" by Miley Cyrus. With all the Disney stuff in the house you knew that Miley Cyrus would eventually come to the surface. The Tim McGraw song fits the sensitivity of my oldest, and the Miley song speaks to the independence of my youngest. I was hoping that focusing on the Wedding would help me skip the eventual next phase.......boyfriends.
I am dreading the next phase of boyfriends and broken hearts. The Sensitivity Training will have to go to a whole new level when the first heart gets broken. I guess the good thing is that I can reiterate to my girls just how stupid boys are and why they do what they do. I can already see the behavior emerging as my eldest tells me that a few of the boys are picking on her at school. I chuckle when she tells me, since that was what I did to get their attention, and try to explain to her why they are doing it. She is not buying yet as we are still in the 'boys are gross' phase. Boys, be warned, I am not an idiot, and every trick that you will eventually try with my girls, I have already tried. In an effort to be fair and in the act of full disclosure, let me give you a few survival tips:
1. If you come to pick up my daughter and honk the horn, you will be sitting in my driveway FOREVER.
2. If you come to the door you better shake my hand and look me in the eye. If you look down, you are up to no good and I will eat you alive. Dad's never liked me because I was a punk. If I open the door and I see me, there is a 0% chance this is going to work out.
3. If I invite you in for a beer this is a TRAP! Say "No Thank You, I will be driving your daughter around and would not want to put her at risk. "
4. Do not call past 10pm . I am old and need sleep, and if the phone rings late at night I am destined to come through it and strangle you.
5. Be a man. If you don't want to date my girls anymore, tell them why, and let them move on.
And if they dump you, move on. I used to be a stage five clinger and nothing is worse than a needy guy, trust me!
6. Do some speed work at the track. I may appear to be old and have a receding hairline, but the truth of the matter is I work out 7 days a week and am extremely fast!
7. Get them home on time. If they are late you both suffer. They will be grounded and you will have NO shot at coming back.
And just for the record, I will be preparing them for all the garbage they will need to put up with.
Listen, I am going to do my best to be fair, but these are my little girls. Don't test me. These are some initial rules for you to consider. Should all go well, you might even reach the next set of rules. : )
I think the easiest way for me to explain the change in my approach is that instead of playing the game 'offensively', I am playing it 'defensively'. I guess the good thing is they say that defense wins Championships! Girls, you may not like all of the things that I am going to say, or even the way I treat some of your so called boyfriends, just know that I will always be here for you. You have changed me for the better, and for that I thank you. Just don't come home with a tattoo of some dudes name anywhere on your body, as the removal process will be much worse than the tattoo itself. Love you!
SVP-OUT!
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